I’ve often heard women claim that “men would kill themselves if they had to go through the culturally obligated beauty rituals that women have to.” This comes up a lot when talking about makeup and shaving but I especially hear it in regards to underwear, especially thongs and the litany of impractical lingerie offered by the likes of Victoria’s Secret, Fredricks of Hollywood, and a gazillion other lingerie stores. My general counter is something to the effect of “if I thought there was a chance that it would get me free drinks at the bar AND get me laid, I’d wear a thong made of barbed wire or whatever other ridiculous torture device you can come up with,” because dammit! I’m practical like that! Sadly, women appear to be smarter than men and don’t fall for that shit. The universe is so unfair.
In any case, Buzzfeed seems to have done a little experiment here. It may not be scientific, but it’s probably the best thing on the internet today.
Special thanks to Anne Beamon Imundo for bringing this to my attention.
See, I just don’t get the complaints. Just stop wearing the shit. I haven’t worn makeup to work in a decade. I don’t wear pantyhose, thongs or lingerie unless I expect that shit to come off in the next ten minutes. Just stop wearing it all.
And fuck a pair of heels for work. I go in flip flops and have a pair of dress shoes if I have a meeting.
Godammit!!! One of them figured it out!!! Men’s Illuminati Council, I’m going to need a cleanup squad sent to the home of Brenadine Humphrey. Sanction with extreme prejudice. Please hurry, she’s starting to infect the other women!!!
Keep in mind I have a lot of unused pantyhose to strangle you with…
MIC-HQ… I have acquired additional intelligence on Target Humphrey… You better send the “Kink Squad”
I love complicated ladies undergarments.
MIC-HQ: Surveillance of Subject Stewart shows that her implant is working flawlessly. All systems go. Proceed to next investigation.
Why do women get all the sexy stuff? Oh right. Because they’re the sexy ones.