Oh just trust me, this is going to be a good one. So the always delightful froggiesocks passed an article on to me earlier about thirteen-year-old, twin sister, alternative folk rockers Prussian Blue. Meet Lynx and Lamb. They’re twins, they’re blonde, they’re blossoming into womanhood. They’re all set to bring bubblegum pop to the alternative scene and set the music world on fire. They’re also proud to call themselves avowed racists. I was amazed. Flabbergasted. Run Amok. I didn’t land on Prussian Blue. Prussian Blue landed on me.
Ok, so I don’t like to prejudge. Really, I want to give everyone their fair shake. Especially fledging pop stars. I’m even on record saying that singing is not the most important part of being a pop star. And as I said, these girls definitely have the look. They’re proto-olsen twins. Take a minute to look past those braces and you can see the internet countdown timers til the days of their legality. I mean come on, I was the world’s biggest Тату fan. And I’m like a huge free speech advocate, so I very much support their right to speak their message even if it is anti-me. And hey, if they can denounce my people in a catchy tune, good for them. So I gave them a chance. I went and listened to their sample mp3.
Oh good HOVA in Bed-Stuy do they suck!
I mean, they are bad. So very very very bad. I mean is this the best the hate mongers have to offer? I don’t really know that many hate mongers. Despite my attempts to be a total people person and get along with everyone, the Klan just has never been all that high on hanging out with me. But I just have to believe that somewhere out there, there is a nigga hating blonde nymphet that has, well, you know, at least an ounce of talent. I mean, if their music was catchy wouldn’t that improve their ability to get their message out there? I feel the same way about any music with a message. Just being a christian doesn’t mean that you can be a successful christian rocker. Who knows, if they were any good, maybe they’d be able to turn me to their way of thinking. That’s why I started worshipping Jay-Z in the first place. These girls just aren’t it.
Ok, I guess I should actually comment on their actual hate filled politics. The funny thing is, believe it or not, I don’t really care. I read some of their comments, and basically, its what you’d expect. They love being white. They just want to protect the purity of their race, yadda yadda yadda. I mean, they’re a couple of 13 year old girls who’s White Nationalists parents home school them and have made sure that they’ve always lived in all white communities. They are what they were raised to be. And I suppose that’s sad, not because they’re racist. Again, that happens. It’s sad because I wish they had a chance to learn on their own. To be their own people. If they became racists of their own accord then fine, but it sucks that they’ve never been given a chance.
What’s going to happen though is 5 years from now, they’re going to go off to school somewhere and one of them is going to go a little crazy. They’re twins. So in a fight for individuality, one of them’s gonna go all Mary-Kate and start hanging out with the “bad crowd” and she’s going to go to a bar and get drunk and meet a couple pipe hitting brothers who are gonna call her on her bullshit. An argument is going to ensue, but differences will be set aside by the great equalizer. Chronic. And then that night, in a pot and alcohol induced stupor, the twin is going to let two men she knows only as “Dizzy Cow Killa” and “the Q’za” violate her in ways that she never imagined possible. And then, after a long night of hate-fucking, she’ll wake up, hungover, sore, but with a whole new outlook on life. Because once you go asiatic black, you never go back. Then and only then, as the rift grows between her, and the rest of her family. That’s when things are truly going to get interesting. I hope its Lynx. Because she’s the hot one.
As a side note. You know who I really feel sorry for here. Prussian Blue. They’re a British Blues Rock band. Damn that’s unfortunate.
[[What’s going to happen though is 5 years from now, they’re going to go off to school somewhere and one of them is going to go a little crazy. They’re twins. So in a fight for individuality, one of them’s gonna go all Mary-Kate]]
… and you really want to be able to option the “based on a true story” screenplay to skinemax, don’t you? It will be so controversial. So cutting edge.
are you kidding? Don’t be so trite. Drama like this is going straight to Lifetime movie network. Especially if she ends up impregnated with the Q’za’s seed. And then she goes home to the nazi compound but when she gives birth they want to kill the baby and kick her out. But she won’t leave, “NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER!!!!”
Meredith Baxter Burning will star as the mom. it’ll be great
What I see happening is that 5 years from now they go to UC Berkley on a White Trash Diversity Scholarship and start wearing dreadlocks and then go back to their communities preaching some crazy PC Susan Sontag “Kill All the White People” shit and get some guitars and suck in a whole new way.
Hmmm… I guess they could go that way too. And i do like the White Trash Diversity scholarship. But I really have to go with my story. Just because I really like the idea of the Q’za and Dizzy Cow Killa. Wu-Tang FOREVER!!!
The two stories are not mutually exclusive you know.
Or there can be a whole separate storyline for each sister and then they can meet again in the end.
And then since we’re sending them to Berkeley there can be a whole postmodern spin where they deconstruct their own early music as an example of The Man bringing them down and absolving themselves of all personal responsibility.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a bestseller.
yeah, it practically writes itself, really.
There are details to work out, though. See, I would have let Lamb stay a racist. Then you have the dichotomy between the twin who embraced her parents hatred and the twin that rebelled against it. I like those classical formulas. And talk about deconstuction, anytime you have twins, there’s just self-other theory written all over it.
I love it.
There can be a whole showdown where they read Lacan to each other until one of them breaks.
a bit heavy handed for the general American public, don’t you think? Maybe in the director’s cut for DVD. For the theatrical release, we’ll film an alternate scene where they just have a cat fight that degenerates into them making out.
Again, not mutually exclusive.
And really, the Law of the Father = the Fuhrer = Who’s Yo Daddy?
I smell an Oscar.
And an NEA grant.
we need to put together a good soundtrack too so we can also win a grammy. Good soundtrack being one that doesn’t include them.
There has to be at least a clip for humor value.
There is a problem in introducing actual catchy racist music though if we have a fictionalized good pop duo representing them.
You think we can get Christina Agulara and Britney to play the twins?
I think Britney has moved into her realm of problems beyond this. Really, I think virtual unknowns are better for the roles. Or really, if you want to cast one person as both twins and use special effects to twin her up, I bet Taryn Manning would be perfect for the role. She can sing too.
I like how you think.
Bathe her and bring her to me.
Britney can be their mom.
the only thing is, believe it or not, despite how she looks Taryn is actually older than Britney. She’s almost 27. She just plays younger kids. Actually she co-starred with Britney in Crossroads.
Then the two of them can fight it out.
For the DVD extra features.
Do you think there should be jello involved?
Or mud?
The question is not jello vs. mud, but strawberry vs. lime.
red… definitely. red is always the best flavor.
really? I thought definately lime- it adds that citrus-y goodness.
I use lime when I’m making tequilla jello shots. Any other time, its always cherry.
ew. Not a fan of cherry. Though I do see the symbolism here. And really, I’m not the one who’s going to be eating it, so I don’t really care.
I use enough vodka to where you’d barely notice. Strawberry is good too, though.
Vodka? In jello wrestling? Shouldn’t the vodka be in the body, not out with the jello?
why not? there’s always room for vodka!
There are many ways to get alcohol into the bloodstream. Some of them just sting more than others.
exactly… that’s why women jello wrestle in bikinis… better surface area to absorb the alcohol with.
we’re this close to winning an AVN award too…
We can sweep it all.
And there will be books written about it.
“This is the story of a Black Asian man and a Jewish man who stole the Aryan womyn’s music to make a buck or two.”
Maverick and Langsner, the E! True Hollywood Story.
that’s how we know we’ve made it.
What if to set the scene we watch the two entering Berkely. When Lamb notices Lynx’s tendencies towards lack-of-rascism upon completion of their first semester, she hires Q’za and co. in an attempt to bring her back to the rascist ways.
Of course the plan backfires when Lynx is overcome by sudden love for the black man, and Lamb can have a montage of happier times (burning crosses together with their dad and other touching images) to the tune of some song composed by Lamb with lyrics stolen from Sontag and the like. After her touching moment of angst, she can attempt to win her sister back with the power of rascist song.
wow… you’ve done this before, haven’t you?
It’s the only way to keep the cash coming in with today’s economy.
wow… the jews really do control hollywood. Even the nazi racist movie scene. How ironic.
RACISTS CAN EAT EIGHT MILLION GOD DAMNED DICKS!
They look like fuckin’ Children of the Corn anyway….
ah yes! the drunken comment! love it!
I’m not done yet!
Seee, that one on the left? I want to punch her in the back of her head until she a) stops looking like she’s possessed or some shit and b) calls herself “Toby”. The one on the right will feel her pain like a fucking racist-assed Tomax and Xamot. Then me and Chuck D will enact hip-hop justice on their entire racist family.
And Henry motherfuckin’ Rollins will help, too, because he hates a bigotyass bigot, too. And we’ll play three-man Def Jam: Fight For New York afterwards!
HOOKERS AND BLACKJACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Re: I’m not done yet!
aren’t you paying attention. Sure you can punch the one on the left. But Lynx, on the right, she’s the hot one. We can save her.
Re: I’m not done yet!
They both get punches.
Re: I’m not done yet!
that’s the problem with you negroes… so much rage
Re: I’m not done yet!
Stop oppressing me!
Re: I’m not done yet!
If Opression is a crime, then I bes guilty!
Re: I’m not done yet!
*dies*
Re: I’m not done yet!
I really need to get that skit as a quicktime.
Re: I’m not done yet!
In Living Color is out on DVD.
Re: I’m not done yet!
true… but I don’t really want to buy all the rest of the crappy skits, just a couple of the good ones.
Re: I’m not done yet!
The first season was, for the most part, uproariously funny. “The Wrath of Farrakhan”, “Homey the Clown”… that was some funny shit. I may end up buying Season 1 anyway.
Re: I’m not done yet!
was Oppression during season 1?
Re: I’m not done yet!
Dude.
You are totally in our movie (see above comments).
And I am choreographing the fights.
Re: I’m not done yet!
wow… just think, American History X meets Kill Bill. Talk about Oscar potential!
Re: I’m not done yet!
You are talking about a two teenager underaged girls. I don’t care if they are Nazis or not. I think your bad manners are the worst, guy.
Re: I’m not done yet!
yes they are…. we’re evil, you see… that’s kinda the point. You should hear what we say about the people we actually like!
Re: I’m not done yet!
If they didn’t want punches, they shouldn’t have been bigots.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
And that one was posted sober.
Re: I’m not done yet!
I’m drunk on life, dawg!
Damn. Now I want some Jager….
Re: I’m not done yet!
I’m all tapped out… went through a bottle and a half of it last night.
They’re so… Aryan. Anyway, why are you leaving this educational task to Dizzy Cow Killa and the Q’za? Sometimes you have to do distasteful things (or, well, do distasteful people) for the sake of peace between the the peoples.
So you’re saying, as tough as it may be, it is my duty as a patriot and activist to hate fuck two barely legal twin blonde girls until the deep dicking has caused them to change their racist ways?
Well, I guess, if I gotta….
The things I do for America.
But I’m waiting til they’re 18. That’s where I draw the line. OK, 17 if we do it in the right state. But that’s only because I love America.
As it so happens, my roommates and I were talking about Lynx and Lamb tonight, a few hours before I saw this post.
We were wondering if they were having lesbian incest to see what having sex with oneself was like.
see, I wasn’t even going there. But feel free to point your roommates at my earlier rant on that subject.
That rant actually relates to this afternoon’s discussion, but tonight was based more on the idea that the only way to tell what sex with oneself was like would be to have a clone. Or, as a friend of ours’ pointed out, with your own identical twin. Fraternal’s not built quite the same.
But there’s more there, because really, it only works if you’ve had the same experience, and been… I believe “trained” and “broken in” were both terms thrown out, by the same person. So this would take up quite a bit of thought and work to make it happen. It’s practically a lifetime study.
Are you advocating a research grant?
For two identical twins with no sexual experience.
well, if you got enough money you could clone yourself.
That is totally a DVD special feature.
Though she doesn’t look aryan enough.
hmmm…. casting a jew as an aryan. Kinda pushes the envelope a bit. Won’t get us an Oscar, but they’ll love us at Cannes.
I’m all about the aryan look. A touch of bleach, a dab of a colored contact, and voila!
but can you goose step?
Aryan Drag!
How subversive!
There are dissertations to be written about this.
see my comment above (somewhere) about the irony of the jews controlling the nazi propoganda movie industy.
And with one LJ comment, you remind me of why I am not doing a PhD.
and why I want to more than anything in the world…
sick, dude.
Just sick.
oh yeah… because otherwise I seem so sane…
Honey, the world can’t handle two of me.
on behalf of the world, we take that as a challenge
Show me the money, as they say.
do I have to do everything? I’m a visionary, luv. A Muse! I inspire. It’s your job to implement.
Or use of a time machine.
There’s a book “Time Traveler’s Wife”, actually quite a good book, in which the guy time travels randomly about. Well, about puberty, he sortof, experimented with his future self/past self.
how does one convince one’s past self to try that? I mean, you’re sitting around in your room one day and a creepy old guy shows up and says “I am you from the future! Drop your pants!”
Doesn’t seem like the kinda thing one just accepts.
Oh, he was only from a few months in the future for that. A year at the most. So, still puberty age.
ok… so its just really weird then…. not quite as creepy.
At least when you go tell them to do that to themselves in response to their beliefs, it’s not impossible. How convenient.
you know… when I said something that people didn’t like, I wish they’d tell me to go fuck Carmen Electra. That’d be awesome.
Body count has to do a reunion tour…
These girls could open for them…
Copyright violation follows…
KKK Bitch By Body Count
Aw yeah, what’s up out there? BC’s in the house. Right
about now, I wanna tell you a little love story, you know
what I’m sayin’, this is a Body Count love story check out
the lyrics, you know, I’m a tell you ’bout what happened
when we went down South last year on tour.
Out on tour yo, I been all around the world
went to Georgia, met this fine-assed white girl,
blonde hair, blue eyes, big tits and thighs,
the kinda girl that would knock out most guys.
She got wild in the backstage bathroom,
sucked my dick like a muthafuckin’ vacuum,
said “I love you, but my daddy don’t play,
he’s the fuckin’ grand wizard of the KKK.”
I I I love my KKK bitch, love it when she sucks me though,
I I I love my KKK bitch, love it when she fucks me though,
I I I love my KKK bitch, she loves it when I treat her bad,
I I I love my KKK bitch, mutha fuck her dear old dad.
You know what I’m sayin’. So we was down South fallin’ in
love, you know, D-Roc had this Nazi girl, my man
Mooseman had a skinhead, I fell in love with Tipper Gore’s
two twelve year old nieces. It was wild, you know what I’m
sayin’, it got even worse, you know.
So one night they took us to a meetin’
white sheets, white hoods, no room for seatin’
there was Skinheads, Nazi’s and crazies,
talkin’ ’bout black people pushin’ up daisies.
They hated Blacks, Jews, Puerto Ricans,
Mexicans, Chinese, even the Indians.
We had our hoods on,
we were slick
she pushed her butt up hard against my dick.
Then her daddy jumped on the stage
talkin’ ’bout killin’ in a goddamn rage.
I got mad, my dick got hard
entered in her ass
she said, “Oh my God!”
I I I love my KKK bitch, love it when she fucks me though,
I I I love my KKK bitch, love it when she sucks me though,
I I I love my KKK bitch, she loves it when I treat her bad,
I I I love my KKK bitch, mutha fuck her dear old dad.
So what we really tryin’ to say is Body Count loves
everybody. We love Mexican girls, Black girls, Oriental girls,
it really don’t matter. If you from Mars, and you got a pussy,
we will fuck you. You know, that’s all we’re sayin’, word.
So every year when Body Count comes around
we throw an orgy in every little Southern town.
KKK’s, Skinheads, and Nazi
girls break their necks
to get to the party.
It ain’t like their men can’t nut,
their dick’s too little
and they just can’t fuck.
So we get buck wild with the white freaks
we show them how to really work the white sheets.
I know her daddy’ll really be after me,
when his grandson’s named little Ice-T.
I I I love my KKK bitch, love it when she fucks me though,
I I I love my KKK bitch, love it when she sucks me though,
I I I love my KKK bitch, she loves it when I treat her bad,
I I I love my KKK bitch, mutha fuck her dear old dad.
I miss Body Count, Cop Killer really screwed them over, they couldn’t top it. Plus Ice-T sold out.
Re: Body count has to do a reunion tour…
actually, I really like Ice-T the actor. Ice-T the rapper was good, Ice-T the actor is great.
Re: Body count has to do a reunion tour…
I’ll give you that, I enjoy Law & Order : (spinoff X).
Re: Body count has to do a reunion tour…
yeah, SVU is my favorite of all the law&orders. I don’t care much for criminal intent. I actually was ok with trial by jury and I like the original, though I miss the hottie blonde lesbian lawyer.
Wow. I downloaded “Victory.” I haven’t hit the stop button that fast since I played 12-year-old Brittney Cleary’s “I.M. Me.” (She wrote the lyrics herself, if you can believe it.)
wow…. this song is about 100 times better than Victory.
Having just finally read your post and listened to the sample song, I offer these three comments…
First, musically. I think it’s just darling that some hillbilly’s brainwashed daughters found an old un-tuned, 5-string-having guitar out in the shed and put together a squeeky little song to entertain their parents’ guests after dinner and before the cross-burning during Martin Luther King day celebrations.
Second, on the issue of their white supremist upbringing. Mav, your only mistake is in thinking that these girls are ever going to leave home and continue their higher education. They’ll be married off at 16 or 17 to members of their spic-nigga-chink-jew-hating coven of morons, quite possibly two men they are already blood relations to. From there, they’ll be busy working as “pure white baby” factories while getting an education in the laundry arts and housecleaning 101 while their cousin-husbands work at the Chevy plant all day and then come home to complain about how that guy “Black Elmo” got promoted before them, not because Elmo can do the simple math that they cant, but because “the traitor government has those affirmative action laws that have kept the white man down since Lincoln betrayed us”.
Third, Lamb is the hot one.
1) Dude, did you look at their blog site. That’s no untuned guitar. They recorded that in a very professional looking studio. They’re just… you know… really bad.
2) Well sure, I guess that’s more likely. But the romantic in me wants them to overcome adversity, move off to college, and become enlightened… only to become Dizzy Cow Killa’s babymama.
3) Are you sure? I think Lynx is the one in brown, on the right… clearly the hot one. Or do you really think the one in white with the creepy eyebrows is hotter?
Once again, your prescience of amazes me.
awesome… point them here. I always like to hear people’s opinions of my writing that I don’t know. I’m never going to become a professional blogger if my regular readers don’t do their part to pimp me out and get me more readers.
Holy comment section!
I think I saw something about these girls on one of those gossip news shows. It’s just stupidity on their Moms part and ignorance for them. Very sad.
I pimped your blog a while ago to a few people on LJ. Very good reading material.
Cool… did anyone turn out reading it? I haven’t noticed any new friends lately that I wasn’t aware of. Tell them they’re totally welcome to comment. I’m a comment whore. 🙂 and really, I do like hearing people’s individual opinions on this stuff.
It was a while ago I just sent a link along to one of your posts, I can’t even remember which one…I sould have just posted the link in my LJ…will do next time
well, I appreciate the plug in any effect.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/brandeis/186059.html
heh… pimp me out… I need more people’s comments! I’m a comment addict! Well, also and I really do like hearing what people I don’t actually know think of my rants.
Go fuck Carmen Electra.
You want more comments, go comment on everyone else’s journals and see who of their flist comes to you.
Word of mouth my friend.
that’s pretty much what I do, actually.
hmmm…. now let’s see how the carmen electra thing goes…