So a couple weeks ago I decided to do my own world’s sexiest women poll. The turnout was pretty good. Then the womens revolted and tore my clothes off and spanked me until I agreed to do one fo guys as well. Actually, I kinda liked the whole spanking thing, but I’m a nice guy so I figured, what the hell. This one’s for the ladies!
The poll actually did better than I had expected. I had anticipated 20 ballots or so and we ended up with 36 with 317 votes for a total of 1831 points. Not as successful as the sexy women contest, but pretty good. 216 men received votes (coincidentally, the same as the number of women)
And now the results:
Sorry, I know how much jameel was counting on seeing his picture here, but I just don’t have the energy to stay up all night cutting pictures for men 11-25. So only the top 10 are getting photos. Also, I’m stopping ranking at 25 anyway, since any sense of statistical relevance is lost well before then anyway.
25. David Bowie* (musician/actor, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Jazzin’ For Blue Jean) – 16 points, 3 votes
24. Elijah Wood* (actor/hobbit, The Ice Storm, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over) – 16 points, 3 votes
22. Jon Stewart* (actor/comedian/journalist, Half-Baked, The Nanny) – 17 points, 2 votes
22. Adrian Paul* (actor, Love Potion No. 9, Dynasty II: The Colbys) – 17 points, 2 votes
21. jameel* (malcontent) – 17 points, 2 votes
20. Viggo Mortensen (actor, Young Guns II, Miami VIce) – 17 points, 5 votes
19. Antonio Banderas* (actor, Truth or Dare, Original Sin) – 18 points, 3 votes
18. Patrick Stewart (actor, Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Antony and Cleopatra) – 18 points, 4 votes
17. Norm Connors* (wrestling promoter/performer, IWC Ignition) – 19 points, 2 votes
16. Denzel Washington* (actor, Mo Better Blues, Ricochet) – 19 points, 3 votes
15. Clive Owen* (actor, Sin City) – 19 points, 3 votes
14. Joquain Phoenix* (actor, The Fall Guy, Murder She Wrote) – 19 points, 3 votes
13. Vin Diesel (actor, The Pacifier) – 19 points, 4 votes
12. Jonothan Rhys-Meyers (actor, Prozac Nation) – 21 points, 4 votes
11. LL Cool J (musician, actor, Krush Groove) – 22 points, 5 votes
 10. David Krumholz* (actor, 21 Jumpstreet, Justice League of America) – 23 points, 3 votes |
 9. Hugh Jackman* (actor, Swordfish, Van Helsing) – 24 points, 3 votes |
 8. Sean Connery (actor, Zardaz, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) – 26 points, 7 votes |
 7. Ewan McGregor (actor, Emma, Being Human) – 34 points, 5 votes |
 6. Brad Pitt (actor, Growing Pains, thritysomething) – 37 points, 8 votes |
 5. Orlando Bloom (actor, Wilde, Black Hawk Down) – 40 points, 6 votes |
 4. suicideking (wrestling commentator/announcer, IWC Ignition) – 48 points, 5 votes |
 3. Danny Trejo (actor, Heat, Desperado) – 53 points, 6 votes |
 2. chrismaverick (wrestler/writer/renaissance man, IWC Ignition) – 68 points, 8 votes |
1. Johnny Depp
(aging pretty-boy/inferior grieco wannabe, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare) – 83 points, 13 votes
So there you go. And now a little bit of analysis. I didn’t want to do the guy poll originally because I was of the opinion it would be pointless. Two reasons, I didn’t think we’d get enough votes to make it interesting (I had hoped for 50 votes in the women’s poll and did a little better, and although I did better than I was hoping in the guy poll, I still didn’t come near that number). The other reason was consistency. It was my theory that women have a greater range of men that they are attracted to than men have for women. That is not to say that all men like the same women or that no women have similar tastes. Just that amongst women in general there are more types, so it’s harder to pick definitive winners.
This weekend, beststephi and I did a little statistical analysis over the votes. In the girl poll, it appears that a person needs 5 votes and 18 points to rise above the level of statistical noise. That puts 20 of the top 25 on that level. (Everyone but my mom, Monica Bellucci, Charlize Theron, Kari Byron and Kate Winslet). With fewer votes for boys, you needed 4 votes and 14 points to make it above that level. 13 of the top 25. Everyone with a “*” next to their name didn’t make that cut. Half of the top 25. In fact, even though the boy poll only had 2/3 the votes of the girl poll, there were just as many nominees. A man could get into the top 25 by simply having two good votes. 2 good votes and a mediocre one can get you into the top 10. In fact, on the boy poll, if I had lumped all of the votes for “myself” or “my boyfriend” into one category instead of spreading them out amongst the individuals, that person would have won in a landslide.
So while I think its interesting to take a poll of sexy women and compare it to the polls conducted by magazines, I think the poll of sexy men is obviously flawed (and this is why fewer magazines do it in the first place). That said, I think if I ask the questions “what do you find sexy in a man?” and “what do you find sexy in a woman?” The answers to the first question are going to on the whole be far more interesting. So why don’t I ask that? Let me know what you think on those two questions. And for that matter, let me know what you think of the results of this poll. And my little analysis. Do you think its worth running one or both of these polls again next year? I sort of want to do that and see how tastes with the pop culture community change over the course of the year.
ugh chrismaverick is the only one thaty is truly sexy on the list. eh, maybe Sean Connery and Patrick Stewart as well.
But, I still stand by Rick Moranis.
and yet you didn’t vote for me. 🙁
also, I love how you go out of your way to defend Rick Moranis but not Mark. 🙂
I didn’t vote for you because you need some glasses, then you would make top 5.
…and umm…..cause Mark is my little secret.
yeah…
I can wear glasses… really I can. (see icon)
Actually, back in the day (early 90s) there was a point where I sometimes glasses with flat lenses as a fashion statement. Looked very smart.
And you can go and fuck yourself.
ok…sorry you got offended that lil old me doesn’t find you sexy.
Rather fuck myself than you.
That’s ok, I wouldn’t fuck you with Danny Trejo’s dick.
Neither would he.
awesome
play nice children!!!
Danny Trejo would fuck all the womens… he’s just that much man.
(and for the record, I’d totally boink Lacey. She’s hot. 🙂 )
She might be hot, but she is clearly insane becasue she does not find me sexy and SCIENCE HAS PROVEN THAT I AM. MATH HAS AS WELL!!!
Sorry bout that.
The fact that Danny Trejo finished right between Mav and Farnsworh is very interesting…
And who’s the hot grrl posing with?????
Are you trying to deny that Danny Trejo is crazy sexy?
girl with is reportedly I think you knew that, but I figure I might as well say in any case.
David Bowie wasn’t in Dune. Sting was, Kyle McLachlan was, Max von Sydow was, but no Bowie. David Bowie was in Labyrinth.
YES – Labyrinth also featured his sack in almost every scene.
“You remind me of the babe”
Not his ‘sack’, as you so vulgarly put it…
his area.
dude… you are so much more screwed up than I am…
corrected. Thanx.
See, you do these things late at night, and that’s what happens.
That’s right, I am teh s3x!!11!!
but less of teh s3x than me!!!1!
And we are both less of teh s3x than Johnny Depp. All I care about is who i am better than, not who is better than me.
I consider the Depp thing to be sampling error or something. Not really, but I think that women vote for Depp because they aren’t comfortable with their sexuality. I mean, Depp isn’t a sexy boy at all. Its the closest thing they can do to voting for a woman. I think he just gets voted on by people who are afraid to vote for anyone manly so they vote for someone who is essentially a chick (albeit an ugly one) instead. But hey, it happens. The fact that America’s principals are so far out of whack may be annoying but that’s how it is. Not much I can do about it.
Now Trejo on the other hand. I mean, Wow! I was actually pulling for Trejo to beat me too.
I was just pondering….. did i have the highghest per vote average? (that is, I was 5 votes and almost 50 pts).
you had the highest per vote average of anyone who actually got more than one vote. There were several people who had a vote average of 10 because that was the only vote they got.
i think women are less superficial when it comes to what they find attractve in men. for example, i like guys that have curly hair and are smarter and funnier than me. (not that i’m the smartest and funniest person ever, but i think you know what i mean.)after that it’s pretty much fair game. i think most girls tend to think more personality than looks when it comes to sexy men. then again, a friend and i were talking about jude law and we both agreed that he doesn’t even have to talk. we’d still do naughty things to him.
as for what makes a woman sexy, my first reaction is to say boobs, but kiera knightly is hot and she’s not stacked. so, i don’t know. i defiitely think my reeasons for finding women hot is more based on looks than personality.
also a friend once asked what celebrity would you want to go on a date
with? because it’s totally a different answer than what celebrity would you want to have sex with. at least for me it is.
and yes you should definitely do both of these polls next year. because my answers are already different for the guys.
GO!!!
I totally agree. So many people seem to not get that. I always hear people trying to insert a celeb’s personality into how hot they are. To me, hot is carnal. Its a function of how fuckable someone is. That has very little to do with how much time I want to spend with someone while their clothes are on. A list of people I want to date would be totally different, and likely include a lot more real people on it, and less celebrities. Its just that the people I date need to understand that when Carmen, Elisha, Scarlett, Grace and Mena come looking for me to recreate a gender swapped version of a scene from Behind the Green Door, I’ll be answering the call.
on one hand, i agree that dateability and fuckability are two completely different things. my lists (both men and women) would have been extremely different if i had being selecting for who i’d want to date vs who i’d most want to have a one-night stand with. there’s some overlap, of course, but still very different.
however, i actually think that personality does enter into the consideration of who i’d want to fuck. ’cause sex isn’t just about the visuals and the physical body, it’s also about intensity and creativity and playfulness and awareness and fun and lots of other things besides… or at least it can be. the prioritization of important personality traits for fucking vs. dating is quite different, but personality is still important. a guy or girl could be as pretty as can be, but if i think they’re going to be boring in bed i still don’t (much) want to fuck them.
Ok, I’ll agree to that to a point. I was simplifying things. Certainly, aspects of personality play into it. For instance, as much as I think Mia Kirshnir is just sexy to look at her, her blatant comments about her bisexuality, love of threesomes and overall kinkiness that she’s given in interviews certainly play into her overall sex appeal. What I was referring more to was someone who says they consider a person sexy because they seem intelligent or philanthropic or something. I believe my own gf finds Bono sexy as much for his global consciousness as anything to do with the way he looks or moves or whatever. To me, those are two different things, and that’s what I was trying to differentiate between.
*nod* fair enough.
I am so confused?
by what?
Did you make that or?
Sort of.
well, my readers made it. Read the posts before this one. And the posts about the sexiest women contest from the week before that.
How did you find this post, anyway? (Your certainly invited to keep reading and comment and stuff, I’m just curious where you came frome)
I see. From fasterpussycat.
ah… well, welcome… feel free to comment and share your thoughts. I’m always especially interested in what new people have to say.
I’m filing a formal protest. Where the fuck is Shatner?!
had the list gone far enough, he would have tied for 113th with 15 other people.
Fn chicks man. This is further proof that none of them can agree on anything!
(he says as he awaits the many women readers attacking him)
good luck with that…
OK, I’ll bite… Why do you have women with all men except Jerry Stiller?
because he’s the only one who doesn’t need a woman to improve his attractiveness?
so you do?
yep… I mean, not that I’m not sexy by myself. I’m just sexier with a girl.
This is a travesty…Danny Trejo is hotter than you and Depp combined.
I agree, especially when you factor in that Depp has negative hotness and would bring me down if we had to run on the same ticket.
But you know, I never did have much faith in the voting record of this country.
Vin Diesel will kick your ass
You listed him as an “actress.”
Though, maybe you know something we don’t.
Re: Vin Diesel will kick your ass
fixed… a remnant of copying the grid from the other post.
I don’t understand why people keep voting for you. It’s the same thing at your parties . . . do they really think your ego is so fragile that it needs this constant stroking? It’s gotta be either that or some kinda weirdass stockholm syndrome thing.
Eh, don’t mind me, I’m just bitter cuz Danny got robbed.
actually, I haven’t won one of my parties in a while. Didn’t even place at the last one. As for how I get votes. I’m that damn sexy, yo.
Women don’t vote for Trejo. Geeky women on the internet don’t think he’s sexy. They’re wrong of course. But that’s why he was robbed.
Two things:
First, how the heck did you choose which Film and TV titles to put after people’s names. There are some pretty interesting choices.
Second (from http://www.laddertheory.com):
1) What are you talking about Connery was brilliant in Zardaz. And Pitt on Growing Pains? Phenomenal, I tell you.
2) Ok, this Ladder Theory stuff is brilliant. This is totally going to end up entering the Maverick Lexicon, once I get around to writing it RSN™.
It’s Zardoz, not “Zardaz.” I wouldn’t be picky, but the name is sort of a major plot point in the movie. Yes, I watched the movie. Twice. My poor brain, my poor eyes. So much Connery, so little pants…
I guess it’s too late to change my list, but if it weren’t, I’d: (1) add Stephen Colbert (I can’t believe I forgot him–I blame his 2-week-long vacation), and bump Bono up after watching him on Frontline last night and hearing about how he convinced Jesse Helms to change his long-held resistance to giving federal money to AIDS causes and pushed and pushed Bush to do more to help in Africa. SO sexy… In contrast, I find Jimmy Carter to be a good man, but never thought of him as “sexy”. So I guess you could say for me, there’s an interaction between looks and goodliness to produce sex appeal.
yes, its too late. Perhaps they can make your list next year.
What you say is interesting, and it leads into the comments that was making above. Is Bono really sexy because of that? Does it make you want to fuck him more or want to date him more? Do you differentiate between the two lists? Like you said, Jimmy Carter has done tons of good for humanity, but when you look at him, you just don’t see raw unfettered sexuality like you do with Danny Trejo.
Yes, Bono is sexy because of that. Makes me want to do both more.
By “two lists”, you mean men and women? I don’t know if I agree that looks are relatively more important than personality for attractiveness for women than men for me. For example, I think Liv Tyler is very pretty, but I think she’s stupid and sexist and that makes her unattractive. But, on the other hand, I don’t think Angelina Jolie is more attractive because she’s a goodwill ambassador. Maybe it’s because we expect women to be nice and good, so this isn’t as unusual, and therefore it isn’t as attractive as for men.
actually, I meant‘s comment that there are two different ways you could interpret hotness. She could make a list of celebrities she wanted to fuck and a list of celebrities she wanted to date, and they are entirely different. To use your examples, do you think Angelina Jolie or Bono are any better in bed than Liv Tyler simply because of their involvement with the UN? I’m guessing probably not. But they might make for more interesting conversation at a dinner date. I think it also plays very well into the premises of the ladder theory mentioned by above
That said, maybe you have a point. Does personality really come into play more with men than it does with women? That was kind of my premise all along. That’s why I expected (and still theorize) that this poll is more useless than the female poll. I think when arbitrarilly judging women, we (men and women) tend to look more at their physical traits, how fuckable they are, than we do at their personality. I don’t think that’s necessarilly wrong per se. I think that’s just how they are. You acknowledge that you think Liv Tyler is pretty even though you don’t like her. Essentially you’re being all male chauvinistic and saying “She may be dumb as a post, but I’d hit that!” just in a nicer way. But you seem unable to acknowledge that Bono, despite your crush on him, really isn’t that good looking. If Bono was just some guy on the street he’d be an old guy with greasy hair and sunglasses. Other examples are Connery, Trump, Hefner, Mandela etc. Being particularly rich, powerful, or possessing innate goodness makes all the difference with men. You say something like “He might not be the best looking, but he’s so ______. I’d hit that.”
I don’t think that this is uncommon at all.
Is that my cousin the top right corner? ^^;;
who? Jerry Stiller? Sean Connery?
Jerry Stiller!
ummm… I dunno. Is he your cousin?
Yes! I thought you knew =P
nope. How would I?
I told you? Idunno, I guess I just assumed that everyone knew -_-;;
nope…