So did you ever see that episode of Friends, “The One with Frank Jr.” (I just love the way Friends episodes are named). Where the Friends talk about having their “lists.” The concept being that in a relationship, you are allowed to make a list of five people whom you are allowed to cheat on the other person with, if the opportunity ever arises. If you didn’t see it on Friends, I’m sure the same basic plot has probably happened on about a dozen other sitcoms.
So anyway, a couple years ago, beststephi decided to make her own list. Being the lovable bundle of geekiness she is, she went so far as to rank her top ten in a little Excel spreadsheet. She then started pressuring me to do the same. I told her that I had no such list. I wasn’t capable of it. She pressured me until I agreed to do it, and then I quickly rattled off a list of women she knew. Two of whom were in the room at the time, if I remember correctly. Amazingly, I still have a relationship.
Anyway, so apparently, the list is suppose to be celebrities. I always thought that was stupid, because I know plenty of girls who are imminently more fuckable than plenty of celebrities. But whatever. I’m more or less incapable of making such a list anyway, because I am a complete and total moraless, horny, manslut, and my “top five celebrities I want to bang” could easily change fifteen times in the course of a single day.
But I want to know what other people think. Has anyone, male or female, ever seriously done this? And if you haven’t would you be upset if your husband/wife came home from work one day and said “Honey, you’re not gonna believe this, but I met Halle Berry/Johnny Depp on a lunch break today, and we got drunk, hit it off and had crazy sex in the back of their limo. I know it was wrong, but when would I ever get that chance again?” Seriously, would that bother you, or would you be ok with it? (insert whichever celeb your theoretical SO would want to have sex with). Would you understand or would you dump them. If a celeb you thought was superhot and came onto you, would you go for it and hope/expect your SO to understand? Why or why not?
Finally, even if you would never actually go through with it, or even if you would, what five celebrities would you put on such a list, and why? Ladies, I’ll allow you six, as long as one of them is me.
If I ran into Bono, I’d much rather have an intellectually stimulating conversation with him. That’s still a unique experience that not many regular people could have, and to be envied. Doesn’t anyone converse over a glass of wine anymore?
Besides, is there any evidence that celebrities are better in bed than the rest of us? It seems to me that a celebrity doesn’t have to be good in bed. Even if they are lousy, they are still a celebrity.
hence my just wanting to pick random people I think are hot than the celebs. I think the theory with the celebs is that you get to say “I boinked Halle Berry” or whoever, and that’s innately worth something. Uh… I guess.
And no, no celebrities are better in bed than me. I mean, I thought that was obvous. Ok, maybe Pamela Anderson… she’s not really my type but you just look at her and you have to assume that she “knows stuff”.
Yeah, see, I don’t see there being any inherent value in saying “I nailed Johnny Depp” over “I had a nice quiet cocktail with Johnny Depp.” Either way, you did something with Johnny Depp, and you get to talk about it for the rest of your celebrity-worshipping life.
Now, in my logic system, there is no reason for Pamela Anderson to “knos stuff.” It just doesn’t make sense. She’s got giant boobies. She could just lay there and that would be enough, because she’s got giant boobies! Economy of effort, my dear Mav.
delete that. geez. i hate when my computer switches browsers on me.
and lower my skyrocketing comment count? Never!
Actually, don’t you have “Leave me logged in” checked and saved on the login page?
I do, but Gmail doesn’t always work on Opera, so sometimes I also have IE open. If I click on the linkie in the comment email, it sometimes opens in IE even though Opera is set as my default browser. I believe this is because IE is a piece of fascist garbage.
Yah, not so skyrocketing your comment count. You’re lucky I’m boring and have
no onenothing to do tonight.so leave yourself logged in in IE too, silly!
If only there was a way to kill the virus that causes IE.
there is… its easy really. Just buy a mac. Worked fine for me.
I’m waiting on my retro check.
huh? don’t get that one… check for what?
Oh, I haven’t even bothered writing about it because I am so unenthused. Our contract was ratified and I should be getting some retroactive raises and whatnot. I’m sure after deductions I’ll be left with enough to buy a new mouse.
well, the mac mini is under $500… all I’m sayin’
I meant a fuzzy mouse like Cassie likes to play with. Not the computer pointing device.
Sheesh, they take nearly half my money as it is.
whatever… just saying, if you want to fix your IE problem you can.
Yeah, see, I don’t see there being any inherent value in saying “I nailed Johnny Depp” over “I had a nice quiet cocktail with Johnny Depp.” Either way, you did something with Johnny Depp, and you get to talk about it for the rest of your celebrity-worshipping life.
Now, in my logic system, there is no reason for Pamela Anderson to “knos stuff.” It just doesn’t make sense. She’s got giant boobies. She could just lay there and that would be enough, because she’s got giant boobies! Economy of effort, my dear Mav.
Fair Warning:what follows is really is going to be kinda crude.
well, to be fair, I’ve seen video footage of her having sex… She doesn’t seem to “just lay there.”
Paris Hilton on the other hand, who lacks the giant boobies, does seem to just lay there, at least in the video I’ve seen of her having sex. Honestly she looks like kinda a boring lay. So really, the only reason I can see to fuck her would be for the conversational value of “I nailed Paris Hilton, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” That and to make a bunch of money selling the video tape.
Well, just because Pammy chooses to wriggle around doesn’t mean she has to. She could totally get away with just laying there. On account of the giant boobies. Is all I’m sayin.
maybe… But then she wouldn’t have the good fortune of someday having sex with me, and that would be a terrible loss for her.
And for the record, big boobies aren’t exactly the be all end all of sex for the guy. It might work to get a guy into bed the first time, but if you want him to keep coming back, you probably need to put in a bit of effort.
Now let’s return to the original concept. Most people only get one chance to have sex with any one celebrity, regardless of what those “I did Justin 4 times” shirts would have us believe. So while a regular person would need to provide some sexual effort, single-encounter celebrity sex does not need to meet this requirement.
I’m gonna go get a bagel.
yes, but again, I point out that I’m not exactly attracted to Pammy. So really the only reason I’d be willing to fuck her is for the learning experience. If I didn’t believe she could provide that, I’d not be interested at all. Thusly, you see, the boobs are failing to draw me in.
Stop trolling…
Yeah, but that’s just you. I’m not attracted to her either. But maybe there’s someone out there who’d be happy to sleep with her. And it is that hypothetical partner of whom I be speaking.
I’m thinking cinnamon raisin bagel…with cream cheese…
oh… I’m sure lots of people would be willing to sleep with her just because she has big boobs. I’m sure there are lots of people who want her just because she’s blonde and skinny. I’m sure lots of people want to sleep with you just because you’re a redhead. I just don’t think its fair to say that just because you have big boobs you don’t have to do anything once you’re in bed. A bad lay is a bad lay.
Which just confirms my theory that most people are only going to sleep with the celebrity once. It’s a free country. People are free to be bad lays and coast on their celebrity/blonde/skinny status.
ok, yes, I’ll grant that you’re allowed to be a bad lay. But I don’t think its the sort of thing that you should strive for. Anyway, that’s another reason I hate freedom. When I am ruler, there’s going to be a mandatory class in SexEd when you’re in tenth grade. First quarter, where babies come from, Second quarter STDs, third quarter style and technique, fourth quarter “lab.”
There will be 11th and 12th grade electives for those who want advanced instruction.
I don’t understand all this lack of SexEd. Why, when I was a child, I knew where babies came from! I called it a penis, not a wee-wee! My sixth grade teacher put an anatomically correct line drawing of a naked man on the overhead projector! In eleventh grade a specialist came in and showed us how to put a condom on a translucent yellow dildo with testicles!
AND WE LIKED IT!
yes, but you see, you’ve only covered a quarter of my curriculum. When I’m ruler, there will be a whole chapter on proper clitoral stimulation, an in class lab on how to set up “the reverse cowgirl”, take home exercises on toy use, and “pop” quizzes on… ok, I’m not even gonna go there.
And just think, in the advanced classes, you could learn the venus butterfly.
Well, see, I don’t actually see the value in teaching everyone in the world how to have good sex. Because then the supply of good sexers will increase and correspondingly, the demand for me will decrease. I guess I’m more of a Darwinist in that I believe those who are bad at sex shouldn’t be allowed to mate and reproduce their bad sex genes. Whereas you are more of an altruist and want everyone to learn the Path of the Sexalicious so that there will be peace and love for all.
exactly… especially peace and love for me… three times a day… with twins…
I know someone who bedded Bill Plympton (animator, arguably a celebrity, met after a screening) and complained that he was terrible. It’s a good story, to be able to say “I’m a better lay than that famous f-ck.”
See, I knew there was some anecdotal evidence out there to support my theory. Celebrities in bed – who needs ’em?
well, to be fair, as pointed out, Bill Plympton only nebulously counts as a celebrity.
Getting the booty on fame’s coattails is even worse!
nah…. that’s called being inustrious… I mean, like you wouldn’t do it?
interesting… see, I never explicitly said it, but I guess I had always assumed that the point of the celebrity sex list was to get celebrities who were sex symbols. But I guess that’s not really a rule. Prior to banging him, would said friend have put Plympton on the list or was it just an opportunity that presented itself?
I mean, I can think of many many celebrities that I wouldn’t sleep with just to say I did. Again, I know a lot of people like Paris Hilton, for instance. I really don’t think she’s that hot. But like i said, in her case, I might do it just so that I could later sell the video tape.
who are those women and how come I never met them! Especially met them in the biblical sense!
From left to right:
Joy, D, and Rachael. And I dunno why. D and Rachael have been to parties. Joy always misses them though, because she’s lame and seems to think that keeping her job is more important.
also… you’re such a boy…
I have to admit it: I am a jealous person…so, I wouldn’t be OK with my guy having sex with anyone other than me even a celebrity. And I would expect him to dump me if I had sex with a celebrity….
I can’t really think of any…. I mean I love Paul McCartney…but not so much in that way. I look up to him too much.
For me attraction to someone is more in their personalities, and they have to be well spoken…I really don’t like big egos so it’s hard to choose a celebrity because I imagine most of them have big egos.
Not very spicy just my thought’s
….and I love that picture!
yeah… coming up with a list like that is really tricky. Even if you try to simplify it to “Who are the five most attractive celebrities” I still have problems with it.
Thanx… I like the picture too… I need to do more photoshoots… haven’t done one in a while. I should also walk around and just take more pictures than i do… but I’m lame.
I could come up with 5 celebrities I find attractive, probably, but I don’t know… A picture is a picture — actual people are infinitely more boinkable. Much more interactively sexy. I could come up with a list of 5 people IRL I would have sex with in a minute. I could name 5 celebrities I wouldn’t mind seeing a sexy picture of, but it’s not the same thing.
heehee… i just like how you use the word “boinkable.”
so apparently I’m not alone feeling that it makes much more sense to pick people you know. i figured most people just wouldn’t want to admit that though.
egads, your comments exploded!
1. mila jovovich
2. angelina jolie
3. jonathon rhys-meyers
4. spike from buffy (only if he kept the accent and acted totally like him)
5. that one famous wrestler, i think his name is maverick?
well, since you picked me, you could have picked a sixth one. But hey, I’m worth two really.
As for James Marsters staying in character… ummm… you know he like eats people, right?
you know he like eats people, right?
I think that’s the point….
not in a good way though…
God damn. I ever meet Halle Berry, and she wants to make with the boinky, the boinky shall be made.
so is she the only one though?
I don’t think I could narrow it down to five, dawg. I mean, there’s Halle Berry and Sofía Vergara, who are just fine as wine and twice as nice. Then there are the Lil’ Kims of the world, who look like they could learn a man some shit. Of course, there’s the kryptonite factor to consider.
Tara Reid optional.
optional, but you’re not saying you’d pass her up given the chance, right? I mean, she’s not the kinda girl you kick out of the hottub for eating crackers, right?
I’m sayin’ that if I had to pick two of the three in that picture, she gotta go.
that’s fair. See, I for one think I have enough love to go around… I’m giving like that.
Ideally, my young lady and I would collaborate on a list of women to whom we would bring glorious pleasure.1 And who in turn would return this glorious pleasure to us. And this list would be open ended, so as not to discriminate.
Is our love like the air, that embraces all? No. Because if it were like the air, we would have to deny it to so many. But no, it is like caviar, to be enjoyed by the elite. But as this is America, there is always the chance for upward mobility. 2
1 I checked before posting this to make sure I would still have a relationship.
2 Applications are still open you know
I’m not sure what you mean by open ended
Not limited by abstract concepts such as numbers.
ah… so this is your sly way of trying to snag more than 5 girls on your list?
No gentlemen for her?
I have no desire to share a gentleman.
and you call yourself a drama person…
I have limited net, so I’ll read all the comments to this later.
Ladies, I’ll allow you six, as long as one of them is me.
Is this your way of seeing who wants to sleep with you so you can make your own list? Tricky little devil!
nah… I’m perfectly content to just assume that all of you womens want to sleep with me one way or the other.
Who’s on my list has nothing to do with whether I’m on their list or not. For instance, I’d totally do Carmen Electra. I’m probably not on her list though. But that’s just cuz she doesn’t realize how attracted to me she would be simply because she has no idea who I am. If she knew, she’d totally be all over me.
Eh i guess these count…
1 Molly Holly
2 Traci Brooks
3 Amy Davidson (red head from 8 simple rules)
4 Mandy Moore
5 Tatiyana Ali
nice picks… Especially on the last one. Tatyana has always been one of my favorites, and she never gets enough play.
Me and my friend even decided that she should be used as a verb.
you ARE a God!
now now… elder prophet, sure… demigod maybe… but I’m not quite a god. (yet)
and I notice you didn’t answer any of the questions…
you know, those are good questions and I am sorry I didn’t go there. Actually, I haven’t really had a list for a good many years. An old boyfriend of mine had a list, but the current one does not. If I were to make a list right now, it would be, in no particular order:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Lenny Kravitz
3. Selma Hayek
4. Dave Navarro
5. Chris Maverick
So would I do it? It really depends on the circumstances. Am I mad at my S/O? Am I drunk? Not sure, but most likely if it came right down to it, at this age, no. What if my S/O did it? Again, it depends on the situation. Did we just have a fight? Is he drunk? If he did do it, and there was a prior *list* conversation, I think I would feel a little wierd about it, but I would understand that it really was a once in a lifetime thing.
no order? geeze, you could have humored me and said it was from worst to best.
So, I find it odd that you had only one woman on the list. If you don’t mind me probing deeper and getting personal, I’m curious there. If you were bi, I’d expect a more even split. If you were straight, I’d expect no women at all. Or is she like such the be-all-end-all of sexuality that even being straight you want her. Or is it like a deal where you consider yourself bisexual, but no other women make the top five and but more would appear if its the top ten. Or is Salma actually a man and I just don’t realize it.
You are so funny. Did I forget to mention that my list went from worst to best?
I don’t consider myself Bi and certainly not a full fledged lesbian. I do love men and their apparatus, however, I can admire and appreciate beauty in everything and there are A LOT of beautiful women in the world. I consider Selma to be very sexy. There is beautiful, cute, pretty, but to me, she is sexy and in terms of sexy, I would ‘do’ her. Perhaps I have a ‘sexless’ perspective on sex, or maybe she is indeed a man.
I prefer to believe she is not a man. We will go with just sexy.