Day 215 of 365 days.
Found out today that I didn’t get one of the jobs I was up for. I don’t know that I’m super-bummed out about it. It wasn’t the greatest job ever or anything like that, in fact if I were offered everything I have applied for lately, that would not have been the one I picked. However, I really did think I was a shoe in for it.
I mentioned yesterday that I’m kind of at this place now where I’m not willing to compromise myself just to work. I’m starting to wonder if subconsciously I am giving off that vibe. These last 2.5 months of not really working have actually been about the happiest I’ve been in years. I’ve been able to work on my photography, my paper, just sit down some days and catch my breath. I’m actually starting to feel somewhat recharged creatively (the last decade plus of IT work really was pretty much killing me). I’m pretty happy about that, really. I’ve been telling myself that I only have to work in the IT industry til I’m out of debt. If I can get another good contract, I could be out in free in another year. If I gave it more than that, maybe I could even save up enough to go back to school. Part of me has been wondering if I could survive even another year. But honestly, this time off has given me some time to reflect and to know what I’m looking forward to. There’s nothing more I’d like than to be done with it right now. Take photography jobs, work on my novel, go back to school and maybe if I’m lucky, one day be able to be a professor, win the powerball and buy a carribean island, finally nail Carmen Electra. But none of those goals are reachable today. Here’s to hoping that I get there before too long. And here’s to hoping that I don’t get hit by a bus when I’m down to $1 of debt left.
EDIT: After rereading this and reading Mikey’s comments below, I realize that maybe it sounds whinier than I intend it to. Really, I’m not super-depressed here. Quite the contrary. I may, somewhere in my head feel like things are going to go down the tubes sooner or later. And yeah that sucks, but today I went out and took pictures of ducks in the river and I felt great about it. Today was a good day.
Alternate shot for today is here. Not sure I chose the right one, but this was Steph’s favorite.
EDIT 2: I am predicting that this shot will break my 3 day streak of making it into explore. Oh well.
I prefer this one.
@Mikey aka DaSkinnyBlackMan: A little validation. Thanks. I think it fits mood of the blog entry better.
I’m no wordsmith but it does fit you entry. You should have kicked one of the geese to feel better.
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Seen in my recent comments. (?)
@Mikey aka DaSkinnyBlackMan: believe it or not, I feel fine. Really. You have to understand I am prone to a lot of bitterness and depression. When I’m not working I’m bitter about being broke. When I am working, I’m bitter about doing something that is not what I really wanted to do with my life. In all honesty, I can say that even though I haven’t had a real job in 2 and a half months (wrestling doesn’t pay the bills, sadly), this is really the happiest I have been in ages. Years! I feel calm. Even though I’m not making money, I feel productive with my photography and slowly but surely with the paper I have to present in a couple weeks. I really am kind of… well… ok. Now the rough part is going to be when I totally run out of money and have to take some crappy job because I wasn’t able to find a good one. Then I’ll go back to hating myself. But today, I feel ok. It was a good day.
You picked the right one. It’s the blowy shirt that does it.
Call me an optimist but you’ll get through this and hopefully end up in a better place. It sounds like even though one door closed, another is opening to you through your creativity and self reflection. I have been out of work for 4 years and decided to volunteer with an organization doing something I love now and then. In the meantime, I made a lot of contacts in the communtiy and the place I volunteered at hired me as a Director of Communtiy Relations. In my wildest dreams I never thought I would be doing what I am doing today. Write to me if you want. I’m no Carmen Electra, but I’ll be your cheerleader. I like the first shot for the honesty of emotion, and the second for mood and it brings back happy memories for me of feeding ducks when I was a kid. Best of everything, Blaise
@nancykatzen: Thanx. Yeah, I like that about this one too.
@BocaBlaise: yeah, I just editted the post to point out that I’m really not worried. Honestly, I mean, there will be more bad ahead. But I can deal with it. Despite how whiney I sound, it really is just my way. I’m quite happy right now. Thanx for the kind words though, in any case.
Yep, this one works man.
I know kinda how you’re feeling here. I really enjoyed the time I had off between my retirement and when I finally got a job.
I feel pretty certain you’ll make do just fine. It’ll be interesting to see what direction you go though. I wonder if the way you’re being led is really the way you "think" you ought to go.
I think sometimes you get turned down for jobs, the house, a person, because the perfect fit is the next one and you’d stop looking if you got this initial pick. I’m sure something good is right around the corner. Not only will you be a shoe in, but it’ll be good for your soul.
Also don’t listen to Mickey, kicking geese is four years back luck. Just ask a goose. 😉
@Travelinjim: oh, I know I’ll be fine. It’s like this. The things I’d like to do with my life (go back to school, become a full time writer, become a full time photographer, stalk carmen electra) really don’t pay enough (at least, certainly not at entry level) to cover my debt and support me, so I essentially have to keep being a software/website designer until the debt is gone and then I can start my life over. You know, bus schedules and karma permitting.
@Kungfukitten: I don’t know about that. The right one isn’t around the corner (for the reasons I told Jim). But the key is understanding and coming to terms with it all. And really, I’m getting there.
Very nice shot Chris. Love the B/W. I agree with Steph on this one. I like the other pic, but not as well as this one.
@Kungfukitten: It’s only bad luck for the Kickee (goose) not the Kicker (chrismaverick) 🙂
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Seen on your photo stream. (?)
@lrayholly: I generally use B&W for daily life shots, unless I feel like I have a reason not to. I don’t know why. It just suits me more.
Don’t kick geese. Geese and ducks are cool. Swans are bastards.
those are geese, not ducks….but you knew that already b/c it says so in your tags…just after reading your edit i wasn’t sure ;-P
sorry that the job didn’t happen….but like you already know a) good things come to those who wait (and wait and wait!!) and b) it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen….don’t settle…get what you really want 😀
i like this shot too (good choice steph!)
@MegaBee: if you say so.
@pi c’s: actually, there were both ducks and geese down there. I just provided "helpful" notes. As I explained in comments above, I’ll be settling no matter what. Getting what I want isn’t really an option right now.
Doesn’t the water add an additional challenge to your game of Duck, Duck, Goose? 😉
@lrayholly: eh… they come up on the dock. I certainly wasn’t going out there.
I love both these shots (this and the alternate) and love the writing you’ve shared here.
I’m glad you know you’ll be okay no matter what…sometimes that’s the hardest thing to believe! 🙂
@sadandbeautiful (Sarah): thanx, Sarah
it’s as if the ducks arranged themselves for you in this shot. Wonderful!
@Reluctant Suburbanite: yep, it was a fortunate accident. Thank you for the fave.
this came across my desk in an e-mail today and I thought of you.
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. –Howard Thurman
@BocaBlaise: thanx
lmao i think the goose was tryin to talk you in to coming up to canada… but then you saw the exchange rate…
@jessie doncaster: actually, given the amount of money I have, exchange rates don’t matter. $0 is the same in both countries.
@My Cheap Cameras: see, its only been 15 for me… *sigh*