(note: this letter may at first glance to the caucassian seem somewhat harsh on african americans. please understand that it is not intended to be so, it is intended as helpful words of advice. or as my people say: don’t hate the playa, hate the game)
Dear Sir,
I frequented your eating establishment today, and while your service was quite adequate, I could not help but notice your personal grooming. It appears that you are balding. In point of fact, you have a very large bald spot in the back of your head. It would also appear that with your remaining hair you have chosen to employ the hair style of high-top fade1 with S-curl2. Now first of all, I admit, I liked Cameo3 and Full Force4 as much as the next guy, but exactly who told you that you could work a flat-top S-curl in October of 2004? Furthermore, when you made this decision, did you not realize that you’re fucking bald?!? Seriously, at some point when applying the conk5 at do-time, or when your barber was cutting you up6 you must have noticed that there was a large spot at the top of the back of your head where there was exactly NO hair. If for no other reason, one would presume that you felt the chemical burn from the conk. That should have been a signal that maybe something was wrong. Take heart, Playa’. You are a black man. We do not need combovers. We do not need to feel embarrassed as though someone might think us a skinhead. Cut it all off! Work it Samuel Jackson style. And please, for the love of Jay-Z7, please do not let this be a transitional step wherein you are trying to bring back the shag.8
Power to the People. Peace Out!
-Mav
Footnotes for the pigmentally challenged:
[1] mid 80s to early 90s urban haircut popular in the negro community. It was typified by cutting the hair to form a flat level plane raised across the top of the head creating the illusion that the skull was in fact at the top. The fade referred to the sides of the hair being tapered and cut ever closer to the skin as it traversed down the sides of the head so it appeared to fade out.
[2] type of relaxer. A relaxer essentially being a perm utilized by negros. The S-curl creates a loose wet look in the hair, while not being as loose or wet as the Jerricurl.
[3] late 70s/early 80s funk group whose lead singer, Larry Blackman, was a high-top fade pioneer.
[4] mid to late 80s R&B/Pop group who utilized funk grooves and was fond of the S-curl hair style.
[5] slang for the chemical treatment that is used in a relaxer. Can be employed as a noun or verb.
[6] slang for having your hair trimmed by a barber
[7] HOVA, the God MC
[8] mid 80s urban haircut popular in the negro community. Combined an S-curled high-top fade with longer wisps of hair that traveled out from the top of the neck. Basically a mullet for black people.
Dude had a curl and a Kid ‘n’ Play1? How the fuck does that work?
1mid to late 80s rap group. Member Kid exemplified the high-top fade.
yep… and a bald spot to boot.
Crazyiness, I tell you.
yep… and a bald spot to boot.
Crazyiness, I tell you.
Someone should kick his ffffuckin’ ass!
nah… he just needed help, that’s all… It is not the fault of the blind that they cannot see.
nah… he just needed help, that’s all… It is not the fault of the blind that they cannot see.
Someone should kick his ffffuckin’ ass!
Dude had a curl and a Kid ‘n’ Play1? How the fuck does that work?
1mid to late 80s rap group. Member Kid exemplified the high-top fade.
the footnotes help somewhat but this whitey really needs pictures to understand. and maybe bigger letters.
done… Amazon to the rescue.
OMFG that just made it hilarious-er.
It was possibly Debarge, but that shot of Full Force nearly had me pissing myself.
yeah… I thought it added a little sumpin sumpin… And dude, Debarge was FLY!
in the rhythm of niiiiiggghhhttt…..
yeah… I thought it added a little sumpin sumpin… And dude, Debarge was FLY!
in the rhythm of niiiiiggghhhttt…..
OMFG that just made it hilarious-er.
It was possibly Debarge, but that shot of Full Force nearly had me pissing myself.
done… Amazon to the rescue.
the footnotes help somewhat but this whitey really needs pictures to understand. and maybe bigger letters.
Word.
sho you right…
sho you right…
Word.
I would recommend that you slip him a helpful note next time you get a McGrease.
well, on a good note, I expect he is pretty much removing himself from the breeding pool. So that may be a good point.
well, on a good note, I expect he is pretty much removing himself from the breeding pool. So that may be a good point.
I would recommend that you slip him a helpful note next time you get a McGrease.
Yowza. He and the playa in the beige minivan should hang out. Away from people.
I dunno… he seemed more the typed to be driving a pimped out ’87 caddy…
Hmm, well, maybe he’d be in the beige minivan when his “whip” was in the shop?
nah… that’s more a suburban, sick of his wife kinda guy… this guy was way too smooth (in his mind) to be tied down to one woman.
I’m tellin’ you, man – from the do-rag to the lean on the driver’s seat to the dents up the side, these dudes are peers…
yeah… see this guy would never wear a do-rag in public. He clearly cared a whole lot about his appearance. He just didn’t realize what decade it was.
yeah… see this guy would never wear a do-rag in public. He clearly cared a whole lot about his appearance. He just didn’t realize what decade it was.
I’m tellin’ you, man – from the do-rag to the lean on the driver’s seat to the dents up the side, these dudes are peers…
nah… that’s more a suburban, sick of his wife kinda guy… this guy was way too smooth (in his mind) to be tied down to one woman.
Hmm, well, maybe he’d be in the beige minivan when his “whip” was in the shop?
I dunno… he seemed more the typed to be driving a pimped out ’87 caddy…
Yowza. He and the playa in the beige minivan should hang out. Away from people.
I thought I was one of the last people to have a Kid-style fade (about ’92/’93 or so). I was too young to indulge in the S-Curl/Care Free Curl bit. That there are people still doing one or the other — and both concurrently! — worries me.
Now I have a hankering to watch Hollywood Shuffle again.
and with a bald spot. Don’t forget the bald spot… *sigh*
actually, having a non intrusive S-curl or fade in today’s world isn’t too bad. But to the extreme… wow…
Hmmm… I haven’t seen Hollywood Shuffle in ages… that’s something i should definitely get on DVD… if its even available.
It’s definitely available. Whether video stores have it for rent is another story.
yep… I’ll be buying it next time I make an amazon order.
and with a bald spot. Don’t forget the bald spot… *sigh*
actually, having a non intrusive S-curl or fade in today’s world isn’t too bad. But to the extreme… wow…
Hmmm… I haven’t seen Hollywood Shuffle in ages… that’s something i should definitely get on DVD… if its even available.
I still had my high-top fade back in ’92, dog. My shit was angular!
I thought I was one of the last people to have a Kid-style fade (about ’92/’93 or so). I was too young to indulge in the S-Curl/Care Free Curl bit. That there are people still doing one or the other — and both concurrently! — worries me.
Now I have a hankering to watch Hollywood Shuffle again.