So a question for the ladies, and for the guys too, I suppose:
so at lunch with a female coworker I had a discussion about how much engagement rings should cost. I wondered if it was still important to have an engagement ring cost 2 months salary. Without getting too personal, I’m just going to say that beststephi‘s is cheaper than that. On the other hand, apparently its pretty common practice for a woman to know what her engagement rings costs and to tell all her friends (the coworker knew the value of the rings of several other women in the office).
Now see me, I’m of a different mindset. I can’t imagine having two months salary on my finger or that of my wife. I had this same conversation with people on zephyr a while back and they all said “oh, its no big deal, its insured.” But see I personally don’t really like to walk around with more than $100 cash on me at any given time (and usually I try to keep it down at $40 or below). I grew up somewhere that people get shot dead for their shoes. If someone is walking around with 10Gs or whatever on their finger, well, I’m a civilized person, but I might just bust a cap in your ass. That’s all I’m saying. Again, its not even the insurance. Its the danger. I don’t want Steph to get shot for a ring. Even if the mugging didn’t involve violent harm, it just seems like it would be unnecessary and without any real gain.
Now there’s a difference of course. If you’re a world famous rapper, you and can afford an entoruage, then sure. But see that means you have someone to shoot at people before they shoot you. So maybe that’s the answer, maybe if you’re wearing that much bling you need to be strapped.
So that’s the question: Should engagement rings be expensive or is that a remnant of a time when 1 month’s salary was $20. Do you care that the ring is that expensive? Do you worry about the responsibility and danger of wearing something that expensive? Would you wear it all the time, or just out? Or would you rather have a new car instead?
*looks at car*
*looks at left hand*
I think you know my answer to that.
And the downpayment on the car was much less than two months’ salary.
hmmm… well, I can’t see your car or your hand, so I actually don’t know. I can guess. I can actually guess for most people reading this. But I don’t really know for sure. Hence my asking.
well, I have a car, thus my ability to look at it. It was an engagement present from Nat. No ring. I thought you knew that – I’m sure I’ve mentioned it on zephyr like 23943 times or something.
:p
ah… see, for some reason I thought you had a relatively cheap ring you wore with your wedding band or something. I thought I remembered you saying that. But really, its not worth me devoting real memory space to. I mean, if I wanted to remember what kind of engagement rings all the women i know wore, I’d have to do stuff like forget “Up-Down-Up-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-Select-Start” and you know… priorities…
Counter-point: two months’ salary has always been valuable, whether it be $20 or $20,000. It’s still a lot of value.
That said, I’m pretty convinced that the “two months’ pay” thing is purely a fabrication of DeBeers to sell diamonds. Right alongside hyping diamonds as an investment vehicle, and arranging for “appraisals” that indicate twice the paid price (which taken together interstingly kills most any kind of aftermarket for diamond).
But aside from the diamond question, I dislike jewelry that is that significantly more expensive than what one normally interacts with. It’s difficult to wear it comfortably because you’re frequently very aware of how much money is tied up in the object, and the comparative risk of danger.
While I may end up getting ring of some kind as an engagement gift, I find I prefer more useable engagement gifts, like Red’s PT Cruiser. But I’m very unlikely to get a $20k ring for any occasion.
Whoa. You make $20k in two months?!
Dude.
he makes crazy silicon valley engineer cost of living money. Don’t be too jealous, he’s falling off into the middle of the ocean any day now.
yes, I’ll grant that two months salary has always been valuable, but its not just scale. Say I’m making $12,000 a year. 2 month’s salary is a big investment, yeah, and a big statement of love. Now say I make $12million a year. 2 month’s salary is barely even an issue for me. Furthermore, I consider it completely unreasonable for anyone to be walking around every day with $2mill worth of ice on their person.
Sure $12million is a lot, but having lived on both, let me assure you that there’s a huge difference between a family that makes $12,000 and a family that makes even $36,000. And I still think a $2000 ring is more than ANYONE should be walking around with every day. The fact that there are people in my office with $10K sitting on their fingers astounds me.
Yeah, either ends of the spectrum have skewed perspectives on the value of two months. I’m afraid I tend to disregard those fairly quickly.
well, that’s my point though. I don’t think its just the skewed ends. I think that having a reasonable job of like $36K a year, which would net you a $6000 ring is way too much. Having a $72K job would net your a $12K ring. My car isn’t even worth $12K. So no way in hell.
Do you want a nice ring or do you want to send your kids to college?
Mine’s much less, and that doesn’t bother me one bit. Mostly I like mine because it’s different, not a typical ring, not a big rock, and much more “me”. The fact that it’s also not something I need to worry about daily is a bonus. I did freak out over almost losing it in an airport once, but that was totally sentimental value, not monetary. I guess I feel a twinge every once in a while wishing that it was more than a few hundred because of that whole society pressure thing, but it’s not something I feel very badly about or think less of J for. I mean, he bought it for me when he wasn’t even working, so less expensive was very smart.
However, my friend’s law school buddies (read: prissy, spoiled, rich) would totally freak if it wasn’t a diamond and it wasn’t HUGE. There are still people who feel that way. Just glad it’s not MY people. 🙂
heh, I bought steph’s when I was unemployed too, I think. Hard to remember. Yeah, I expect most people I know (or who bother to read me here anyway) are gonna fall in the more practical camp. But there are enough people I know who feel the other way, that i decided it was worth asking the question. I’m hoping one of them answers soon. I want to know the thought process.
The two month’s salary thing is as much a fabrication by the diamond industry as Secretary’s Day is a fabrication by Hallmark. Few people these days can afford to spend that on a diamond. Most women wouldn’t want one that big. I also tend to think that if a woman requires a “two month salary” ring to get married, there are other issues. *cough*golddigger*cough*
Listening to Kanye West?
It depends on who you ask. I’m sure in a fair survey, you’d be surprised at how many people want, if not a 2 month salary ring, one that is “expensive enough to be nice.” I mean, with me I think the asking is about a billion times more important. But hey.
That said, its totally unfair that steph didn’t buy me one as well.
I know it’s traditional for the woman to have a diamond leash but not the man but, traditions should change with the times, I think. I know a lot of married men don’t wear their wedding rings. As a single, ethical gal, I check that finger before I even think about fantasizing about being with him.
I think if you want a man-engagement ring, you should have one. It would be a lovely, modern gesture of equality.
I just like saying “man-engagement ring”.
mangagement
mangagement
MANGAGEMENT
It’s fun to say.
Man-ring rolls off the tongue easier.
But it helps to be specific.
I wouldn’t actually wear one. I might wear a necklace or something. I’m not really a ring kinda guy. Of course if the bling was large enough, maybe it would improve my PIMP image, so maybe I should start.
Sadly, that song is mostly about how awesome Kayne thinks he is. The video is strongly anti-diamond (and so am I), but the song isn’t.
You’d think maybe some worldly rapper would point out that diamonds oppress Africans, but they don’t.
since when are rappers worldly? If they felt the need to justify it, I’d bet there’d be something about how at least the fruits of africa end up with africans or some nonsense, but really, why should an African American rapper care any more about the oppression of Africans by the diamond industry anymore than a middle class white housewife? Just becuase you should feel more guilty about people with the same skin color? Nah, the african american rapper tends to care a lot more about the oppression of negroes in THIS country that still exists. That and people shooting at them. Big ups to Suge Knight, and stuff…
The superficial culture of color is constantly espoused in the lyrics of rap music, ad nauseum. If I get the impression they care a lot about the color of a person’s skin, blame their lyrics, not any prejudice on my part.
And based on those attitudes, I would think they might care a lot about a child with dark skin working in inhumane conditions in a diamond mine in Sierra Leone.
But let’s face it, most rappers don’t care about homeless black kids in the Bronx, starving cracker kids in Arkansas or anyone in Sierra Leone. Even Snoop Dogg, who stands out as a generous contributor to his community, is willing to drop $100,000 on a car painted in L.A. Lakers colors.
They are as consumed by the capitalist spirit as any oil baron.
A worldly rapper would say, “Kids – regardless of their color – are dying for my diamond-encrusted goblet. Bling shouldn’t cost lives – no matter where those lives come from.” At least Kayne West has acknowledged the Sierra Leone. At least Hova gave the profits of his retirement concert to charity. At least DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince talked about the fact that parents just don’t understand.
But I tend to like deeper songs more in the long run, so y’know, that’s just me. Music doesn’t have to mean anything, it doesn’t have to do anything, but I think it’s cooler when it does.
ah, but rap music talks about the culture of color as defined by a linked social culture. Not the color itself. Gangsta rap references to the black man are not intended to include denizens of Kenya anymore than they are intended to include Bryant Gumble. Similarly, there’s always been wiggers, some white kid in the hood who is accepted by the black community. That’s what the music is referring to.
Yes, for the most part, they are just as consumed by the capitalist spirit. that was my point. Not to assume that because they are black, they care more about the plights of poor blacks. Anymore than white people care about the plights of poor white people (except when it is thrown in their faces).
As for music with meaning. Yes, I’m not even religious, but i am mostly a fan of Kanye’s because of Jesus Walks, which was just a very powerful song.
I actually meant more that I was waiting for a rapper to come along and give us some real politics. For instance, “Bulls on Parade” and “BYOB” aren’t deep songs, but they are political, and I kind of like that.
“Diamonds from Sierra Leone” is the closest we get, and that song really isn’t about the corruption of the diamond industry.
And I acknowledge what you say about a linked social culture. From my perspective, which is admittedly peppered by my psychology degree, declarations about color are going to lead to instinctual judgements by color, because color is easier to perceive and process than other things.
well, Chuck D was big into the political rhymes, but when you get too much so, it can actually hurt your album sales (if people aren’t of the like opinion, they will not listen to you). And also, its really hard. There were many a person trying to emulate Public Enemy, but often trying to sound political just sounds really contrived. Its much easier to just talk about yourself. Write what you know and all that.
There’s got to be some politics rappers and rap fans will always agree with…
…like, “Keeping the minimum wage low is bullshit, yo.”
That one even rhymes.
there you go, you have a whole new career for yourself? When does the CD drop?
First I’m going to call Slip-N-Side Records, because they will apparently publish anyone who can talk.
I thought it was only one month’s salary. But I know how much I take home in a month, and I wouldn’t want to walk around with something worth that much, or twice that much, anywhere on my body. And I don’t even make that much per month.
I don’t actually care for bigass diamonds, or bigass any stone. I really like‘s ring because it’s so different and suits her and it’s not flashy. I kind of hate all the gals my age at work with their diamonds and their endless wedding/husband talk. I wouldn’t want to associate myself with that way of being, and I take the ring into account. Maybe it’s just the bitter talking. Everyone has big diamonds because it’s tradition. But is the traditional thing the best thing for you? Only you know the answer.
On related note, I said a while ago (to myself) that I don’t want to go to any more weddings because they’re all the same, but I’d make an exception for Mav because he knows how to throw a good party.
See, finally someone who shares my opinion. If you were making High School student money, that’ d be different. A couple hundred in jewelry would make me a little nervouse but its not that big a deal. Walking around with THOUSANDS of dollars on you just seems stupid.
And yet…if a guy buys me an engagement ring that is too big, will I really complain about this problem?
no, but I’d hope you’d at least be sensible enough to pawn it for some crack or something…
I love my ring! It has nine diamonds on it but it doesn’t look huge and gaudy. The diamonds are channel set and flush with the top of the ring. They still sparkle in the sunlight 🙂 It’s unique –I’ve never seen anything like it –and practical because I would totally snag a big diamond on something or whack it really hard when I wasn’t being careful. It would also make me nervous to walk around with this wonkin stone weighing down my hand –not to mention the unwanted attention by someone desperate for cash. I don’t remember how much it cost, but it was under a thousand euros, and then the lady gave us a discount –it just mysteriously became “on sale” when we decided we wanted it. So less, than two months salary. Less than one month even. I too think that the two month (I thought it was *four* for some reason) rule is artificially inflated so the diamond people can charge more.
you say “on sale” like one might say “fell off a truck”
I wanted something smaller, so that meant something less expensive. And I’m happy with what I have. I think a bigger ring would get caught on things, because my smaller one already does (like towels, pockets, etc.).
yeah, I didn’t really get into that, but that’s another issue. Steph wouldn’t have wanted a huge ring. She seems quite content with the one that she has.
Man, fuck a diamond. Find something with a nice stone that she likes. DeBeers can kiss my ass. Hell, do what I’m planning on doing if I ever get married and consult on the stone and setting. She’s really good.
oh, I bought steph a ring almost 2 years ago. I wasn’t looking for advice for my personal needs. Just looking to see what general opinions were, even though I knew the sampling was quite skewed just based on my general readership.
Thanks for the props Jameel!
Here is my overly biased perspective on the subject of engagement rings:
I do have a rather large engagement ring, but I do not believe that the 2 months salary rule is in anyway applicable. That rule of thumb is derived from the Victorian era, when an engagement ring was a symbol of the betrothal contract between the father and the prospective husband and it would signify his ability to support a family.
For the most part the important thing is to get a ring that is meaningful and that is comfortable to for her to wear. Also, something that isn’t so trendy that a decade later she wouldn’t want to wear it. It’s not the monetary value of a ring that makes it special.
However, if one does want to make an investment in a diamond and try get as much value as possible there are several avenues to pursue, but that’s for another night when I’ve had some sleep.
nah, I think its all about the bragging rights. Its a conversation starter. Its all about being able walk into a lunch date with your girl friends, flash some ice and have your friends squeal “Ohmigod, ohmigod, OHMIGOD! Oh MY GOD!!!” and ask you questions about it.
Ok, I guess its also a symbol of unending enduring love yadda yadda yadda, like I said elsewhere, say it with sex.
nah, I think its all about the bragging rights. Its a conversation starter. Its all about being able walk into a lunch date with your girl friends, flash some ice and have your friends squeal “Ohmigod, ohmigod, OHMIGOD! Oh MY GOD!!!” and ask you questions about it.
I think you’ve watched too many episodes of “Sex and the City” my friend. I’ve had my engagement ring for 10 years now (married for 7) and didn’t give a damn about what other women thought back then or now. Whenever I’m asked about how many carats it is or other specifics, I shy away from the question… because it is none of their business.
My ring has a very deep personal meaning to me. I plan to give my ring away to one of my (potential) children someday.
Thing is, if you’re asking someone to marry you, you should know that person well enough to know what kind of jewelry/other sort of symbolic token of the engagement they might like or not like. Standards only exist to make things easier. Some things shouldn’t be made easier.
My opinion on the receiver of the ring knowing the cost is much like any other present. All price tags should be removed and specific numbers never mentioned. However, sometimes ball park figures are obvious. Once can tell the difference between expensive and cheap, and if something seems cheap, well, it doesn’t show a lot for representing how much you value the person you’re giving it to. And cheap/expensive is in the mind of the beholder, and we’re back to knowing the givee pretty well.
I do think your fear of mugging is rather silly, and possibly contrived. No excuse is necessary if it’s something she’ll appreciate.
I think its an upbringing thing. You think its silly because you probably grew up somewhere where people didn’t get mugged as much. I wasn’t kidding. People get shot over $100 shoes. I know people who’d seriously consider taking your hand off for a $10K rock. Hell, if I were a crack fiend I’d do it. Batman’s parents were killed over a wallet and a strand of pearls. So I don’t think its really that irrational. I mean, my fear of riding buses because I don’t want to be kidnapped. That’s irrational. But even that’s justifiable once you realize its happened to me. It just doesn’t happen that often. People get mugged all the time. Big expensive rock == target!
Yes, I forgot I did grow up in the safe and affluent neighborhood of Detroit Michigan. I didn’t even go through things like having Starter jackets banned from my school because of people getting mugged over them. You just shock my sensibilities with the idea of shooting over shoes.
Of course people react to things differently. I’m one that has had it happen to me that I fell off of my bike and hit my head and got a concussion. I still find it silly to wear a helmet for casual bike riding. Maybe I’m the crazy one with some kind of superman complex, or just dense.
It still strikes me as silly to say, “I’m not going to get that, because someone else might try to take it from me.” whether it’s avoiding buying a car with a high theft rate, or jewelry. And for some reason it seems especially so about a gift to someone else. And, for some reason, it strikes me as more of an excuse than a reason.
I’m also probably not starting off thinking of the size of rock you’re really talking about. I’m not a very big “ginormous diamond” fan. However, you don’t have to know that, you’re not buying me any kind of ring. It only strikes me as a strange factor to throw into the decision. “She’d really love that one, but man, can’t have it drawing attention to itself.” (again, this is always assuming the “she’d love it, but…” part. The rest of my post was more important.)
sorry, didn’t know where you grew up. really, I have no idea how sheltered or safe or unsafe or whatever you were, and none of that really matters. I merely object to your thinking it was silly to have that be a consideration. It totally is. Similarly I wouldn’t want my big boobied, bovine growth hormone eating, nubile teenaged daughter to wear a mini skirt that exposed her ass and a “I wants to get FUNKED up” babydoll T-shirt to a P-funk concert, no matter how hot she looks in it. I simply do worry about safety with stuff like that. Its just me. I wasn’t joking. If I have kids, I don’t know how I am ever going to make it through the first day I have to put them on a school bus. That’s just gonna terrify me. I wouldn’t walk around with $2K in my pocket and I’m a black man. A white woman doesn’t need to have that much on her finger.
um, entirely off topic, but what’s more important than protecting your brain? by casual riding, do you mean street riding without attempting to do stunts? ’cause more accidents probably happen there than mountain biking, and y’know, streets are hard and filled with other hard things like cars and telephone poles (like my friend who ended up hospitalized and having part of his brain removed because he rode his new bike home helmetless (“i’ll get that over the weekend”) found out).
–grew up without helmets, had at least 3 concussions from bike accidents, and learned my lesson, even before becoming a mountain biker
I consider casual bike riding to mean not everyday, not on a real regular basis, certainly nothing that would motivate one to call themselves a ‘biker’.
But the example was there for me to admit that I may just have a lower value placed on safety than most. Most people consider bicycle helmets important, and for good reason, I don’t really, so it shows my different values (or as one from the other side might call it, “screwed up priorities”). There are plenty of things out there that many others find perfectly reasonable percautions that I see as obsessing over safety.
What’s more important? Living life.
I may just have an invulnerability complex. This example was to show that it isn’t because I’m not directly aware of the danger. I was offended at the implication that the only way I could think this way was if I was ignorant, in some way, of the risk out there. My point is I’m not ignorant. I’m fully aware. I just still find over attention to safety percautions silly, and admit that my definition of “over” in this case may be different than yours.
Just to be clear, I don’t mean to be advocating a complete and total disregard for safety. Just some concerns make more sense to me than others.
Wear seatbelts: makes sense.
Avoid riding in cars: doesn’t.
Ride bicycles safely (don’t run stoplights, be aware of the cars, have reflectors…): makes sense.
Wear a helmet every time you bicycle: less so. (though I know most people disagree with me on this one.)
Having a long coat for when not actually in the club (or parking closer, or having a friend get the car to pick you up at the door…), if wearing a mini skirt: makes sense.
Never wear a mini skirt: doesn’t.
Paying attention to the neighborhood you’re walking in, taking alternative, safer routes, putting a ring in a pocket to avoid attention to it: makes sense.
Not buying the ring that someone would appreciate for fear of them getting jacked: doesn’t.
Isn’t that was the tiny pocket in women’s jeans is for? I slip my ring in there if I’m in an iffy neighborhood. 🙂
Sadly, the thing I worried the most about my ring was sturdiness while in my EE labs. The jeweler was very amused when I mentioned it and specified a particular “basket” setting (very strong & doesn’t get caught on stuff)
I do think your fear of mugging is rather silly, and possibly contrived.
I don’t know about where you live, but you’d be out of your mind walking around Hazelwood with a $2K rock on your finger. Mav wasn’t exaggerating about people getting jacked for $100 shoes.
No excuse is necessary if it’s something she’ll appreciate.
I think Steph’ll appreciate not getting jacked.
I don’t know what century you think I grew up in, or what kind of bubble you think my crazy parents must’ve kept me in. Yes, shot for shoes, I know, and jackets, I was totally there. Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t seem silly to me to use that to decide not to get something.
Thing is, I think the reason you consider it dangerous, the reason people do shoot each other for such things, and the reason I (and some others here) don’t find them attractive, and why others really do, are all the same reason. Big sparkely things draw attention. The girl that really wants a big rock, wants people to see it and know someone spent that much money on her. That’s symbolic of a lot of things. I think the big rock look is gaudy and unattractive, because it attracts attention to itself over other things. The guys with guns while they may not use it directly to show off that they have it because they can, the very same people will find other things just as ostentatious to buy with the money to show off that they can. The big and showy part is the center thing in all of that.
Now, if you’ve got a girl that likes the big and showy (not Steph from what I gather, and not me), well, she likes the big and showy, and you’d just have to be worried about her getting jacked, or prevent it though other means, because I’m sure the ring isn’t the only thing that will draw attention to her.
If you don’t, you don’t have to worry about it. It’s a wierd factor to consider because it’s irrelevant.
Why is it silly? My safety and the safety of my crew are pretty high on the list of things to consider before doing something.
“Dark out. Need some milk. Could walk to the store down the hill. Nope, might get jacked. Fuck it, I’ll drive to Giant Eagle.”
Everyone has a line between living safely, and living in fear.
Mine is just a lot closer to one side than yours. That doesn’t make yours wrong, and I probably did come across harsh. But it does mean that it seems silly to me.
Also, in this discussion, if you’ve got someone who likes the big, showy, this-cost-lots-of-$$$ rings, you’d probably have more to worry about than just her ring as far as temptation for people to want to mug her. If you don’t, if your fiancee-to-be likes the smaller, subtle jewelry, than it just comes across as an excuse. And the first thing I mentioned, what my post was all about, was Know Your SO. This was just an aside, that the jacking concern seemed odd to me in this situation.
Now, if your talking about people being pressured into getting things they don’t really want because of what society tries to dictate, well, I go back to Know Your SO, and how important that is to them. If it’s more important than the danger, you ought to know that about them, if not, I go back to Irrelevance: sounds more like an excuse.
See, now “living in fear” has some nasty connotations to it. I prefer to think of it as “being aware of one’s surroundings and said surroundings’ potential reactions to particular actions”, i.e. zanshin.
right. those connotations are why I chose that phrase.
See, go back to the milk analogy. You didn’t say, “might get jacked, can’t get milk.” You said, “might get jacked, lets take a different way.” Just as one who did find it important to have a big ring might not say “might get jacked, can’t have that ring” but might say, “might get jacked, maybe I won’t wear it in particular situations, or just not flash it around outside at night, etc. (also, it’d take a pretty damn big ring to call enough attention to itself for someone to decide to mug that person just on the basis of seeing the ring. Rings, even big ones, are rather small things to see at a distance, especially if one is behaving in a way appropriate to the situation.)
If you’d said, “might get jacked, better not get milk.” I’d definitely call you silly.
All right, cool.
I’m in favor of “not walking around your neighborhood at night,” too!
I sort of feel like a ring is a small, unobtrusive thing, though… I’d be concerned about being mugged just based on the fact that I don’t look particularly tough and am likely to have a wallet on me. Nobody’s going to look hard enough to see what kind of ring I’m wearing. (Really, if I had an expensive ring and anticipated walking around a bad area of town, I would hide the ring or not wear it that day.) I feel like I’m in as much danger for wearing my inexpensive silver rings as I would be with an engagement ring; both look shiny at night.
I don’t feel like it increases her chances of being attacked. That’s what I mean to say, in short.
(I’ll post my actual opinion about the whole engagement ring thing after I finish reading the existing messages. So this’ll seem out of order to Mav.)
that’s because you aren’t a foul miscreant or neerdowell. I’d notice a big piece of bling on your hand if I were looking for someone to mugh.
Jesse cast my ring himself. The coolness of that far outweighs anything worth a months salary.
And yah, I’d be terrified to walk around wearing something worth that much. Good grief. But then I’m a real person. I walk down the street, and I take public transportation when it’s convenient. I dig in the dirt with my fingers and I ride a bicycle to work. None of these things fit with 10k rings.
Yeah, that’s definitely cool.
yeah, I think that lifestyle is going to effect people’s opinions here to an extent. But really, Steph works in an office at CMU. She drives to work every day and types on a computer and reads in a library. And I’d still be terrified for her to have her walking around with that kinda value on her person.
Wow. That’s damn cool that he cast the ring himself. Something like that would *mean* a lot more to me than something that was just store-bought, no matter how expensive. 🙂
Yikes. I’d feel horrendously guilty if someone ever spent that much on me, especially for a rock and scrap of metal that does… what? Nothing useful, and would probably just catch on stuff. And I’d be forever paranoid of losing it, insurance or not
I’d rather have some just of just-metal band (I picked my college class ring to be stone-less… I just don’t like stones in rings, and I especially don’t care for diamonds. I like color, and diamonds always looked kinda boring to me). Or nothing at all. I’d be just fine with a complete lack of ring… it’s the person and relationship that matters, not the shinies. 🙂
That’s a lot of “justs” in the second paragraph. I blame a long week (already). And the first “just” should be “sort”, anyway. My brain is gone.
If we were getting married, I’d buy you an engagement .45 with mother-of-pearl inlay. Nothing’s too good for my loving Dungeon Mistress!
Awww… thank you! That may be one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. See, that’s the kind of thoughtfulness that I’d appreciate. 🙂
Just a rock and a scrap of metal? In a pinch you could, um…very patiently and persistently cut your way through the window of a car, which was sinking in a lake, and the window of which you couldn’t bust out because you had both legs and both arms in casts! Then you could barter the ring for cab fare to the Hall of Justice to file a police report on the carjackers who drove the car into the lake in the first place.
Hm. An excellent point, to be sure. But in that case, I think I’d be happy with an engagement window-punch. That’d be just lovely. Or maybe a good sturdy knife that could do the same thing. I like knives. I couldn’t barter it for cab fare, but I could hold the cabbie at knifepoint until he took me to the Hall of Justice. Except that visiting the police probably wouldn’t be such a good idea once I started waving a knife around. Minor drawback, that.
When Jon and I got married, we received an abnormally large number of knives (registered for 2: one chef’s, one paring, we received something like 10 or 12). At the time it was unsettling, but now it all makes sense…. 😉
wow… good thinking, Ben. And very topical in our current trying times what with Hurricane Katrina and all. You’ve totally made me see the light. i’m going to sell steph’s ring and buy her an engagement survival kit.
eh, I don’t even have a class ring. I’m not really a ring kinda guy. Oooh, it be awesome if I could get a set of engagement brass knuckles!
Anyway, it looks like you’re making it pretty clear how you feel about rings. Rock and scrap of metal. Heehee!
I’d definitely rather have a new car than a huge diamond ring. What kind of silly question is that :p
In any case, aside from a big hunk of diamond on my finger being way, way too femme for me, I don’t want one for myself and won’t be buying one for my girlfriend for a number of reasons. I think the DeBeers cartel is kind of shady. I don’t want to fund conflict diamonds. Someone else noted the low resale value of diamonds, and I don’t feel comfortable about the risks involved with carrying something that expensive out in the open on my hand.
It’s not the expense per se that I object to so much as that a big diamond ring really doesn’t have much utility for me. It’s shiny, sure, but it doesn’t do anything useful (and there are other stones I like better anyway). I don’t value it as an expression of love or esteem and it doesn’t say anything special about our relationship– a simple band says the same thing just as well. I’d spend 2 months salary on a really nice vacation for us before I’d spend it on a diamond ring.
I’m sure will probably rant about the DeBeers cartel too.
I wish I had a more diverse readership. I mean, I know its my “fault” given the people I associate with and the way I write here, but I really do want to hear some justification for why having an expensive ring is important, and I assure you there are a whole lot of people who do feel that an expensive ring in necessary. I wish I had a more representative sampling.
I’m not big on engagement rings, really. Of course, I don’t think engagement rings have been a big thing in my family, really. It would be nice to wear a wedding ring, for symbolic reasons, but the engagement ring isn’t a big deal to me
Now, a brand new shiny engagement iBook (or similarly nice laptop) would be another story… 🙂
Oooh. I like your taste. I’d probably take a new shiny Vaio over an iBook, but otherwise I’m completely with you there. 😉
Go for top of the line. Powerbook or nothing. had a Vaio and every time I saw it all I could think was “if I sneeze it will break”.
Besides, Vaio doesn’t run MacOS yet.
I was wondering when someone would be geeky enough to suggest that…. 🙂
Just my opinion…
To most girls (myself included), the 2 month salary thing is a little extreme. Personally, the cost isn’t the issue…the issue is whether the man knows me well enough to know what I would like (as in I hate gold gold, but LOVE white gold). My bestfriend, Beth, looks at rings all the time. I would say that probably a good figure is $300-$500, but I haven’t looked at any rings, so that’s not helpful. If I had an engagement ring, I would wear it all the time, just like you wear a wedding band all the time…but since that won’t happen within the next 10 years, I’m not worried about the whole getting caught on things. lol
Actually, my roommate from freshmen year in college picked out a $7500 engagement ring. In my opinion, that’s WAY over the top, but some girls never have to worry about money the way I do.
I’d rather have a $500 ring and the rest be used to pay off college loans! lol.
Hope this helps ya a bit!
Re: Just my opinion…
ooh! engagement loan paying off would be awesome! Or engagement tuition!
Yeah, see $7500 is getting up towards where I was talking about. Also, if you want to go diamond, $500 buys you a lot less ring than you probably think it does. But I don’t think it should have to be diamond. $500 can buy an extremely nice ring that’s not diamond.
Re: Just my opinion…
According to Beth, $500 can get you a 1/2 carat plain cut diamond. Then again, most girls nowadays are starting to like different cuts, which are more expensive. Plus she once told me that getting the ring during certain times (Valentine’s Day especially) make it easier to find and less expensive. ::shrugs:: I don’t know much about this since I’m not even 21 yet! lol
Re: Just my opinion…
it all depends on what you want. A person into diamonds might want bigger than 1/2 CT.
I think its funny that you’re all “I’m not even 21, how should I know about marriage yet”, and yet I know other people who think that at 31 I waited way too long.
Re: Just my opinion…
That’s true, some girls might want bigger, some might want smaller.
It’s not that I shouldn’t know about marriage, it’s just a waste of time for me to think about it when I realize that most men my age are more interested in getting notches on the proverbial bed post than getting married. lol.
People tell you that you’ve waited too long? People have been telling me for the past month “You’re ONLY 20, you shouldn’t want to be committed to anything or anyone…you have PLENTY of time for that! You should be out having fun!” People are nuts.
Re: Just my opinion…
well, it all depends on who you talk to. I know other people who think that 31 is too young to think about it too.
But yes, at 20, I think you’re in the prime of your life… you should be doing your best to notch your bedpost as well. I mean, do you really want to look back at 60 and say “gee, I wish I had more notches in my bedpost. What did I do with my life.”
Also, while you’re busy notching your bedpost, you should also go out and have like a whole bunch of sex with different people. Cuz that’s fun too. 😉
Re: Just my opinion…
LOL! I highly doubt I would look back at 60 and wish I had more sexual partners. If anything, I would probably wish that I had a different job or that I made more close friends. But that’s probably because I’m female, so getting notches isn’t important to me. However, I like how you think! lol
I can’t speak for myself on this as I don’t wear an engagement ring and am not engaged (, though she is kind of a wife, has not proposed to make anything official, even though we technically could get married in MA).
But…
My older sister is married, with a really nice ring that she is really happy about, but she will not set foot on the streets of Rio with it on her finger. One of the things that she likes about visiting the family is being able to wear her ring in public.
I don’t know the value of the ring or anything, but where she lives people don’t wear jewelery at all. It’s not her neighborhood, it’s Brazil in general.
so you’re saying she does care about having the really nice ring, but just doesn’t wear it out of fear?
I would make a distinction between fear in general and awareness of security situations. Apparently no one in Rio wears jewelery because it is common knowledge that you would not be wearing it for long.
She does care about having a nice ring, but won’t wear it in Rio.
I don’t mean fear is bad, mind you. That was my point with the “don’t want to get jacked for the ring” thing. I think its something to definitely be considered.
We paid more for my engagement ring that we paid for the Comanche. That’s not saying much, the Comanche was only a grand.
For the first month I had it, I was sort of nervous about it. Jeff wouldn’t let me take it on our first vacation to Cancun, for example. I’ve been wearing it a bit over 3 years now, and I never worry about it now, except that it sometimes will slide off my finger if I move my hands to quickly.
I wear it to yoga class, to garden in, to walk the dogs. It’s almost always the most expensive thing I have on, the only exception being my wedding gown, which was roughly the same cost.
As for why I wanted a diamond, I love diamonds. I also have some very nice diamond earrings that I wear every day. I specifically wanted an emerald cut one, which I got because I went with Jeff and picked it out.
It wasn’t two months salary. I think at the time it was closer to one month of Jeff’s salary. And other than the poofy white dress, it may have been the most traditional thing about my wedding.
finally somoene in the caring column. Ok, so here’s the question… and I know this may be hard. But Why do you care? Why did you want a diamond? Would you have been upset at a $500 ring? a $100 ring? no ring at all? What about if he’d bought you a corvette instead of a ring?
If he had gotten me a corvette instead of a ring, I would have driven it right back to the dealer. A $500 ring would have been acceptable, a $100 ring would not have been. No ring at all would have been OK if it were replaced with something else – engagement emerald earrings, diamond necklace, something and something big.
At least in my family, the point of the expensive engagement ring is to mark “yes, I am serious about this woman – this is not that preengagement BS with the $100 rings boys get for their girlfriends, this is for real and I really intend to marry her”.
My mom would not have shelled out the many thousands of dollars in deposits for wedding stuff if I didn’t have an acceptably sized piece of jewelry. I think I probably could have gotten by with not a diamond, but when my mom sees “oh, he got her a sapphire” she translates to “that’s because he’s cheap” and cheap doesn’t fly with mom.
However, I did not pick a diamond exclusively because my mom expected it. I love my diamond. I never thought I would want one, but when it came down to it, and Jeff said “ok, let’s go pick you a ring”, I really wanted it to be an emerald cut diamond. It’s sturdy, it looks lovely, it’s the shape that I wanted, and I love the setting.
Also, as you mentioned in another comment, there’s a permanence to wedding and engagement jewelry that I like. I’m the oldest of 8 grandchildren, and the first girl (my grandmother had 6 sons), so I will inherit her engagement diamond and wedding ring. I also will inherit my mother’s wedding jewelry if anything ever happens to her. My deceased grandmother did not have enough money for a diamond when they got married, but my mom’s older sister inherited her wedding band. Someday, God willing, I’ll have a passel of daughters and granddaughters who will inherit this jewelry from me.
So I guess, in large part, I got a diamond ring because it ties me to my mother and my grandmother, and I hope that passing down this stuff will tie my daughters and granddaughters to me.
That guideline is crap, and I believe that people who buy into the diamond racket are, frankly, foolish. It’s a manufactured tradition of silly consumption. A young couple starting out has WAY better things to spend money on than a stupid diamond, especially when house prices are so high. I understand that some women are under intense social pressure to spend several thousand dollars on a chunk of metal. Overall, though, I have nothing but contempt for the entire thing.
We had our engagement rings made by a jeweller in Maine. They’re beautiful, personal, and cost about $900 for the pair. $450 for a ring is still pretty high, but it looks ordinary until you examine it closely. I never worry about wearing mine around.
at essence, all traditions are manufactured. My point is more that for whatever reason its important to some people and unimportant to others. Making value judgements on the opinions or on the cartels that run the diamond business hurts the argument in my view. It clutters things. I’m specifically interested in the social dynamic and its effect thereof. The impetus behind its manufacturing are less important to me. Unless of course you are arguing that you’d want a shiny diamond but you specifically didn’t get one because you wanted to do something to stick it to the man because cartels are evil and wrong. That would be of interest to me. Saying that it isn’t a real tradition isn’t. It is a real tradition. It is a real guideline, because for better or worse, people use it. A lot of people.
Saying that it isn’t a real tradition isn’t. It is a real tradition. It is a real guideline, because for better or worse, people use it. A lot of people.
Hmm. I don’t think I argued it wasn’t a real tradition — I argued that it was a crap one. A tradition that does not serve any positive need and must be continually reinforced through advertising, is less a tradition and more a memetic parasite. Diamonds are interpreted to mean love, but in fact they merely show material success, and DeBeers’ success at conflating the two is a big part of What’s Broken about marriage in America. Young families need those resources that disappear into the engagement ring, the expensive wedding, and all of the other guff that is “expected”. And families that are constantly worrying about money break up a hell of a lot more quickly than ones that don’t.
Anyway, yeah. You wanted to gather opinions on the 2 month salary guideline for engagement rings, and I said it was crap. If you’re *really* going to splurge, I’d say a 4-5 day to 1 week salary guideline is more appropriate. I guess the guideline that really matters to me, is that you should spend more time designing or picking out the ring and making it meaningful than you should working to pay for it.
see, I think tons of traditions are useless. Or useful as a metaphor, depending on how you look at it. Moving on though
ok… that’s the kinda of answer I was looking for. Between that and your other response I think you’re getting at what I wanted to know. Thanx
hmmm, read your comment to Mike, and I guess there’s a bit missing from my response to your survey.
We went with the rings we did for several reasons. One, we like cheap but sturdy things, and figured it would be good to reflect that in the rings. Two, we both get riled up by the whole DeBeers thing, and consciously rejected it. Three, Alison was uncomfortable with her ring being more expensive than mine — she puts a great deal of value on equality in our wedding symbols. Four, an off-the-rack diamond ring would be too impersonal for me — for things like this, which I’m going to keep for (hopefully) the rest of my life, I value custom work pretty highly.
I agree with the general viewpoint, here. I think two months’ salary is a lot, and it’s possible to find a very nice ring for a lot less than that. I’d love to say that I don’t believe in engagement rings at all, but that isn’t strictly true. Actually, it isn’t true at all; engagement rings are a nice tradition, though the “requirement” that they be diamond and uber expensive can go the way of the dodo. (I do like the idea of each person buying a ring for the other, so that both have something to symbolize their engagement.) It’s much more important that the ring be something s/he will like, something that matches his/her style. (I’d look silly in a big engagement ring like my mom had, and I wouldn’t wear one that was gold. Things like that are more important than how much it costs.) The idea of getting your fiance a car or a computer or something that will break… no, I really hate that. The nice thing about the ring is it will be there, undiminished, many years after you’ve been married.
Oh, and telling her how much it cost: unnecessary, but not inherently wrong. Telling other people how much he spent on it, if he does tell you: tacky.
and yet, I don’t think its generally considered that big a deal.
The idea of getting your fiance a car or a computer or something that will break… no, I really hate that. The nice thing about the ring is it will be there, undiminished, many years after you’ve been married.
I agree with you about this. I personally wanted a diamond solitare, but a different kind of ring, or even an engagement sapphire necklace or engagement pearl earrings or whatever is really just as meaningful, I think. An engagement hottub or engagement pickup truck won’t be as enduring, which I think kind of defeats the purpose.
so to you the foreverness of the symbol is important. That’s interesting. So were you to die, would you pass the ring on to your children as a symbol of you and your husband’s enduring love, or would you be buried with it as a metaphor for taking that love with you into eternity?
See, I’m less into symbols than I am into abstract ideals. I don’t need a ring to remind me of love. I’d rather it be said with sex or something…
Well, it’s a matter of the … power of the symbol, I suppose. In my mind, there’s no symbolism to an “engagement laptop.” It’s just fulfilling the tradition of “spend oodles of money” (which is the part I don’t think should be required), but not really providing a symbol of a relationship that’s supposed to last forever, since it’ll have to be replaced in very few years. I hate the idea of the “engagement [breakable but expensive thing]” so much in part because I think it’s very commercial, very … following the motions, without understanding why you’re doing it.
Jewelry is also more meaningful than the other possible gifts because the entire point of jewelry is that you wear it, and you see it, and it reminds you of the person who gave it to you. (I mean, yes, I have jewelry that I just wear because it’s pretty, or because it reminds me of a place, rather than a person. The bit outside the parentheses is only meant to refer to jewelry given as gifts, especially engagement/wedding jewelry.)
I’d probably pass the engagement ring on to my children. But I’d probably be buried with the wedding ring. I’m not sure why, but that seems to make the most sense to me.
i think most people who read this know i don’t want a ring. if somebody’s got that much money to spend on me, don’t. spend it on *us* – a meaningful trip or vacation or home improvement-ness. life’s too short to spend wearing cash that could have been used by improving it.
I think the counterargument would be that the value of the symbol as a reminder would be an improvement in life. I don’t personally agree, but I can see the point of view.
Also, you should ask DPB. They like talking about LiveJournal, of late.
I don’t know that it would be useful. I expect they’d just be more of the same as people who are here already. Very much on the practical side. That said, I’m always curious about other people’s views. Feel free to send them this way if you want.
Not only is the two month’s salary thing a fabrication of the diamond industry, the whole diamond engagement ring “tradition” is a fabrication of the diamond industry. It’s entirely a construct of DeBeers and is barely 75 years old. It was cooked up by a Madison Avenue advertising firm. (There’s a great Atlantic article about this whole thing, but it seems like they’re charging for content these days…)
Anyway, diamonds would be approximately as expensive as sand if not for the cartel. And if you’re worried about the ring being “worth too much”, well, you shouldn’t be. Apparently the resale market of diamonds isn’t very good (because the cartel wants to control the supply and doesn’t want a lot of loose diamonds floating around).
So if someone gives you flack for not buying an expensive diamond, inform him or her that he or she is an ignorant tool that has been manipulated by the Man. (Disclaimer: Jill’s engagement ring has diamonds in it, but we mostly liked the design. It was not anywhere near two month’s salary.)
Ah… as I told I was sure you’d mention the DeBeers cartel. But going back to what I said to as well: The fact that its a manufactured tradition doesn’t make it any more real. Mother’s Day and Valentine’ss Day are manufactured, but very important to people. Christmas was artificially applied to a previously existing Pagan holiday, and yet the Christians wholeheartedly embrace it.
I wasn’t really getting into why diamonds are expensive. I am quite aware of the artificial price gouging. But if it wasn’t diamonds, it would be something else. What I’m looking for is investigating why its important to people. And very not important to other people. I mean, did you specifically pick Jill’s ring to be anti-debeers-tradition? Or was it not an issue at all?
I’m not worried about Steph’s ring getting her mugged. Its very not flashy, which suits her fine. She doesn’t particularly like calling attention to herself anyway. As for resale value of a diamond, you’re on crack. Do you need to get the whole $10,000 “replacement value” of the ring? Of course not, but you stole it. You only need to be able to fence it for enough to buy more crack than the bullets you spent were worth. I’m sure you can pull a cool grand on the street for a $10K rock.
Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day don’t involve two month’s salary. As for “why it’s so important to people”, it’s so important because an advertising firm told people it was important. End of story.
Just to be clear, it’s not that they invented engagement rings or marriage or something, it’s that they invented the “it has to be a diamond” thing and the “two month’s salary thing”.
As for the “it would just be something else if not diamonds” thing, well, sure. That’s just conspicuous comsumption. Welcome to the human race. For a lot of people the point of spending a lot of money is to be seen spending a lot of money. You asked if people would rather have a car: do you mean a practical car or a luxury car? When you buy a BMW, you’re paying for the brand, not the leather seats. Isn’t this obvious? (It’s particularly egregious with ring prices: now you can show off the value of your man, without tactlessly mentioning his salary. Won’t Mrs. Jones be jealous!)
And as for theft, well, you can steal a car just as easily. If you’re the sort who gets nervous about theft, either don’t buy expensive crap or get some insurance or don’t hang out in dark alleys.
As for the cartel being a factor in our ring purchase, I’m sure it sort of was, in the sense that they influence what’s available at the trendy Barcelona jeweler and how much it costs. But I really think we mostly liked the design.
I should point out that I originally did not want a diamond because of the whole “conflict diamonds” thing, but I *did* want something sparkly. And I’m not going to say that my opinion was completely free of influence by what society says I should have. I visited a jeweler in Columbus a few times, and looked around online a bit at rings before we got my ring, and I’m glad I did.
I found out that there are only a few stones that are really *hard* –durable enough to last a lifetime without cracking. Diamonds are one, the others are maybe emeralds and… sapphires? rubies? one of those. But diamonds are the toughest stone. I knew that I was gonna be hard on a ring. I work with my hands a *lot* and I knew the ring wasn’t going to be coddled. So I started to feel differently about getting a diamond.
To compress the story a lot: when we went to Spain we sort of looked at rings…. I don’t know if Mike’s intention was to get one while we were in Spain, but I decided I would just kinda go with the flow… we went into Bagues and things sort of proceeded from there. Honestly, I really like the way our whole engagement ring acquiring thing happened. It’s a really good story. Which in my value system, adds much worth to the ring.
I still wish I had the wherewithall to keep purchasing boxes of crackerjacks until I found a ring (can you even get those out of crackercacks anymore) and then have it engraved at Tiffany’s. For some reason, to me, copying famous romantic stories is meaningful and romantic. *shrug*
64 comments? Jesus. I’m not gonna read them because I have better things to do with my life, so sorry if I’m repetitive. But here’s my suggestion. Get her the 2 month salary ring to show her how much you love her, and then get her a $5 knockoff to wear in public.
No. No, that doesn’t work, because your average mugger is not gonna know whether it’s the $10K or the $5 rock on her finger. The satisfaction of knowing how disappointed the mugger is gonna be when he gets to the pawnshop isn’t gonna be much comfort at her funeral.
Ya know what? Screw the ring, just give her the cash. Let her get a new car or something. Or a spare kidney. Y’know, something useful.
Yeah, I guess I’m not so romantic.
yeah, that’s kinda the feeling I had. That’s where a lot of people were going in the above comments that you’re apparently “too good” to read, you bum.
As I said elsewhere, though. The survey here is artificially skewed, because my readers tend to already flow towards a certain mindset that isn’t exactly representative of the real public.
I’m not buying any diamonds for anyone. Not only is the arificial inflation of diamonds bullshit, but the diamond trade doesn’t jive with my politics. (Neither does the meat industry, but it’s a lot easier to not buy diamonds than to not eat meat. I didn’t say I was perfect.)
Of course, any girl I date ultimately comes to know my politics and knows how I feel about diamonds. How she reacts to that ultimately determines how seriously I take our relationship.
Once, a female friend told me, “The engagement ring you give to your fiance will probably be two twigs tied together with a feather stuck in them, and she’ll love it.” And I think that’s me.
ok, but how do you feel about buying a ring that is expensive but not a diamond? I mean, do you seriously expect to use two twigs and a feather, or are you more likely to go with something that’s $100? $500? something that came out of a crackerjack box?
On one hand, money is an illusion, so spend whatever you want.
On the other hand, money can do a lot of good, so if you’re spending enough to buy your mate a car, or give them some laser eye surgery, it seems like a waste to spend it on something with no utilitarian value.
In the end, learn what your partner wants and first, before spending anything, understand if you both want the same thing. It shouldn’t matter how much anyone spends on the ring, so long as both partners are happy with it.
And as for the people who are going to ask you how much the ring cost, tell them whatever you want. If they’re shallow enough to judge your relationship by the ring, then they don’t deserve any respect anyway.
damn… I need to get me some of that illusory money….if I had more of it, I would have bought steph a $1trillion ring, because, hey why not. 🙂
Its all done with smoke and mirrors.
Hey! You know what I mean, literal-boy!
The more value you assign to money, the more it controls your life, determines your happiness, stresses you out, etc.
yeah, I knew what you meant… still, if I could go by a BMW Z3 by taking in a twenty and multiplying it with three angled mirrors, I’d be pretty happy.
Interesting thread! 🙂 I really try not to judge other people’s wedding-related choices, but that can be hard.
I knew one couple who had already booked a wedding venue, but wouldn’t consider themselves engaged because the guy was still saving up for a ring. There was another woman who I hadn’t met yet, but the legend of her $10K ring preceded her, so when we finally met all I could think of was, “There’s the crazy lady with the unbelievable expensive ring”.
But people are all different, so it’s really hard to say what everyone else *should* do. I guess I can just answer with what works for me, and try to curb the deliciously tempting urge to judge others choices by my own standards.
Before I was engaged, I used to think that I didn’t want an engagement ring at all. I thought a wedding band was plenty. But then I guess tradition / societal expectations caught up with me, and I couldn’t imagine a proposal or engagement without some symbolic token of commitment. And now I have to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my ring!
For me 2X monthly salary is way too much to spend. I don’t know the exact cost of my engagement ring, but I think it’s about 1/2 monthly salary. I do like knowing that I have something valuable, but I don’t care about the stats. I wear it all the time and never take it off (work, sleep, soccer, shower, camping). I don’t worry about it at all.
We had some issues with diamond politics, so we only looked for old rings in antique shops. I highly recommend that to anyone looking for rings that are a little different and less expensive.
And I wouldn’t rather have something useful. I’m mostly a practical person and don’t have a lot of showy things, so it’s nice to have a beautiful, romantic, lifelong (hopefully) shiny pretty thing that’s special because it was a gift just to me from my love. Call me brainwashed by the industry, but it’s nice.
well, uh… ok, since you asked… fine: you’re brainwashed by the industry. 🙂
seriously, though: so what do you think made your expectations change? I mean, did you have actual pressure from parents “Matt’s such a slacker, make him buy you a real goddamn ring.” or was it just that as you got older you started thinking “it’d be nice to just have one nice traditional thing.” or was it something else?
> “Matt’s such a slacker, make him buy you a real goddamn ring.”
Oh my god do you have my phone tapped??? 😉
I grew up in Safety Mc’Safeville, so the whole being mugged for a ring has never occurred to me. So I’ll start with that as a disclaimer, should I say anything particularly naive in this post.
I always thought the diamonds in the engagement ring were just a nice touch, since for many many people diamonds are not something you’ll see or wear every day, so it makes the engagement ring a little different from the 25 cent ring in the machine at the supermarket. Then again, one would hope the sentiments accompanying the ring, regardless of cost would also separate it from the 25 cent ring…
A friend of mine has a plain gold band, with 3 tiny tiny diamonds in it, which in a dangerous neighborhood probably doesn’t even flash enough to call any attetnion. She’s not materialistic by any means, but she likes the little bit of diamond.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mother had a “traditional” silver band with a diamond popping out at the front. Somewhat flashy, and never came off her hand. Until the day she lost the diamond, some 18 years after her marriage. Then she found a much larger diamond in my grandmother’s vault, willed to no one. She had it set into her ring, and this thing is going to sink her if she ever falls off a boat.
I think it says something about a person.
see, that astounds me. If I were going to have expensive jewelry, I’d want to use it to accessorize stuff. I would never want to wear the same diamond all the time. I mean, what if she’s going jogging. Doesn’t it bother her that the diamond doesn’t match her jogging suit or whatever?
And like you said, she lost one diamond, and yet she wears her new one all the time too? I mean, even ignoring my paranoia about getting rolled for expensive jewelry, I would think the threat of loss would at least bother her. But it doesn’t?
I understand the idea of wearing it all the time, as it symbolizes a committment and yada yada, but I’d think she wouldn’t want something that stands out quite so much, since that can catch on things or (as she found out) be lost.
I also suspect she puts down the loss to some fault of the original jeweler, or something equally ridiculous.
So
So we all know I am very unconventional, a little wild, and I travel a bit. First off find the ring that suits you and her best don’t worry about anyone else. Also in my opion getting insurances papers with an engagenment ring is so unromantic and unsexxxy I’d be happier without a ring thank you very much! Also on a side not I have to say I have a friend and he is buying a 2 or 2 1/2 carat diamond engagement ring its called the Tffany ring you know like the ring in the Life game? for his fiance and she is not thrilled about it because A) She is not that monetary, and B)That is the same type of engagement ring he bought for his last fiance who dumped him. My friend would like a smaller somewhat different white gold ring but can’t talk him out of the other one…..because that is the exact type of ring HE pictures his wife wearing! What do you think of that? Weird or romantic…oh yeah she get insurance papers with it and would not be allowed to wear it to work so wtf? I know she is happier without a ring and cannot tell him that.
Re: So
yeah, i’d say weird and unromantic. Why buy something for someone when they don’t want it.