And so it shall be and so it has come to pass…
A month ago I had this idea. I stated that I would take a simple geek and turn him into a stunning metrosexual. Some were excited. Some laughed. Some said it couldn’t be done… Over the course of the last several weeks, there was much discussion about the subject and what could and couldn’t be accomplished. There was concern that I might try to make Kenn (the geek) into something that he wasn’t. There was concern that he would resist or that I wouldn’t do enough. Sad though I am to report, there were even a few nay sayers who doubted my brilliance! Pshaw! Pshaw I say! So today, was the magic day. And here are the results.
Oh, and if anyone has actually seen Queer Eye. This is the part where we compliment and bash and generally talk about the results. So please, I look forward to commentary. I’d like to know what people like and don’t like. Any further suggestions. Any first impressions… Anything that comes to mind at all. kenoubi and papertygre are probably pretty interested as well.
Oh… final tally for the entire treatment, including purchase of all new clothes, shoes, haircut, razor and much styling product: $177.70
And without further ado:
The Before Portrait
The Before Profile
The After Portrait
The After Profile
After three quarter portrait
And various outfits:
So what do you think?
EDIT: Ratha took some pictures of the makeover in progress. They are here.
Wow. You are amazing!
🙂 Me or him?
you, and transitively him! whee!
well then thank you muchly… 🙂
awww nice job, I definately like the after look:P, he single? *wink*
See, now that’s the remark of success right there… I’m waiting to see how many random women start hitting on him.
Excellent work with the hair and beard. Retains the casual look but with a lighter feel and brings out the eyes and facial structure nicely. I don’t care for the tie in the first set, especially not with that jacket, and I don’t think the tie with unbuttoned collar look is a good idea. Not a big fan of the blue and green plaid blazer either, but the plaid shirts are fine.
judging by comments, its looking like the loose tie with jeans and blazer is the most give and take look. That’s fair. I never expected to please everyone.
The thing with the looseness of the tie and all is that its kind of messy, but also kinda preppy… kind of a mix between the geek world and the professional world, but I think a bit of a harder sale in the geek world. Anyway, my instructions for that particular outfit were that it was a business causual thing (depending on whether or not he was at a company that would allow him to wear jeans). I felt that buttoning the shirt and tightening the tie made him look like he actually was working, but in a relaxed environment, I think unbuttoning it makes him look a little less uptight.
The blue and green blazer was a hard sale for me. It looks very muted in photos, but its actually pretty damn vibrant in person. What’s really distracting about it are the gold buttons. I believe I told him to never wear it with anything other than all black, because if he did, it just becomes really overpowering. But with the all black I like it. To me, it kind of says “date at semi-sophisticated restaurant” and I believe he and did in fact go to Soba last night to celebrate. I agree though it is kinda quirky. Most of the stuff we got him is. I kinda wanted to keep him that way. A lot of plaids or striped textures. Kind of out of place, but in a sophisticated and intentional way. Not the kind of stuff I could ever wear, but I feel like it works for him. I’ll have to ask them later if he got whistled at or anything. 🙂
Anyway, its all about the experimenting. We’ll see what happens as he learns which stuff he is more or less comfortable in himself.
We did, and I wore exactly that outfit. 🙂
and how’d it go? whistles? comments? did they invite you into the super-SEEKRET beautiful people in the back? Most importantly, did Ratha find a dress to wear with her new heels?
No, the dress I thought I had is in Florida, apparently, so I wore a short black skirt, and wore the heels with it anyway 🙂
well that was probably ok… did you take pictures? 🙂
we can take you dress shopping if you like, you know…
Wow
What a difference. Good job.
Amazing what a good haircut and a neat shave can do isn’t it? My only comment on the clothes is that I’d like the blue plaid jacket better with the jeans I think. The other jacket would look better with the dark pants. The blue jeans are too blue with the jacket he’s wearing. However, the tie is great with those jeans. I don’t know if he’s got any interviews to do, but if he does, he should wear the outfit with the jacket and dark pants; looks very good.
Who knew who was hiding under all of that hair? Bravo!
I hope he’s happy with the results. It turned out great. And he looks comfortable.
Re: Wow
I thought I was nuts for thinking “blue jeans too blue” but since you said it I don’t feel bad commenting 😉
Re: Wow
yeah, I kind of see where you guys are going with this. hopefully you read this part, since they have a good point.
Anyway, I don’t know that they’re “too blue” to the point that it looks bad, but I definitely wouldn’t go with anything any brighter than what they are. I think what would be really great here would be a very faded pair of blue jeans. Something that looked really comfortable. Unfortunately, all we had to work with was the one pair of brand new jeans that I bought him. I don’t think he has many other blue jeans, and I think that the blue color is a lot better for that outfit than black (as casual… it’d be different if he was actually trying to be businessy and dress up and whatnot). I think of this as a look for a software engineer meeting a client at a casual dot.comish company or if he were a young prof teaching a class in college. Kinda official but still really laid back.
The other thing is that most of his jeans that he already has (at least the ones I’ve seen him with) are too short for him. Seeing ankle should be a rarity that occurs only in certain postures of sitting. So as he buys more jeans of proper length, he’ll open up more options. As for this pair… well, they’ll fade with washing. And that will probably help.
Actually, for you Derrick, as a fellow fashion maven… Curious as to what you think of the longer coat. I like it because it sort of keeps the trenchcoat style that he’s comfortable with, but its both a MUCH more appealing length, and the texture of it make it much more interesting. I think he’s still kind of into the trench coat idea in his mind, but I really think this works much better, while still fitting in with the general geeky mentality, ya know? Opinions?
Re: Wow
The length is fine, It actually looks good. I’m unsure about the pattern. I think I’d need to see it in person. See, really I’m not qualified to comment here because it’s not women’s fashion 😉
Re: Wow
good point… next time well put him in nice black mini and some pumps…
Re: Wow
About the blue/green with the jeans. Maybe… I’m not sure. It a lot more vibrant in real life than it looks in the pictures, and I’d be very afraid of bad color clash. Maybe once the jeans have faded, but I still don’t know. It is VERY bright… I think it needs serious darks (read: black) to tone it down. I guess he could try anything though.
I think he was happy with the results, and he did look very comfortable to me too. I think the general stronger jawed look, the better hair and the being comfortable contribute a lot to the “hotness” of the look. I’m waiting to see what he says once he finally gets around to commenting, but I think he looks great.
I was just wondering what happened to this project. He looks great – very natural, and very much in his own element in those clothes, while being stylish.
You should really form a Pittsburgh Fab 5, as long as I’m invited along. And as long as we can be straight.
natural and … well … “Kenn-like” were pretty much the goals I was aiming for. I think a lot of people thought that I might go out there and dress him like me. But he doesn’t look like me, so that would have been wrong. I think this does a pretty good job of accentuating him.
Well, if there were a Pittsbugh Fab 5 (n’at) what would your specialty be?
Well, if there were a Pittsbugh Fab 5 (n’at) what would your specialty be?
Attitude.
Ok, here’s your new hair. Here’s your new clothes. Here’s your new AK-47, now bust a cap in his candy ass!
Ghetto Eye for the White Guy?
I love it! West Siiiiiide!
ooh… we’d have to do it completely different… get people braids… Put them in some throwback jerseys and some big shoes with no laces… have a guy named “Jigga” being our “culture” expert and hookin the wiggas up with the dope beats…
This ones for the people… Hell yeah…
Astounding work! You cleaned him up without changing his essential look. Very nice. Kenn, it works!
Thank you…
(as a long standing KGB, etc. member) I’m also curious as to what you personally think of the long coat. (I asked Derrick a similar question). One of the things that bothers me about Kenn wearing a trench coat is that despite the functionality, it just screams geeky CMU student. And really, its not all that fashionable. Especially for someone skinny. What I like about that coat is that it sort of has the “trench coat look” but its at a much more fashionable length, it makes him look taller, and it has a good visual texture to it (something that I have discovered is very important to clothing Kenn). I think it makes for a much more unique and appealing look. Opinions?
Woo hoo! He looks so much more approachable and attractive from just the quick look at somebody I don’t know. I’m loving the outfit with the grey pinstripe jacket. Of course, I’m a sucker for pin stripes… And I like the overcoat, which is still geeky, but looks good with the trimmed beard. Also, he has very nice eyes and you can see them, whereas before, you could only see HAIR. 🙂 Great job, Mav!
Thank you.
I think its best to see comments from people completely outside the situation who don’t actually know Kenn at all, so that it truly is an honest first impression.
And thankyou for commenting on the coat. Its about time somone talked about that. I think that’s one of the best things we got (for reasons discussed in answers to and above. Pretty much for the reasons you said “still geeky, but much more appealing.”
Anyway, thanx Jet.
Wonderful!!! The haircut and beard trim are genious! He’s got a great jaw line, and now you can see it!
Good catches…
I think the haircut really helps bring out his eyes, and since it shows a lot more of his neck, it makes him look a lot taller and more appealing. The smaller beard also helps to show his neck, and more importantly defines a scrong jawline. I actually think his chin is rather round and smooth, so I didn’t want to go with no facial hair. With what we’ve done instead, we’ve sort of used the beard to define a more angular and strong jaw. I think it comes across as quite handsome actually.
Bravo. I love that the cute face hiding under all of that beard is now visible, and that the long hair was tamed instead of lost (also lending a bit to being able to see his face).
I’m also anti-tie-on-not-buttoned-shirt, but that’s just me.
Most important is the added bit of confidence I can see on Kenn’s face. Kudos to Mav and Kenn for trusting his crazy ass in this matter.
🙂
Another tie hater… ah well, can’t please everyone all the time 🙂
Yeah, I think the confidence does a lot for it. If you “know you look good” without looking arrogant about it, its going to create a much better affect. I think there was some initial shock, but past that, I think he was really getting used to the fact that “wow, I’m like hot and stuff now” and that’s going to really increase the appeal. But also, yes the clothes and hair do look a lot more… umm…m I dunno… “respectable?” so I think its a lot easier to have that confidence. And if he gets results, it should build on that.
that’s so unbelievable! You did a super job! Kenn, you look super, I hope you like your new look b/c it looks awesome!
You look awesome in Blues, especially lighter blues, I like the light tops and dark bottems combo, it works really well! The hair is perfect and the facial hair really works well!! Bravo!
Agreed… I think the light blues and the dark greens are very good for him. Also, as I’ve mentioned a few times before here, I also like the patterns for him. Hence all the paids and the pinstripes. Which light top and dark bottom are you referring to specifically?
I was so impressed I made Dani run into the room and check out the project 😛
Our favorite picture was
His expression, body position and the colors we liked. I like the way his hair frame his face and I think someone else mentioned now his jaw line is a lot more accentuated.
the funny part is he’s trying to fix his hair in that picture. I included it because I think it makes a good candid, and you can really check out the jacket, which I like a lot.
w00t
Mav r00l3z!!! Kenn wins! Ratha wins! (Although she’ll have to beat away the CMU geek girls with a stick.)
Re: w00t
ah… she needs the excercise anyway… plus, you know… chick fight!!! 😉
BTW, it’s the haircut and the shave. The clothes are fine, but the beard and split ends were hideous.
yeah… the grooming did a lot in this case… and it really wasn’t very expensive, either. I think it really did basically “make the look.” But I don’t want to underestimate the clothing either. Particularly the longer looser pants (his old jeans were not only too short, but too tight a cut given how skinny he is) and the textured clothing. Mike made a comment that essentially all I did was put him in some flannels but that for him that’s a step in the right direction. I think that’s a really important point. For most stuck in a rut kinda guys, you’d probably burn all their flannel and put them in something nicer, but in his specific case, I really really think it works for him. I think it gives him a relaxed look that works well for him. I particularly like it when mixed with the geeky Nintendo T-Shirt.
w00t!
Oh my gosh! WOW!
Kenn, I should have known there was a cute guy to go with that awesome brain. I applaud your willingness to update your style. You look fantastic. (I mean, honestly, there were a few pictures in there were I was like, “I’D HIT IT!” but only in that way that doesn’t get me beaten up by Ratha.)
Mav- Thank you so much for seeing the style potential in my good friend. I want the world to get to know this guy, and you’ve put that in motion. Thank you, thank you.
Re: w00t!
See Ratha, Jer was right… better go out and get a nice sized stick.
And really Kenn, to degenerate into utter crassness, what better compliment is there than “fuckable?” Unless of course, the way you meant “I’d hit it” was an uppercut to the chin… but if so you are a bad bad lady… 😉
Re: w00t!
🙂
Re: w00t!
A Ha!!!
the smile of a woman who went out today and got herself a good stick… 😉
haha nice job
tell him i said hi.
uh huh… see… He’s like a rock star. High school girls are throwing their panties at him… 😉
Thanx, Jess…
The hair and beard definitely look better. Personally, I’m not a fan of the blue jeans, green plaid blazer, and tie combination, though. As has been mentioned previously the blue and the green just don’t look right together, and as for the tie, well I’m just generally anti-necktie. 🙂
You know… i hardly thought that that would be the questionable look. But maybe you have a good point. Maybe its the fact that ties are just kinda “formal” for people of our ilk. I like it because I think it allows him to express some character. Particularly in a work type setting, but hey… to each his/her own.
I like the tie!
that’s cuz you have culture and sophistication, luv. 😉
that actually made me laugh
and a laughing van is a happy van and a happy van is undeniably a good thing for all involved! 🙂
Nicely done.
thank you…
Nice, nice job.
thanx…
holy shit, mav. that really just defies the limits of imagination. well done indeed.
and congrats, ken
er, kenn.
and ratha too.
yep… another girl, another stick…
yeah… I was much more pleased than even I thought I’d be. I think the whole thing turned out well.
Great job on the first pass – now what is he going to do with it? Has he gone through Beard Maintenance 101? Will he continue to shave and trim regularly? I’m sure time will tell, but hopefully he’s encouraged by the overwhelmingly positive reaction to the new look.
For me, the clean beard and hair not falling into his eyes is the selling point. He does have a nice face, no need to hide it. And a definite thumbs-up for keeping the quirky/geeky style. He’s a good looking guy.
Yeah, we talked a lot about hair and beard maintenance. And actually, believe it or not, he has really good hair. It was just the having grown so out of control for so long that was messing it up. The upkeep steps aren’t all that bad, so I think he’ll be fine.
I think the slightly long hair framing his face is really good for him. Particularly given that he has nice blue eyes and that he’s going to have to wear glasses with them. I think the overall effect of the hair and beard is very nice.
Confidence is the ultimate accessory. And it’ll be easier for him to wield now.
“watch where you swing that confidence… you could put an eye out…”
*golf clap*
Nicely done, Mav. Who’s the next target?
good question… I dunno… a few people have inquired. Its been suggested that I start charging. *shrug*
How’d the PayPal button work out?
Amazon, actually, and not all that great. There were only 3 donations for a total of $33 (more like $30, after fees) but i guess it was good that there was an online way to give money available…
More publicity, dude. Maybe you could charge the next few people so you have more to publicize, then let the Internet spread the phenomenon far and wide.
are you volunteering?
Man, I’m all kinds of broke. Otherwise, I’d be up for it. I like new clothes.
I suggest going on a pledge drive…
Hmm….
We must get Jameel a new wardrobe in the next 30 days or the lord will call him home. Donate $5 and get a nice “I dressed Jameel” bumper sticker. A $50 gift will get you this stunning tote bag!
$500 and you get a post-makeover date!
$1000, gets you a pos-makeover date “with release” 🙂
I am very impressed at the results. He does have a great facial structure, now that we can all see it. I like the still-geeky-but-sophisticated-and-confident look. 🙂
Yet another girl… yet another stick Ratha needs for the beating… 🙂 Thanx, Srah.
WOW! He looks hot. You did an amazing job.
thankyou… the feed back has been overwhelmingly positive. So I think we can consider this a success. I’m actually pretty astounded by the number of women who actually have used the term “HOT!” I think that says something in and of itself.
on the cover of the new jcrew catalog is a dude wearing bright (orange) pants, a white shirt, a dark sportcoat, a loose tie, round toed shoes (w/ no laces, wtf). bottom middle of: http://www.jcrew.com/content/891/vieques/pr1.jhtml . anyway, mav, you’re obviously in the know.
I try to keep my fingers on the pulse of the nation, as it were…
yeah, I actually like the loose tie on him. It is very ummm… I dunno… modern… a bit preppy sure, but given the odd choices of color and pattern I think it gives a very relaxed and casual look. I think my mom has a point with the comments about wanting to see it with dressier pants, but hey… its a start…
Wheee… I could work for J.Crew… somehow I feel… uh… something…
Wow. Just . . . wow.
Frankly, the clothes aren’t really to my taste. But they compliment him pretty well. The hair and beard trim are definitely the kicker — he looks like one of those young, savvy AI guys who do something stupefyingly brilliant and then get ripped after the conference and take notes for their next project on a cocktail napkin while ignoring the hottie grad student who’s hitting on them. Well done.
Frankly, the clothes aren’t really to my taste. But they compliment him pretty well.
Same here… definitely not the kind of things I wear… but they work for him…
he looks like one of those young, savvy AI guys who do something stupefyingly brilliant and then get ripped after the conference and take notes for their next project on a cocktail napkin while ignoring the hottie grad student who’s hitting on them.
Yeah, don’t you just hate that guy? Actually, we were talking about that as kinda the “young professor or respectable grad school look” or maybe the “I’m the computer programmer who we don’t mind letting the client talk to every once in a while.” I think it works well.
Wow, I am quite impressed. maybe later this year I could get you to do the same for me…
Yeah, oddly, a line seems to be forming… I’m definitely going to have to start charging or something…
You’re my hero.
Aw shucks ma’am ‘twern’t nuthin… wait! you’re no lady!!!!
the neatly trimmed facial hair is the key here. The man could go back to wearing his old wardrobe, only now, since you can see his face, people will pay attention!
no no no no no… see, the haircut and shave humanized him and made him look ok… the clothes are what make him look hot. Sure, he could keep the facial look adn go back to his old clothes and look ok… but really, we got the beating women off with a stick thing working here… don’t want to lose that.
Wow, you guys did an awesome job with him! Superficially from the photos, it’d make the Queer Eye guys proud. Now the how good of a job was done is determined by how much of this information he absorbed and how well he can maintain his new looks. An update in the future would be neat to see how well he can do on his own.
yeah… I’m actually looking forward to see how he does on his own for a few weeks and how he adapts as he starts finding the personal touches to “own the look.” You know?
double WOW
Mav, nice job. Kenn, you look fabulous. {raises glass of champagne}
1) The de-Chia-ing of the face/head-hair was key.
2) I think the blazer over jeans look really works. That’s a keeper. The blue-and-green plaid blazer though, I’m not so sure.
3) Some Vaseline Intensive Lip Care. Maybe some facial exfoliant.
4) My absolute fave picture is the primping one! It’s sooo cute. The one with the beer was also nice.
5) Kenn seems to look more confident.
6) He really could be GeekMate of the month if SCS should want to do a calendar.
7) Maybe Ratha should get a taser. Not because she’ll need to use it, necessarily. But it would just be cool to say, “I have a taser.”
Re: double WOW
de-Chia-ing is the coolest word ever…
The lip care idea is a good one… Kenn, are you still paying attention?
Yeah, I think he looks a lot more confident too…
Tasers rock…
I, for one, really like the tie-with-unbuttoned-shirt thing. I think it’s a nice balance between preppy and casual. And I’m a huuuuge fan of that green and blue plaid jacket, I think it would look good with jeans and a white t-shirt. But that’s just me.
Anyway, great job! What a transformation!!!
*humming “Puttin on the Ritz”*
thankyou… a voice of reason… also says thankyou.
Obviously, I can’t proove it, but I think a lot of people are checking the look and saying “I wouldn’t wear that.” as opposed to “does it suit him.” Maybe not… I dunno. Obviously, people’s personal tastes are going to come into view, and if you don’t like ties, that’s going to affect your opinion I guess… but hey… to each his own. I don’t think the clothing difference is all that drastic, but I do think its a lot more updated and stylish… and like I’ve said to other people… I’m really excited to see what happens over the next month or so while he’s maintaining on his own.
I have found that a lot of people have trouble putting themselves in the metaphorical shoes of others. Used to confuse the hell out of me when I was younger, because it comes naturally to me. But anyway.
Yes, the question is, will he keep it up? I’m cheering for all, especially his girlfriend! (assumption on my part, since it is not explicitly stated)
well yeah, only I think they’re not the clothes Kenn would have necessarilly picked for himself, he seemed pretty happy once he was actually trying stuff on. So its kinda me putting myself in the metaphorical shoes I thought he SHOULD be wearing, more than the ones he was.
The upkeep is the next question, yes… I think he’s pretty pleased, so I expect he will, but he actually hasn’t commented all that much since the makeover (which I think is kinda uncharacteristic of him), so we’ll see… perhaps the overflow of women has been too much for him… I should have warned him of the dangers of opening the gate…
Yes, is his girlfriend. That’s more clear in the old post, I guess. And most people knew that, I suppose… but yeah, she is… and based on what she posted in her LJ, I think she’s happy with the results too… (i think she may have been more scared than he was).
Saw this link on s&e but forgot to comment. Very well done! The clothes aren’t a style I prefer, but they go pretty well with him. I think the haircut and removal of the facial-chia were the biggest and most important parts. Even though I’m not a fan of any facial hair, that well-styled bit of fuzz is much much much MUCH more attractive (and fitting to his age) than the earlier poof.
Congrats again, Mav. I’d love to see you keep this up. 🙂
Congrats again, Mav. I’d love to see you keep this up. 🙂
Honestly, I enjoyed it… dunno who I’d go with next though… nor how much should be charged or anything like that… will have to think about all of that… perhaps I’ll have ambition to post an LJ poll.
Nice work, Mav. The essence appears to have been combed and trimmed without being disturbed. You’re the Fab 5 all rolled into one.
well really, we just concentrated on 2 of the Fab 5 areas… but yeah, I was pretty happy with the end game… So thankyou for the praise…
What my mom said
All I can say is that Kenn has to be the very best sport in all of human history. Tell him I think he looks great EITHER way!!
Re: What my mom said
good, good… I was hoping they were pleased with their investment…
how is Kenn feeling about things anyway… both of you have been… well… uncharacteristically comment-eriffic about the process since it ended and I was curious. He seemed rather excited before, and I figured he’d pop in here and say something sooner or later… or post on his blog or something…
as is, I was afraid that perhaps you’d killed him…
Re: What my mom said
In a way, it’s been scary. It’s been difficult enough to adapt to his physical presence, now that he’s no longer visiting and not being held at arm’s length as “a friend.” I have come to frequently compare myself to him, for example; his memory tends to be clearer than mine, his coding skill and knowledge of technical information better, and he speaks more confidently on the first pass. In a way, we were better matched on IM, because I had time to compose more intelligent responses. (A topic of ongoing conversation between us is whether it is possible to “think without words”: he claims it isn’t possible, because as soon as he has a thought he has words for it, but I claim that I usually do think without them and then when I go to speak, I have to translate and it is relatively awkward.)
So, before, it almost seemed that he simply didn’t care for mundane things. It was beneath him, he didn’t have the time to be concerned about frivolous things like fashion. This provided a bit of balance, possibly. But now it’s as if he’s mutated into something supernatural, something I can’t be sure I know the preferences and motivations of. Whenever he’s concentrating on something and in serious mode, so that his personality is hidden for a minute, I sometimes find myself gazing at him and thinking, Who is this? Do I really know this person?
As Kenn mentioned, I do like the shorter beard. But even that is hard to get used to. Maybe I would prefer it all trimmed the same length rather than partly shaved; perhaps that would seem less affected. I suppose that some time is just required to get used to it.
I think I share some of his reaction to the comments on this journal entry, although I am more reluctant to come out and say it. Somehow, when people were bickering to the tune of 80 comments in my journal about his and my potentially dating, it didn’t bother me. I was going to do what I decided I wanted to do, and most of the time people qualified what they said to indicate that they realized this was ultimately none of their business. But when people whom I didn’t even imagine read Mav’s journal came out to comment positively, it was, as Kenn noted, just like a big fat insult to Kenn’s former appearance, which had been self-created. I mean, a few positive comments, sure, but over 100, from strangers, most of them bubbling over with enthusiasm? Unlike with the threads in my journal, I felt like it was personal this time. At least, I sort of took it personally.
Well, that’s the raw opinion. I still think a very large “thank you” is in order for all of the time, and energy, and caring you expended on this project, Mav. And I am sure that the commenters on this post mean well. And the fact that with the healthier hair and shorter beard he has gone from cute to heart-stoppingly adorable may well be a good thing, disorienting as it is. But now when he smiles I *do* almost want to just kill him…
Re: What my mom said
I’m not going to get into all the “nature of thinking” stuff here. 1) because i already spent the better part of the morning composing my response to kenn, and 2) its just kinda deep for the context of this post… maybe in another
(Anyway, allow me to psychoanalyze for a moment here… you know I love you, and you know I don’t mean anything hurtful by anything I will say)
but for the otherstuff, I think you are being overly hard on yourself and on Kenn. I know its not what you’re “trying” to say, but basically what it sounds like is “Kenn is better than me in all these ways, I liked that he was inferior in this way… now he’s too damn perfect.” Well first of all, he isn’t perfect. Second, it should be good if he is. I talked a bit about this on Friday and I have been meaning to compose a 1KWFFH for a while on it, so maybe I will soon. But why is appearance mundane? I will grant that some intellectual pursuits might be more important, but is he any less than he used to be because now he suddenly looks good as well. In some respects, I think it might be a fear. I think that there might be a sense of “ohmigod! now people might realize he’s cool” in there. “Maybe someone else will realize how cool he is, and they won’t be put off by his appearance and I won’t be important.” Or maybe it’s the other way. Maybe before you were able to defend his personality behind the guise of “you guys only think that because he looks this way.” that’s all suddenly gone. Now if people hate him, its not going to be because he looks scary.
I dunno… really, I’m just grasping at possible straws. Truth it, its change, its major change, and that’s going to hard for you to get used to. What actually makes it worse is, you are starting to realize what some people were saying before. Despite a gazillion aim and phone conversations, you don’t really know each other. Most people go from nothing to a date, to casual dating, to serious dating and then perhaps to a long distance relationship, and then back to seriousness. You went from nothing to a long distance relationship to a serious one and yet you’re still in a learning phase, and now there’s been a sudden large disruption to the status quo. Its been constant changes, with nothing concrete to use as a basis. And this is another change while you’re still disoriented. And really, you sometimes deal with change less well than other people anyway. (which doesn’t mean you can’t)
Suffice it to say, I think any of those fears (if you do indeed have them) aren’t really necessary, nor are the ones you specifically detailed yourself. That doens’t mean they aren’t there. I just think you can get past them. You’re plenty nice, pleny smart, plenty pretty and plenty worthwhile in your own right. And for better or worse, he is still the same person essentially that he was before. If that turns out that he’s perfect, fine… if it turns out that he’s not and you didn’t really know him… well… that’s just how it is.
Anyway, there’s no need to feel threatened, and there’s no need to feel inferior and even though I’m sure you will anyway, I just want you to know that I still do love you, and keep in mind, that I don’t really know Kenn enough to give a damn about him at all (no offense, Kenn). I did this for you, and I hope you can be comfortable with that. And hey… if you want to go out sometimes and buy nice pretties for you, I’m there for you then too…
*hug*
I know I’m a little late, and thus probably few will see this, but my comments are here.
Hi Kenn, I’m Mav’s Mom. I was really glad to see your responses this morning. Just last night I told Mav that I was concerned about how you were doing with all of this. While I was one of those that really liked the transformation, I was also concerned whether you would be overwhelmed by the volume of responses. I guess it’s my Mama radar at work! Be assured that the comments ARE superficial as they are comments on your appearance only, not on your inner self. As most of us don’t actually know you, the comments on improvement refer to the new look; not a new you. I hope that you find that the changes bring positive responses from others. That said, I hope you are comfortable with the changes, because ultimately that’s what matters.
Yeah… I was kinda trying to get at that. The overwhelming response is something that’s probably hard for a lot of people to get used to. I’m used to it… he may not be. But also keep in mind, the comments here are actually, (and this sounds egotistical, but it is what it is) a commentary on me, not on Kenn. Many people don’t actually know Kenn. So its more they are responding to a change that I did. He’s sort of being objectified here. But he isn’t actually one of my paintings, he’s a person, so its kinda weird. People comment on anything I talk about here. And if Ricky Lake and Jenny Jones have taught us anything, its that people really LOVE the makeover episode, so they comment even more. Anyway, the initial onslaught of “look what Mav did” should be over now. So here comes the really exciting (though subtle) part. What do people in the real world think of him?
Not gonna hit every point you made since I just don’t have the time at this moment, and also, I’m not sure you actually care about my opinions on every one of your points… but if there is something in particular you want my take on, by all means feel free to ask me here, or online or in person or whatever…
Touching on specific points:
1) Permanence. As I pointed out when this started, everything we did to you in temporary and quite reversible. Obviously the beard and hair are slow to return to their original state. But its doable. Since its slow, that’s why we spent so much time talking about the hair and beard in particular and less talking about the clothes. I for one think the clothes really matter. I’m much more of a clothes guy than I am a hair guy. But the clothes you can take off and put your old stuff on and never think about it again. The beard and hair will take a few months. So I wanted to make extra sure you were happy with them. That’s why I had you make the ultimate decision on the mustache. And why I double checked every thing I was thinking of with you and showed you all those magazine pics and stuff… I really needed to make sure you were going to be happy with the end result there. Or at least reasonably so. Granted, I knew it would be scary and you’d be apprehensive in any case, but I was fairly confident by Saturday morning with the general grooming decisions I was thinking of. And wonder of wonder, I was actually planning on having you shave the mustache, but then, I think it looks fine the way it is now too… adds a bit of distinguishment.
2) Other people’s opinions. My mom sort of touched on this below, and I might expand on it when i get around to responding to her. I think you are somewhat upset by being “judged” by a bunch of people you don’t know. And that’s fair. Suddenly, at least for a couple days there, you are just “under the microscope” so to speak. A couple things to keep in mind though. This is extraordinarilly temporary. Literally like well over a hundred people read anything I happen to write here. And then they talk about it. I consider it a blessing, actually. In this case, you happen to be the subject of the discussion. But really, they’ll forget about you in another day or two (if they already haven’t) on their own… or especially the next time I decide to post some essay on politics or sex with teenaged girls. So part of the uncomfortability is that you are suddenly in the midst of my “fame” mediocre though it may be. Trust me, I know what its like, because I am here all the time. Maybe I should have warned you better. That’s my fault. Sorry.
That said, like my mom said, they are judging how you look. not who you are. Now in your case, they might also judge who you are. I think I pointed out when I first brought this up that this isn’t going to make you any more or less nice. And its not going to make you any more or less of an asshole either. I have no control over that. All I am affecting is people’s first impressions. Look, you have several really good friends. I don’t know you all that well, but I do know Ratha and Ed and Theadana, and I tend to think that they aren’t morons, so, I assumed that there must be something of substance there inside your head. That’s the reason I decided to do this in the first place. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. If I really thought you were absolutely without social value, I frankly would have said “fuck you, I have better things to do with my Saturday” and gone out and gotten drunk or something. So I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. But Theadana in her comment stated this herself. You’re approachable now. That’s all anyone is saying… Yes, it is sort of a direct attack (as you put it) on your old look (not on you). Frankly, you looked like a crazy person. A serial killer. The fact that you weren’t was immediately secondary, because you were so unapproachable to start with. Now at least you look a way where you at the very least make a more or less neutral first impression if not a favorable one. What you do with it after that is your business. You can be aloof. You can be nice. You can be funny. You can be smart. You can be an asshole. Its just that now there are people who are going to stick around and find out who the real you is rather than just making the assumption “I don’t want to talk to that guy, because obviously he kills and eats people.” Is that a fair assumption to make? Maybe not, but that’s just people. At one point, I thought you were specifically rebelling against that, but when talking to you a month ago, I got the impression that you really weren’t. So at least now, I feel like you have a fair shot to be a nice guy or asshole on your own merrit as opposed to that of a mound of facial hair and some pants that don’t quite fit right.
3) Tie dye and going out of style. Ok, I think you’re taking me too seriously here. Maybe I should have explained better. The reason Mike and I went on about the tie dye is that you happened to have tie dye so that sort of implied that you might like it. If that’s the case, then hey, since its “in” right now, you might as well position yourself at the top of the fashion trend because really, why the hell not. I honestly never expected you to suddenly be this chic fashion bug. I was trying to tailor your look around something that made you look, as you say “important”, and as I see you “quirky” (that’s a good thing, don’t worry about it). This is why I put you in the freaky tie, with the jeans. Its actually kinda late 80ish. Its kinda Boys II Men maybe. Retro. Same with the bright green blazer. Its very “Corey.” I wasn’t really trying to modernize you as make you definitive. I personally would never EVER wear a bright green blazer. I think it suits you. You’ll also notice that a lot of the people commenting here said “ewww, I don’t like the tie” or “ewww, I don’t like the blazer” and I basically gave them all a nice polite “fuck you, he looks good in it.” And keep in mind, a lot of these people are my really good friends… Hell, one of them is my mother. So yeah, wear it as long as you like wearing it. For the record, the plaids for instance are kinda not in. And as Mike and I joked, with anyone else, I probably would have said “what are you thinking, this ain’t 1994” and told them to burn all the flannel. But it works for you. Anyway, I say keep the tie. I say wear more ties. Its like you said, it makes you look more important without being expensive. See comment from for a pretty humorous example of why. Actually, others have also pointed out that it makes you look “professorish.” What more can you ask for? I think it gives you the “important” look you were going for without costing you a lot of money in the ways that your previous attempts didn’t. See, and I did that without you saying anything about the need to look important. Damn, I’m good.
4) Trench coats and Power. Ok, yes I don’t like the trench coat on you. I was completely upfront about that. That said, I’m making suggestions. I’m not your mother. You don’t need my permission to wear a trench coat. I just think its a mistake. Its not that I think you can’t wear it because its not cool to wear trench coats. I actually own like 3 of them. I think I told you that. But I only wear them with certain outfits. But I care about my look a lot more than you (or most people) do. The thing with the black trench coat is that due to its place in sci-fi and action adventure lore, its kinda become cliche. Its the thing that you put someone in to make them stereotypically Cool™ Dude™! And so all the geeks in the world who want to be “cool” wear them and so it becomes more associated with looking geeky and well “poserish” than it does with looking like Neo, Spike, or Collin McCleod. In fact, if you actually watch the later two Matrix movies, the costume designer actually realized this, so he stylized each of the main three characters trench coats away from the standard look “black trenchcoat.” Neo wears a simple tweed opera coat with victorian collar (and its actually ash gray instead of black), Morpheus wears a classic dressy leather overcoat, Trinity wears a fitted gothic vinyl duster that is meant to look almost more dresslike than coatlike. Each coat kind of says something about the character. Anyway, I didn’t mean to go on a pop culture tangent there. I just mean that if *I* am dressing people then you’ll be damn sure, that I am trying to say something about their personalities (or at least as I see them) when I do it. In your case, I actually intended to originally get you a dark gray wool overcoat, but once I started realized how well patterns and plaids worked for you, I changed my mind. I happen to think that overcoat is maybe the best thing we bought. I happen to see the long black trench coat as something that makes you look less important and imposing, and more… i dunno… I guess like a flasher or a street person. And its not just you, I pretty much feel that way about them in general… unless the person has the build or girth to make them not look twiggy. It just doesn’t feel sincerely cool to me. It feels like a parody. But hey, you like what you like. I pointed out in several comment replies, that I am looking forward to seeing how much you retain, how much you modify and exactly what you do to “own” the look. I probably will like some of your decisions and dislike others. But in the end, its not me who has to be comfortable walking around in your look. Its you.
5) your look in the future. I dunno… like I said… I did my best to kinda maintain your look while making it give a less offensive first impression. Shawn and others ( and come to mind immediately, but I’m sure others as well) did explicitly comment on that in fact. The intent isn’t to make you feel undignified. And really, its not to make you superstylish either. If it were, we would have chopped off a lot more hair, and bought you one suit at Remo’s instead of a whole bunch of flannel and goodwill and gabriel’s clothes. The intent was to make you into something that gave a favorable first impression, and kind of gave you a starting point to work from on your own. The hope would be that you’d say “wow, for whatever reason, this does actually make my life easier and better because of the way people treat me. Maybe there’s something to this.” You’re not really going to be metrosexual. You’re not going to be doing facials, or working out, or shopping once a month, or getting pedicures. Unless you want to. But this is kind of an intro that world. Take what you like. Take what seems like its useful or will give you a notable advantage in life. Ignore the rest.
And mostly, remember what you told me when we first started this “being comfortable in social settings does involve a certain minimal amount of effort being put into one’s physical appearance” or something like that. Well, quite honestly, I took you well beyond. I went well past merely acceptable and aimed for getting you into the category of “cute” or “hot.” Is that too far? Well, you don’t have to stay that way. Honestly, some people are uncomfortable attracting the attention comes with “being beautiful” but that doesn’t mean you have to go to the other extreme either. My interactions with you have painted you as the kind of person who does that. You tend to inject a great amount of importance into every single little detail in life. Well, they aren’t all that important. They aren’t all that significant. You made points that you weren’t “not caring about your appearance” you were trying to affect a look that made you look important. And frankly you came up with one that was quite extreme. I came up with one that was kinda extreme in another direction (and really, not so much as it could have been) and it suddenly made you a lot more acceptable to people who don’t know you. So if you don’t like it, there’s nothing wrong with settling somewhere in the middle. If a month from now you decide to burn all the clothes that I got you, wear the trenchcoat and the too short pants, but keep the new haircut and beard, I’ll feel like I accomplished something. If you keep the overcoat, but burn all the clothes, and go back to the mountain man hair and beard, I’ll feel like I accomplished something too. In neither situation will I think you are ultimately as “hot” as you can be. And frankly you aren’t now. We could have done so much more. Skin care, tanning, working out. But that’s not really the point. The point was visual improvement, not perfection. But balance is important too.
6) Other girls hitting on you. Yeah, that comes with the territory. Think of it as validation, not as something to be mad at. No one is saying you have to pick up other chicks. Its more a mark that you are making a favorable first impression. Which like I said, I think was the point. *shrug* I’ve had a girlfriend a lot longer than you have, and really trust me, compliments from other women are something to be proud of and happy about. I’m not advocating cheating or anything. Just saying, try to take reassurment in it, not offense.
I think that’s all for now… may think of more later… or like I said… feel free to ask me for clarification on anything
now there are people who are going to stick around and find out who the real you is
That’s the Whole Point! If it hadn’t been so early in the morning out here & I’d had sufficient coffee, I might have said it as well as you! 🙂