So yesterday our nations highest court saw fit to deliver what amounts to kind of a at the very least surprising and at most rather controversial ruling. Docket No. 04-1264, Gonazales v. O Centro Espírita Beneficente União do Vegetal, basically says that the US Government can’t do anything to stop the União do Vegetal from making and ingesting their ceremonial Hoasca tea for religious purposes. Why is this relevant? Because Hoasca tea contains DMT, a hallucinogenic along the lines of LSD. It is illegal. Except, apparently when used for religious reasons.
Score!
Its about time that I got these down anyway.
I hereby lay out the 10 Commandments of HOVAism as… uh… dictated to me by his divine Jigganess himself… in like a dream and stuff. And I ask that the Supreme Court immediately restructure the Constitution to accommodate my religion.
I. I am HOVA, God MC. Thou shalt not place any sucka MCs before me.
II. Thou shalt not hate the playa’. Thou shalt hate only the game!
III. Thou shalt remember the prophet Biggie. Thou shalt continue to miss Big Poppa.
IV. Thou shalt also remember prophets JMJ, ODB and Left Eye and all other who have gone before us.
V. Thou shalt honor the old school while respresenting the new.
VI. Thou shalt clock da’hos. As many as possible. And time permitting, thou shalt clock them ALL NIGHT LONG.
VII. Thou shalt partake in the holy sacrament of the chronic.Thou shalt partake in the sacraments of malt liquor, Courvoisier and menthol cigarettes and anything else that might get thee fucked up.
VIII. Thou shalt recognize.
IX. Thou shalt not eat bagels. Ever. They suck.
X. Thou shalt not cry like a bitch nor let a bitch become one of thine problems.
HOVA gave me the divine right to amend and interpret the commandments as I see fit in my capacity as the first prophet of the church of HOVA.
So who’s interesting in converting? I’m going to need to pass the offering plate for the building fund…
Blah… and people had the nerve to think that supreme court stacking would be all bad. No abortions, sure, but we can do acid now in the name of God. I say its a wash.
I don’t have a link handy, but they also ruled that animal cruelty laws can’t be used to prevent voudoun chicken sacrifices, or something to that effect.
It’s going to be interesting to see where things go with this court.
did they rule that this week? I didn’t read the opinion that closely, but I did skim it, and I didn’t see that. Or is that an older ruling. I seemed to think that chicken sacrifice was already known to be protected under the law.
Mmm, I just finished a bagel with buttah and sin-amon sugah.
I shall work on my religious tenets later. They shall most certainly include “Thou must punch in the face anyone who gets in thine way while thou walkest down the sidewalk.”
SINNER!!! SINNER!!!
I was just gonna say, I’d make a bad HOVist. Though I also make a bad Jew. Mmmm… Bacon… :-p””O <— drooling tongue smiley.
yeah… and how many hos have you clocked lately?
Bagels are not against my religion.
religious people frequently consider people who don’t follow the tenaments of their religion to be sinners, whether they’re members or not.
Yes, and those people are fundamentalist dumbass crackpots. You don’t want to be a fundamentalist dumbass crackpot, do you? One might interpret Commandments II and V to mean that you’re cool with other people’s beliefs.
Commandment V talks of the old school and the new school both of which are part of HOVAism. Commandment II you are correct on. However, I don’t hate you. I’m merely pointing out that you are a sinner. I totally respect your right to be a sinner.
Its like that love thy neighbor thing that you christians and jews do. Accepting of the the sinners despite their sins.
I think you’re mistaking my religious-association-by-birth with my actual beliefs and practices. The only commandment I’ve even bothered to write expressly requires punching sinners in the face. Okay, maybe that’s not “hate,” exactly.
ok… not yours… but THOSE… whatever… but stop muddying the point. You eat Bagels. You’re going to hell. I mean, I love you just the same and all. But you’re not going to make it to the promised land. That’s all I’m saying…
Second Tenet of Katherinism
Commandemnt II. Thou shalt eat of the bagels with cream cheese, lox, tomato slices, and a little salt.
You don’t eat bagels. You’re going to hell.
Re: Second Tenet of Katherinism
bah! that’s not a real church. 😛
Re: Second Tenet of Katherinism
Since when are we discussing reality? Thou shalt rot in purgatory, infidel!
Re: Second Tenet of Katherinism
Of course we’re discussing reality… just like everything I blog about…
The problem is that the government acknowledged that the Brazilian church held sincere religious beliefs that led them to want to use drugs. They will never ever admit such a thing again.
Of course, they were completely stupid to keep appealing the case. The Justice Department was clearly wrong, and every single court that looked at the case said they were wrong. Like most unanimous decisions, this one says nothing about the composition of the court; when the law is clearly written and obvious to anyone who’s not a complete moron (Hi, Mr. “oops I forgot to pay my bar dues” Gonzales!), they make the right decision.
dammit… I hold sincere beliefs… the government needs to respect my rights to clock hos…
Has the government ever interfered with your right to clock hos, assuming the hos were over the age of consent and did, in fact, consent to be clocked?
its a commandment. I need no consent, it is my
godHOVA given right!And no the goverment isn’t specifically stopping my clockin’ right now, but I want it expressly forbidden to interfere with said clockin’. They do appear to have a problem with the sacrement of the chronic though.
And how we don’t get the day off of work and school for May 21st? I mean, if we really cared about the IIIrd commandment, you’d think we would.
I think it is best that the government not legislate about the clockin. I mean, we wouldn’t want the government to start requiring a certain amount of clocking, or punish people for not clockin, would we?
You may take a personal religious day for any day you like. May 21 included, though it falls on a Sunday this year so you’ll have to take the Monday after.
Actually, yes, mandatory clockin’ is what I was pretty much recommending there. Is it “the American way?” Well, not really. But apparently this not mixing church and state thing isn’t going over all that well. And if they’re gonna be mixing church and state, then I prefer that its my church. That’s all I’m saying.
And no, I can’t take any religious personal day. I work in the lame-ass real world with very specific and limited time off qualifications… God I miss academia….
I’m going to have to speak out against mandatory clockin. Cuz sometimes a ho is just tired, ya know, and she don’t want the devout all up in her face, tryin ta clock her. Even a ho needs a break now and then.
If your lame-ass employer really wants a reason, tell them you’re sick. Refrain from adding “…of your HOVA-denying ways.”
hehehe… just out of curiousity, do you know what “clockin’ da hos” means? I sort of theorize that most people who read this don’t.
My lame-ass employer, like most lame-ass real world employers, only gives me so many days off for being sick as well. In my case (as with many) they don’t differentiate between my personal days and my sick days… I just have so many that I can take. (right now, i believe I have 3 stored up)
I was under the impression that “clockin’ da hos” refers to logging hours on one’s sexual time card.
You know, my employer, the City of New York, gives me 7 sick days and 3 personal days. These are clearly delineated, however no one has ever asked me if I am taking a sick or personal day when I do take a day. I can take a religious observance day, but we actually get docked pay for that. So I’d rather be sick/personal.
I’d have to check, but I believe I get 8 or 9 of them total. But that included having to use 1 for xmas eve (well actually the 23rd, since xmas was a weekend) when the office was closed and the day after thanksgiving (office also closed). I chose to work on the 30th of december (office was closed. Went in anyway so as not to waste another day). Then there are 5 holidays that don’t count against my days off (xmas, new years, labor day, memorial day, thanksgiving). And that’s pretty much it. So in effect, out of the 8 days I get per year, since I’m supposed to use 3 of them on specific days, its more like 5.