Store Owners of America:In 20 years has even one minimum wage clerk busted a $5 bill counterfeit ring with their stupid yellow highlighters?

Also, how did I lose my shoes in my own house. I mean, I’m home, I didn’t come home barefoot. They must be here somewhere…

Dear CustomerServiceReps:even if theres nothing you can do, if your company fucks up part of your job is letting to me yell at you for 30min

Dammit! Amazon’s understanding of “Next Day Delivery” kinda leaves something to be desired.

I have the sniffles. I blame being a student again? Doesn’t everyone get sick from school? What’s next? Chicken Pox?

I’ve now completed 1 week of grad school without killing myself. To be fair, they did close architects leap (that joke only for CMU people)

I think I’m a superhero with the magic power to always choose the checkout line with the slowest cashier.

Dear idiot I almost hit, if you’re wearing headphones & don’t check for cars when you cross the street, Darwin says I can rub you over.

Grad student day2. Up all night reading St. Augustine. Hopefully I can be awake enough to enjoy my history of tv class starting now. Yawn

2.75 miles on the treadmill before the fire alarms in the building went off and they kicked us out. Yes, I am that damn hot.

First day of school. Should I be bringing an apple for the teacher or something? I forget how this works.

Prof assigns reading Canterbury Tales in middle or modern english. I chose middle. What’s wrong with me?

Fantasy Football Draft time… bring it on

News: “Many sportsfans around the world still shocked about the Lance Armstrong situation” Uh… yes, all 12 of them that follow cycling.