Since I was but a wee little Maverick, knee high to a grasshopper, my favorite candy has been Reese’s Peanut butter cups. I don’t eat one every day. I probably do have at least one a week though. On any given day where I am writing code and its getting to be too much for me to cope with, it is the simple joy of chocolate and peanut butter that saves many a life by calming me and keeping me from otherwise going into a manic depressive homicidal rage.
On a day when I can’t find peanut butter cups, I can get by with only a moderate loss of sanity by substituting a simple hershey bar or some other chocolate candy bar.
A week or two ago, the evil vending machine guy removed all the peanut butter cups from our office vending machine and replaced them Reese’s Pieces. A candy which as far as I can tell not one person in my office has ever bought out of the machine. Clearly he did this but for one reason. To toy with my emotions. He wanted to watch me squirm. But it was ok. I am a mature adult. I am fully capable of going to the larger vending machine downstairs to get my fix. If nothing else I pass by the new cute receptionists at the company downstairs who smile at me on my way and add the tiniest bit of sunshine to my otherwise dreary and lackluster existence.
Only today, that has all change. For the vending machine guy is on to me, and has replaced the peanut butter cups downstairs with reese’s pieces as well. And he has removed the chocolate bars. Who the hell ever heard of a building with two candy vending machines neither of which stocks a simple chocolate bar.
And that is why everyone must die. Please understand, its nothing personal against any of the lovely people I work with. It is not a clever ploy to win the affections of Jodie Foster. It is not my attempt to strike out a Jihad against the American infidels. Make no mistake, today, everyone in this building is going to die simply because the guy who stocks the vending machine is an asshole.
And I am justified…
Hmmmm, as much as I really hate to agree with you on this one, you may have a defensible case. Have you tried contacting the company supplying the machines (their # should be on it) and demanding that the man be immediately terminated? Surely the company would understand the economics of supply and demand. Demand those medicinal cups!
I wonder if I can collect disability based on it. Or does it more qualify as suing for a hostile work environment? I mean, clearly I can’t work under these conditions.
My professional (Human Resource) opinion: You must go for the “hostile work environment”. Rules on what counts as a disability are very stringent. However, hostility is somewhat dependent upon what you consider hostile. There are no cut and dry rules… yet. Better hurry and file your suit; GW & friends will probably screw this avenue soon. He IS the blame for all that is wrong with the Western World… isn’t he? You know, you’d better check Google News to make sure he hasn’t signed something today that outlaws Reese’s Cups… he might very well be the source of all of this!
Eeep!
I can’t handle invasions of hostile regimes, abolishment of homosexual marriage and the reversal of Rowe v. Wade, but that’s the kinda thing that actually might make me move to Canada.
Your transparent attempt to have your Loyal Masses send you peanut butter cups is…transparent.
in all honesty, that really never occured to me. Is that an offer? has often said that I am entertaining enough that I should become a professional blogger. I point out that I am unsure how to make a living at it. But if people would be willing to send me chocolate in appreciation of the service i provide, that’d be a good start.
But do you listen?
No.
No, you don’t.
I don’t recall getting any chocolate care packages from you lately…
You get inspiration and support from me.
Go buy your own damn candy.
just saying… makes it kinda hard to be professional…
A solution!
Well… if you’ll help us move a very large aquarium this weekend, I’ll be happy to supply with you with a large enough supply of Peanut Butter Cups to tide you over until this crisis passes. Meredyth has mentioned that she can hook you up with homemade chocolate covered strawberries, if you’d prefer. 🙂
Re: A solution!
yeah, I saw your post. Unfortunately, I’m booked pretty tight this weekend. What time were you planning on doing that?
Re: A solution!
Late afternoon/early evening on Sunday. Seems to be the best time for people so far.
Re: A solution!
Sorry, I’ll be babysitting. Wrestling show today, Wrestling clinic tomorrow. Babysitting on Sunday. Like I said, pretty booked. Sorry and good luck with it.
I sat down to read this after a long frustrating day, with a chocolate bar and a jar of peanut butter for dipping… so ya, I totally understand 🙂
Just buy a whole bunch of peanut butter cups, stash them in your desk and sell them on the inter-office black market at exorbitant prices. That’ll show that vending machine jerk.
yeah, I used to do that. But I haven’t bothered to pick any up since the last time I ran out. The main problem with that is that when they are that accessible, I eat too many peanut butter cups.
I have a Sam’s Club membership and can probably get those shits for like a dime each or something. I’ll hook you up with a case.
yeah… see above comment to
I understand. I’m the same way. Well, I was, anyway, but I totally know where you’re coming from.
Emigrating soon
This is but another example of the total lack of civilized behavior in the US. You know, when I bought chocolate in Ireland, and we’re talking Cadbury here, because even though it’s a western brand, they have much better varieties over there, it says right on the package that chocolate is good for you and produces the same feelings as listening to music and being in love. That’s what I call valuable information. Not this calorie and fat content crap that stresses me out and reduces the euphoria.
But really, just torture the vending machine guy to find out who told him to change the merchandise. This stinks of a conspiracy involving dozens, perhaps even your lovely senator Rick Santorum, who doesn’t want anyone to be happy.
Re: Emigrating soon
yes, I’m sure that the candy machine conspiracy goes deep deep deep into the layers of our shadow government.
The truth is out there.
*ahem*
I bought Reese’s Pieces at work.
Sorry. I like them.
Re: *ahem*
communist!
Hmmm….
Hey that must be the same guy who stocks all the rest area vending machines going up to NYC…because none of them have a peanut butter cup or a simple plain old chocolate bar in them either!!!!!!!! Al;lthough there are about 37 bars I past on my way up there hmmm…..?