on being bored enough to talk about teenaged russian lesbians portrayed by geeky college freshmen on the internet

It’s after 10 o’clock on a Wednesday. I have finished my evening Body by Maverick workout (I am now working at approximately 9% genetic freak operational capacity). Birds of Prey has been cancelled. So frankly I don’t have a whole lot to do with myself. So I figured it was long past time I amused myself with another installment of 1000 words of free flowing hostility. This is where I randomly vent on something that is bothering me, or maybe not even bothering me so much as something that is on my mind. Sometimes I’m even interesting enough that other people are amused by me, so feel free to follow along. Fair warning: I have no real point here. I’m just going to randomly toss out some thoughts that are tangentially related in chaos that is my mind.

The other day mamarayne mentioned some girl she met in a chat room. I tried to explain that there weren’t actually any girls on the Internet. That they are all in actuality lonely, geeky, college guys who couldn’t get laid and somehow satisfied some base homo-erotic need by adopting the persona of a seventeen-year-old, 5’6, slutty, blonde girl with double-D cup breasts, and yet she only weighs in at 107lbs, oh yes, and she swings both ways and flirting with whatever other idiot lonely, geeky, college guy who wasn’t inventive enough to adopt a nubile teenage nymphet alter-ego.

Or at least that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That’s the way it was when I was a kid. IRC, where the men are men and so are the women. That’s the way god intended it. That’s the way it always was. And We Liked It! We Loved It! We liked it fine!

It’s different now. These days it turns out that if you see someone online with the screen name teenslut69xxx and she says she’s a 15-year-old who’s into older men, well, there is a very real possibility that’s exactly who she is. How the hell did that happen?

Some people like to blame the media. A coworker of mine actually tried to preach to me about how evil Britney Spears was because she claimed to be a Christian, which she obviously wasn’t because she’s a slut, blatantly flaunting her sexuality on display. How dare she? She has a responsibility to the teen girls across America, and its people like her that cause us to have such a teen pregnancy problem.

You know who I blame teen pregnancy on? TEENS. Ok, birth control isn’t perfect. Sometimes, accidents happen. But most people who get pregnant at seventeen get there because they were too stupid to use protection. And you know what, people were having sex at seventeen 20 years ago too. And 40. And 60. You know why? Because sex is fun. People like to do things that are fun.

If anything Britney has taught teens that its stupid to lie about it. Back in the old days, if you were a “good girl” you hid your sexuality. It was unbefitting of a young lady. Only you were expected to be married by the time you were 25. And if you weren’t well, it certainly wasn’t appropriate for an old maid like you to be walking around in short skirts.

Let’s face it. If you’re sixteen to twenty-one year old girl (or boy) you’re pretty much at the pinnacle. You’re never going to look better than you do right now. This is it kids, its all down hill from here. So if you have it flaunt it. No reason to hold back. And I think that “the kids” get it today. I think that “the kids” look better now than they did back in my day. They’re healthier. They’re more fit. They’re sexier. One walk through the mall will confirm that. jameel and I have had discussions about how it bovine growth hormones taking effect and creating a race of superhumans. Well, that may or may not be, but who knows what you’re going to look like in ten years. If you look good now, then there is absolutely no reason to not take advantage of that.

People like to blame everything on the media. It’s the media’s fault I feel fat. It’s the media’s fault I think my chest is too small. It’s the media’s fault I think my nose is too big. Bullshit. The one thing I learned in all those lovely LCS classes is that art and media are a reflection of society. Yes, there is a continuous circle. A cultural artifact will ultimately inform and sculpt the culture, but art is just as much a reflection of society as it is a cause, if not more. Why do we put thin women with huge breasts on the cover of magazines? Because we think they’re hot. Why do we make jewelry out of gold? Because we think its pretty. It has nothing to do with it being rare. There’s all kinds of rare stuff out there that we don’t make wedding rings out of.

Its only when society comes to accept something as natural that the media really embraces it. We don’t blame interracial marriages on Kirk kissing Uhura. I remember a few years ago, there was this huge media blitz about the “lesbianism” on Party of Five, when Neve Campbell kissed Olivia d’Abo. It was a simple more or less innocent, end of a first date kind of kiss, and the show never took it any further than that. But it was a huge deal. Now, casual lesbianism is acceptable enough that Willow and Kennedy can make out on screen for two minutes on Buffy, and they can make jokes about no one even noticing. My pop band obsession of the moment, t.A.T.u is only barely measuring on the controversy richter scale, and only because they are all but shouting at the top of their lungs: “look we’re underage girls, we’re naked and making out on stage, we’re sexy teen-lesbians engaged in hot lesbian actions. We are corrupting your youth! Fear us!” If it had been a couple of boys, there’d be public outrage. Too soon, I guess.

What happened? How did we get here? There are hot cheerleaders on the net! Where did we go wrong? Was it the media? Did Mike Wallace make little Cindy’s tits grow and teach her to start flirting with 20-year-old guys? No. I think we got to the point where the net became accepted. Back in my day, using a computer made me a geek. Now, the cool kids are doing it.

The sad thing is, now that there really are seventeen-year-old, 5’6, slutty, blonde girls with double-D cup breasts, and only weigh 107lbs, swinging both ways, loins burning with desire, where are the lonely, geeky college guys to capitalize on it.