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on the capture of bloodthirsty deposed tyrants…

So, apparently Saddam Hussein has been captured. With minimal resistance and no shots fired apparently. They walked into his cave, found this unkempt, homeless looking guy with a long beard who hadn’t bathed in weeks and said “excuse me sir, are you Saddam Hussein?” and he said “yup…” and they said “could you kindly put on these handcuffs and come with us?” and he said “sure, no problem…” and then they said “Mr. Bush will be flying in directly to repeatedly rape you up the ass if that’s ok with you.” and he said “sounds like a party!”

What the fuck?

You know, I remember during the other Iraqi war when Bush I, would compare Hussein to Hitler, and I was kinda like “hmmm, that seems like kinda an overstatement, but ok, I see his point.” But now, like, what the fuck? You know, at least Hitler had the good sense to put a bullet in his own skull and burn his body beyond recognition so that his legend could live on, and there’d be mystery as to whether he had died or not even 50 years later. I mean, come on… mysterious death… its not that hard… Hitler, Elvis, Tupac. Saddam, you could have been a contender.

Now we’ve got people on Meet the Press talking about what to do with him. Popular belief is that he is gonna be turned over to the Iraqis for trial. For what? At least the US could try him for crimes against humanity or something. But what can Iraq fairly try him for? I mean sure, they could just kill him because he’s an evil mass murdering bastich, but technically he was an evil mass murdering bastich who was the sovereign ruler of his nation at the time. Sure, he was an ass, but technically he didn’t break any Iraqi laws.

So now we have the interesting political fallout in our countries presidential race. Particularly the democratic nomination. Up until a few hours ago, Howard Dean was the clear front runner for the democratic nomination. But as Tim Russert and Tom Brokaw pointed out this morning, he did that largely on the “war is bad” platform, going so far as to make the statement last week “this administration hasn’t even been able to catch Saddam Hussein” and that’s gone now. They actually had Joe Lieberman on this morning and he had the nerve to actually say “with all due respect, lets face facts, there are only two serious candidates for this upcoming election, Howard Dean and myself.” He went on to talk about how the American people needed a president who was willing to fight the war on terrorism and Dean isn’t willing to do that, so elect him.

Ok, Joe, dude… if you’re reading this, and like I’m sure you are (as sure as you are that you and Dean are the only serious presidential candidates for 2004), with all due respect, lets face facts… first of all, no offense, but you’re awfully jewish. Not that there’s anything wrong with being jewish… its just that the country is still pretty fucked up, and there are a lot of people who are simply going to vote against you just because… well you’re awfully jewish. You know… sort of like the way that people would vote against me because I am so clearly a chinaman. Second, ummm… well you keep forgetting that the guy who’s there now is pretty much willing to fight that war. You know, I have my own personal problems with Lieberman regarding his stances on media censorship, but really, I mean, to me his candidacy seems to mostly consist of “vote for me because I’m just as good as Bush, but I have this here I’m a Democrat bumper sticker.”

Fuck it… I’m voting for Sharpton…

om

17 comments for “on the capture of bloodthirsty deposed tyrants…

  1. December 14, 2003 at 7:54 am

    Not on issues really, but gut-reaction-wise… I don’t like Lieberman because he’s pretty damn conservative and I just get this feeling that he’s judgemental. I don’t know why, just do.

    Not that she has a chance, but I love Carol Mosley-Braun. She’s so well spoken and clever and funny and I think she’d do a great job. I know, I know…. black AND a woman… the US is not quite ready for that. 😛

    1. mav
      December 14, 2003 at 9:43 am

      Yes, Lieberman is very conservative. My reasons for not liking him are usually due to his stances on censorship in the media, and protection of the children. Pretty much the same problems I had with Gore, but he’s worse. He’s also extremely conservative along many other lines. Like I said, he’s a republican with a democrat bumper sticker.

      Mosley-Braun is ok, but yeah, like you said, she’s unelectable. But at least she’s not aggressively black. She is kind of aggresively female. In a way that say, Hilary Clinton isn’t. Like I think Lieberman is also aggressively jewish, and that’s going to keep him from ever being president. Being a minority is going to hurt you in any circumstance, in order to be a serious contender for president, I think you need to seriously downplay it. Hilary, you’re almost able to forget she’s a woman. I mean, look at Sharpton. Has anyone actually listened to him in the last year or so. He’s not that bad. He’s at least no worse than anyone else. He’s being murdered by his past…. and his hair…

      1. December 14, 2003 at 9:48 am

        I think I mostly like her conversational style. When I’ve heard her talk, it’s mostly been like chatting with a friend. She makes little jokes, tells interesting anecdotes, makes smart observations…. okay, this isn’t a good reason to elect a president, but it’s a lot more than I can say for the current idiot in office. 🙂

        1. mav
          December 14, 2003 at 9:54 am

          oh come now… be fair to the idiot. I think he’s very good at conversational talking. Bush II’s strongest point is his air of familiarity when he speaks. He tells little jokes, has the cute little accent, makes cartoonish facial gestures, spout old west cliches and he’s the kinda guy you feel like you can go out and knock back six or seven beers or snort a couple lines with.

          Now as you said, this doesn’t necessarilly make you a good president… but he’s definitely good at that. (well, provided you like rednecks/redneck humor)

  2. December 14, 2003 at 8:07 am

    Sure, he was an ass, but technically he didn’t break any Iraqi laws.

    Actually, all they technically have to prove is that *one* of the hudreds of thousands (at last count) of people he ordered murdered were killed for a reason other than state security or as a punishment for a crime. Like maybe, one of the people he fed into a goddamn woodchipper just to hear the screams.

    Then he’s up on a murder charge. Which, I believe, carries the death penalty in Iraq.

    More to the point, though, it’s a political question. We want to let the Iraqi’s try him, so that they feel more independent, and it can help them recover psychologically. We sure as shit don’t want him tried in Den Hague, where there’s no death penalty. Nothing like keeping the guy alive to scare the shit out of the Iraqi’s that he might get free one day and come back to terrorize them some more.

    An interesting note – did you notice that the Iraqi *journalists* were chanting “Death to Saddam”? I don’t think his positions on freedom of the press left them feeling very objective…

    1. mav
      December 14, 2003 at 9:38 am

      Actually, all they technically have to prove is that *one* of the hudreds of thousands (at last count) of people he ordered murdered were killed for a reason other than state security or as a punishment for a crime. Like maybe, one of the people he fed into a goddamn woodchipper just to hear the screams.

      Then he’s up on a murder charge. Which, I believe, carries the death penalty in Iraq.

      No…you’re thinking like evil american capitalist swine. He was a soveriegn lord of state. A king. A dictator. That’s the glory part of being a dictator. Your word is law. Therefore if he said someone was a criminal punishable by death, then they were. Kind of the same reason that Henry the VIII can kill his wives but random other englishmen couldn’t. It’s not a representative democracy. Our rules don’t apply. (or didn’t, anyway)

      On the other hand, to us he’s a war criminal so we can try him however we want.

      The hard part is in order for the sanctity of the American ideal of democracy to be preserved in the court of world opinion, the appearance of a fair and just trial needs to be maintained. This is difficult because everyone pretty much already hates him.

      Its actually pretty messy and should be very fun from a civics/sociology/cultural study point of view.

    2. December 14, 2003 at 2:48 pm

      Like maybe, one of the people he fed into a goddamn woodchipper just to hear the screams.

      Cab you provide any sort of documentation that may shed of light on this claim? Or really anything remotly close to it? Because really, it just sounds like a fabrication born of propaganda.

      1. December 15, 2003 at 6:11 am

        I was exaggerating for effect, but only slightly. It was actually his son, Uday, who fed people into a woodchipper feet first. As for source, I read that in the Washington Post and heard it on CNN a while ago (back in August or September I think). I’ll see if I can find you a link to something online.

        1. December 15, 2003 at 6:15 am

          Hey, I feed people into a woodchipper feet first, and no armies are coming after me!

          Which is my way of saying, after 90 minutes of typing on this subject, I grow tired of it. Ultimatly, the point is moot.

  3. December 14, 2003 at 8:09 am

    sigh. now there’s no way he won’t get re-elected. 4 more wars! 4 more wars!

    1. December 14, 2003 at 8:22 am

      (trying to be optimistic) Bush senior’s rating were way up after the Gulf War. and everyone thought he was a shoe-in…

      1. mav
        December 14, 2003 at 9:51 am

        Well, Bush I’s problem was that he had his war way to early. Also, after some initial success, he basically returned to more or less a status quo situation. So after it was over, he really had nothing to show for it, and two years later, he couldn’t really milk it in the polls. Bush II’s war is still ongoing a mere 11 months before elections. Assuming he wraps things up in say Feb., he only has to milk it for a 9 month campaign, and that’s easily doable. If he stretches it out til election time, that’s even better for him. Traditionally war time presidents do fairly well. Also working for him is the fact that, for better or for worse, he is making very obvious lasting changes over there. The status quo has been upset. Whether that’s positive or negative is all about PR and spin. But since its there, its something he can use.

        In any case, I really don’t think Bush winning this election will have to do much with the war. It will have to do with the fact that there really isn’t anyone all that appealing to vote for as an alternative right now.

    2. mav
      December 14, 2003 at 9:46 am

      to an extent what steph said… but then see my reply to her (which i am about to write) as well…

  4. December 14, 2003 at 8:24 am

    at least Hitler had the good sense to put a bullet in his own skull and burn his body beyond recognition so that his legend could live on, and there’d be mystery as to whether he had died or not even 50 years later.

    Well, we have dna tests nowadays.

    1. mav
      December 14, 2003 at 9:55 am

      yeah, but Hitler would have changed his DNA… he was clever that way…

  5. December 14, 2003 at 3:02 pm

    so…

    so this has nothing to do with your rant but last night i was at the upstage visitng some friends and this guy(a european guy) walks up and says i know you you were at Mav’s halloween party you wore a plaid mini skirt(my second costume of the night) he was all like i was staring at you all night want to go to an after hours club…i declined and went and hung out with 2 guys from type o negative and their gf and her friend that was really cool.i told her strang european men were hitting on me again and she started to laugh.

  6. December 23, 2003 at 2:18 am

    I suggest voting for me because ummmm….because, well…..I’m not any of those other assholes. Yippee!!!

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