ChrisMaverick dotcom

on why nerds don’t get laid…

It astounds me that there are actually people who think that this is a good idea:

will tech support for sex…

listen up geekboys… if you are so upset that you aren’t getting any that you are tempted to post an ad like this, let me give you a hint. The fact that you think this is a good idea is pretty much directly correlated with the fact that no one wants to fuck you.

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69 comments for “on why nerds don’t get laid…

  1. October 25, 2004 at 11:40 am

    And this is part of the reason I really enjoy reading you. You make so much… sense.

    1. mav
      October 25, 2004 at 11:48 am

      yeah, well what can I say.

      it’s a gift.

  2. October 25, 2004 at 11:48 am

    Well this is just TOO funny! He’s actually convinced himself that he is abstaining because he’s so “busy”. Then he tries to capitalize on the vicarious celeb thing. And if he’s so damned financially “comfortable” why’s he trying to barter for sex? Is he so lame that he can’t even interest a hooker? And don’t anybody tell me that maybe he isn’t interested in a hooker… that’s exactly what he’s interested in, he just apparently can’t afford one.

    1. mav
      October 25, 2004 at 11:55 am

      no no no… you see he’s got principles. His post has the added advantage that it automatically filters any potential partners down to mac users. Everyone knows that hookers tend to use PCs, and are therefore unworthy of recieving his seed.

      1. October 25, 2004 at 11:59 am

        Everyone knows that hookers tend to use PCs, and are therefore unworthy of recieving his seed.

        *snort*

        1. mav
          October 25, 2004 at 12:07 pm

          see, on the other hand, as a female mac user between the age of 20 and 45, connie, you are the exact type of person he is looking for! Aren’t you so lucky!

      2. October 25, 2004 at 12:07 pm

        Yeah well, principles are all he’s got then. He sure as hell doesn’t have any…ah well nevermind.

        1. mav
          October 25, 2004 at 12:10 pm

          well, that was kind of my point… of course, for all we know, there’s a line of women blocks long outside his apartment holding broken powerbooks in one hand and a box of condoms in the other right this very moment.

          In other news, a winged monkey just popped out of my rear end is currently soaring around the office. Damndest thing…

      3. October 29, 2004 at 12:48 pm

        That’s what makes the least sense of all of this. Why the hell would a Mac user need tech support?

        1. mav
          October 29, 2004 at 1:41 pm

          why would a stud like him need sex? sometimes these things are just unexplainable.

  3. October 25, 2004 at 11:56 am

    Gipsy Kings rock my world 🙂

    1. mav
      October 25, 2004 at 11:59 am

      that’s the only song I have from them. Any other recommendations?

      1. October 25, 2004 at 12:33 pm

        I am pretty fond of the album ‘Somos Gitanos’.

        1. October 25, 2004 at 1:20 pm

          Somos Gitanos is the one I have, too. Very yummy.

      2. October 25, 2004 at 10:45 pm

        They have a great Spanish version of Sinatra’s “My Way”. I’m also really fond of the Gipsy Passions CD, which is a compilation of some Gipsy Kings and some various other pieces. And really, anything by them has fantabulous guitar; I generally burn CDs, so I don’t have lists of names.

  4. October 25, 2004 at 2:13 pm

    Note that he says he would “prefer a female” but doesn’t absolutely require it. You’re not out of the running, dearest!

    1. mav
      October 25, 2004 at 2:19 pm

      good point… but I probably killed my shot by calling him a nerd and a geekboy and implying that he was a fucking loser.

      But you go ahead and take your shot. Besides, you’re in New York anyway, so he’s a lot more convenient for you.

      1. October 25, 2004 at 2:27 pm

        Sigh. There’s nary a Mac in sight.

        If it makes you feel better, I don’t think he heard you.

        1. mav
          October 25, 2004 at 2:39 pm

          If it makes you feel better, I don’t think he heard you.

          Damn… I’ll have to yell it louder then…

          1. October 25, 2004 at 2:49 pm

            Be nice to my boyfriend!

          2. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 3:38 pm

            he’s not your boyfriend. Its just sex. Don’t go getting all attached.

          3. October 25, 2004 at 5:28 pm

            Stop wrecking my fantasy! I’ll win him over, I just know I can!

          4. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 6:34 pm

            ok, since I can tell you’re so in love, I’m going to help… tonight go over there wearing the sexiest slinkiest nightgown you have and take some massage oils, some edible lubricant and a 500GB firewire drive. When you make love tonight, make sure to at some point scream at the top of your lungs that he’s better than a decked out dual processor G5. That might get him to start to come around. But no promises.

          5. October 25, 2004 at 6:38 pm

            You’re a lifesaver!

            Now tell me how to find a real man who isn’t a doofus.

          6. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 6:42 pm

            well, there’s only so much of me to go around… the rest of them are all idiots. You’re probably better off turing lesbian.

          7. October 25, 2004 at 7:11 pm

            Too bad I like women even less than I like men.

            What happened to all the Mav-bots?

          8. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 7:20 pm

            I dismantled them all. I’m against outsourcing.

            Besides, if I still had the Mav-bots I’d have them out going to work for me, cleaning the house and generally making the world a better place. I’d save all the womens for me.

          9. October 25, 2004 at 8:43 pm

            Yo! Right here!

          10. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 8:57 pm

            dude…. you are totally a doofus…

            perhaps a lovable doofus, but a doofus nonetheless.

          11. October 25, 2004 at 9:23 pm

            *throws table through the window*
            *jumps out*
            *goes on rampage*

          12. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 9:28 pm

            see… doofus…

          13. October 25, 2004 at 9:34 pm

            *pulls Genesis device from pocket*

            “From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee….”

          14. mav
            October 25, 2004 at 9:42 pm

            <KIRK>al KHAFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!!!!!</KIRK>

            I already have a girlfriend, so I can make a doofy joke without repercussion

          15. October 26, 2004 at 6:40 pm

            It’s like War of the Doofi in here.

          16. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 8:33 pm

            says the girl who wanted to trade tech support for sex…

          17. October 27, 2004 at 4:08 am

            I never said anything about needing tech support.

          18. mav
            October 27, 2004 at 6:26 am

            oh… so you like stupid guys? well damn, you could have told me that years ago…

          19. October 27, 2004 at 1:39 pm

            It’s not the smart. It’s the geek I don’t need any more of in my life.

          20. mav
            October 27, 2004 at 2:11 pm

            ummm… in all seriousness, you do realize there are smart and sexy non-geeky guys, right?

          21. October 27, 2004 at 4:08 pm

            I realize it. I just can’t find them.
            I’m betting Tech Support Dude isn’t them.

          22. mav
            October 27, 2004 at 6:36 pm

            yeah, I’m thinking probably no. I can’t belive I am suggesting this, but have you tried the online matching and social networking sites? Some people seem to have luck with those.

          23. October 27, 2004 at 7:25 pm

            I been doin’ that so long, I done used up all the supply. I never had a problem meeting quality people until I moved here. NYC is a very difficult place to connect and stay connected with people. A second date is rare and a third means it’s serious.

            Just another reason to mosey on back to the ‘burgh sooner rather than later.

          24. mav
            October 27, 2004 at 8:52 pm

            you don’t often hear people in New York missing “the scene” in Pgh. Hmm… but I guess I’ve gotten lucky in Pgh a lot more often than i have in NYC. I just never thought of it as a scientific study before.

            But anyway, hey whenever you’re ready to come back, we’ll be here.

          25. October 30, 2004 at 2:30 pm

            I would say that consistency and quality of gettin’ lucky were much higher in Pittsburgh. In other words, I was able to get lucky multiple times with the same person. Some might even call this a relationship. That has been nigh impossible here.

            I needs info on Pgh middle-school ‘hood teacher salaries.

          26. mav
            October 31, 2004 at 4:12 am

            Ah.. so maybe just come back to Pgh more often for booty calls. 😛

            I dunno about for Pgh specifically but according to the AFT. For PA the average teacher salary is $51,425 ($32,897 starting) and the average NY is $53,017 ($35,359 starting). If all things are just about money, I would imagine the difference is more than madfe up for by the change in cost of living. I’d imagine you’d save the $2000 a year in rent alone pretty easily.

          27. October 31, 2004 at 6:30 am

            Without a doubt, cost of living is a major factor. Heck, I could afford to BUY a house in Pittsburgh. I’d like to find a specific salary chart though. Although I guess it doesn’t matter when money buys so much more in Pgh.

          28. mav
            November 1, 2004 at 5:43 am

            yeah, I didn’t see one when I was looking for me either, so i dunno.

  5. October 25, 2004 at 10:47 pm

    This sounds a lot like something this webcomic has been making fun of for awhile:

    http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06092004.shtml

    1. mav
      October 26, 2004 at 6:44 am

      so does that mean that you are registering the domain name and looking for start-up capital as we speak?

      1. October 26, 2004 at 7:10 am

        I don’t know how to do those things. That’s why I have friends like you! *wink*

        1. mav
          October 26, 2004 at 7:29 am

          woohoo! http://www.e-nakedcybermarlitechsupportandplayhouse.com.

          I’ll need you to brush up on your .NET certification and your pole dancing.

          1. October 26, 2004 at 7:34 am

            Ok, I did have to click on the link to make sure it didn’t actually exist 🙂 *breathes sigh of relief, and rethinks Political campaign*

          2. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 7:41 am

            yet…. it doesn’t exist yet…

            *innocent grin*

          3. October 26, 2004 at 8:22 am

            You do realize of course, that it would pay a lot more than hostessing and you can pick your hours on short notice?

            I’m just being practical is all…

          4. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 8:37 am

            yep… see, that’s all I’m saying… really, we’re just looking out for her best interest.

          5. October 26, 2004 at 8:50 am

            *inserts memory of a few months ago, you informing me you were only friends with me because you were… what was the phrase… a ‘lecherous old man’, I believe?*

            My best interest? Bah. If you were looking out for my best interest you would have already come up with a gimmick for me.

          6. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 8:58 am

            oh… ummm… that was before you won me over with your sparkling personality. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

            GImmick? Well, I’m of course rather partial to naughty schoolgirl, but since we aren’t targetting me, and we are targetting computer geeks who’ve never touched a girl before, I’m thinking pretty much any anime character will do.

          7. October 26, 2004 at 9:00 am

            Actually, I’ve never seen real anime, just the lesbian porn Sailor Moon episodes, which I suspect are parodies of original anime.

          8. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 9:04 am

            I’m thinking the geeks will likely not complain if you pattern yourself in that effect.

          9. October 26, 2004 at 8:52 am

            You two are just dangerous. No ganging up on the marli!

            Besides, I was taught to Just Say No to pole dancing peer pressure.

          10. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 8:55 am

            that’s just rhetoric of the religious right…. first thing you’re saying no to pole dancing, next your outlawing porn, then abortion, then free speech and this time next year we’re all fascists. It can happen. I’ve seen it before. That’s how Iraq happened. So you see you have to dance on the pole, Marli. For democracy! For patriotism! for FREEDOM!!!!

          11. October 26, 2004 at 9:23 am

            As a vetran choreographer of MarliPorn ™, I think we can do without the pole.

            Latex though, now that can sell…

          12. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 11:26 am

            but she’s already done the latex thing. Don’t we want to mix it up? Latex one week, pole dancing the next, then maybe a dominatrix thing or something?

          13. October 26, 2004 at 2:30 pm

            How much do we want to interfere with her brand is the question that comes into play. If she’s got the latext thing going, do we really want to dissapoint the latex crowd by making it into just a phase? Or are we better off diversifying to reach a wider, though less loyal, consumer base?

            Or can we combine them? I have never choreographed a pole dance before.

          14. October 26, 2004 at 2:52 pm

            I can’t decide if you two sound like agents or pimps.

          15. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 3:35 pm

            is there a difference?

          16. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 3:35 pm

            hmmm… very interesting points. And then we have to wonder if latex plus poles would be consumer overload.

            Clearly we need to set up a focus group.

          17. October 26, 2004 at 2:44 pm

            funny how it always seems to come back to that.

          18. mav
            October 26, 2004 at 3:36 pm

            face it, luv… that was one moment which will shape the rest of your life.

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