ChrisMaverick dotcom

on being the Lorax…

Every once in a while I see something on the news so annoying that I want to write one thousand words of free flowing hostility, but so stupid that I can’t be bothered to put that much thought into it.

So here’s the deal. I like trees and parks as much as the next guy. Hey, what could be so lovely as going out, enjoying the sun, listening to music, having a BBQ picnic, flying a kite, throwing the frisbee around and sneaking off to make out with the 19 year old bikini-clad sun bathers who happen to be sun bathing there? Very few things. So we need parks, I acknowledge that.

But, can someone please explain to me how a city that has a serious downtown parking problem, a city so broke that it has deemed it necessary to institute a 50% tax on what parking is available there, has seen it fit to find the funds to convert a large portion of what parking is available into a park? That’s right, apparently Tom Murphy has decided to extend Three Rivers Park by digging up the available parking by said park and planting grass and trees and stuff there. What the fuck? Who the hell is even going to go to said park? It’s downtown! No one lives there! And if I decided i wanted to drive down there and have a picnic, where the fuck am I gonna park now? I certainly am not going to pack up my barbecue, kite, frisbee and boombox on the bus. And I don’t think the 19-year-old coeds are going to ride the bus in their bikinis either. So what’s the fucking point? Dammit! danitapgh is right, this city needs me. I am so running for mayor in the next election (or city council or county commission or czar or lord high supreme commander of Pittsburgh or something… whatever can give me an iota of power in this city and the right to beat the crap out of stupid people).

EDIT: Also, someone please explain to me how, for the love of Jay-Z, shutting down the government including the US Mail for Friday is honoring the memory of President Reagan? Did Ronnie just hate when things got done or something?

In other news, congratulations to beststephi on finishing her PhD this morning. Yay!

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30 comments for “on being the Lorax…

  1. June 7, 2004 at 4:22 pm

    They didn’t shut down the whole government for Nixon did they? He did a lot more good for this country than Reagan did (hard to believe, but it’s true).

    And yeah

    1. mav
      June 7, 2004 at 6:37 pm

      yeah, apparently Nixon didn’t have a presidential funeral. They were saying this was the first one since ’73 (I think, LBJ). I don’t get why, since Nixon resigned before impeachment and indictment and therefore maintained all ex-presidential benefits (secret service protection, the library, free postage for life, etc.) Fucking hypocrits. *shrug*

      Steph says thanx…

      1. June 7, 2004 at 7:49 pm

        Now that I think about it I see why. Nixon was a Quaker. Quakers don’t do the fancy funeral thing. (or fancy anything else for that matter).

        1. mav
          June 7, 2004 at 7:54 pm

          ah… yeah, that makes sense…

  2. June 7, 2004 at 4:27 pm

    Extend 3 Rivers Park? What’s a 3 Rivers Park?

    You mean Point State Park? Well, if so, the city is being stupid… it’s a state park!

    1. mav
      June 7, 2004 at 6:39 pm

      As I understand it from the news (and I might be wrong), Three Rivers Park is the smaller city run park a little down from the point. Kind of across from where the stadium used to be.

  3. June 7, 2004 at 5:19 pm

    My school did a similar thing. U of Cincinnati has a horrible parking problem, in that it doesn’t exist. The few garages that they do have are incredibly expensive. There was one large lot that most of the students got permits for. The only real lot of substantial size, and only permit within reasonable cost. So, what did they do? Replace it with some grass and a few trees. It wasn’t even a nice park.
    Some idiots said that they’d attract more students if they had more green space on campus. But, guess what, when you have a city campus, you just have limited greenspace. Sorry. But there’s no need to eliminate a necessity that’s already in shortage.

    1. mav
      June 7, 2004 at 6:42 pm

      yep… bunch of tree huggin’ hippies… except not… I guess for one thing, this will force people to use lots instead of meters which will bring in more money from the 50% tax dollars.

      That, or no one will ever go downtown again…

      1. June 7, 2004 at 8:45 pm

        Isn’t Murphy still also trying to get rid of that parking lot and those roads between the Carnegie and the Pitt library? Maybe they’re far too convenient and well-maintained, and therefore must be destroyed.

        1. mav
          June 8, 2004 at 9:16 am

          I hadn’t heard that, but it definitely wouldn’t surprise me. God forbid there be a road in Pittsburgh with no potholes…

  4. June 7, 2004 at 5:56 pm

    I like the idea of you running for office.

    Mav is the Lorax
    He speaks for the trees
    But the trees have no parking
    So nobody sees
    The trees have no parking
    So lonely they are
    Nobody visits them
    Neither from near nor far
    The trees have no parking
    And so the park is a waste
    No people are visiting
    No 19 yr old coeds to taste
    So dig up some trees
    And lay some asphalt
    So people come visit
    So the party won’t halt
    Mav is the Lorax
    He speaks for the trees
    Don’t let them be lonely
    And don’t add more parking fees.

    1. mav
      June 7, 2004 at 6:45 pm

      *snif* That was beautiful…

      UNLESS

      1. June 7, 2004 at 6:53 pm

        thank you

        That was my MFA in action baby.

        1. mav
          June 7, 2004 at 6:59 pm

          Re: thank you

          money well spent…

          1. June 7, 2004 at 7:09 pm

            Re: thank you

            Still think you want to go to grad school?

          2. mav
            June 7, 2004 at 7:13 pm

            Re: thank you

            and I get to learn to write great poetry like that? Absolutely!

  5. June 7, 2004 at 6:21 pm

    including the mail? are you fucking kidding?
    wow.
    that’s almost infuriating.

    1. mav
      June 7, 2004 at 6:46 pm

      well… its mostly annoying… I don’t really use the mail much… but I am irritated by it.

      Nice to meet you by the way. Cute comic on your info page.

      1. June 7, 2004 at 11:25 pm

        i don’t know. i really love getting mail.

        nice to meet you as well. i found you via my “friendsfriends” page.
        the comic is from radiohead’s website
        🙂

        1. mav
          June 8, 2004 at 9:19 am

          most of my mail is bills… perhaps if someone sent me like money in the mail or something I’d like it better… ooh… you should try that… 😉

          1. June 8, 2004 at 9:21 am

            haha.
            well, most of mine is bills or junkmail.
            i like it anyway.

          2. mav
            June 8, 2004 at 9:29 am

            well if you want, I can mail my bills to you… I’m all for spreading joy around the world…

          3. June 8, 2004 at 10:21 am

            heh. 😛
            alright, but i don’t like paying bills.

          4. mav
            June 8, 2004 at 10:30 am

            that’s ok… my bills are used to not getting paid…

  6. June 7, 2004 at 6:24 pm

    I am so running for mayor in the next election (or city council or county commission or czar or lord high supreme commander of Pittsburgh or something… whatever can give me an iota of power in this city and the right to beat the crap out of stupid people).

    You’ve got my vote, as long as you remain firm in your opposition to a desk for Kayleigh.

    1. mav
      June 7, 2004 at 6:48 pm

      of course I will… Standing builds character…

  7. June 7, 2004 at 8:17 pm

    Did Ronnie just hate when things got done or something?

    Nah, I think he pretty much just hated commies, poor people, and minorities.

    1. June 8, 2004 at 6:19 am

      Which I guess means he hated you, Mav, you unemployed black pinko, you. or something.

      1. mav
        June 8, 2004 at 9:27 am

        yep… pretty much…

    2. mav
      June 8, 2004 at 9:21 am

      exactly the kind of people who deliver the US Mail… uh… or something…

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