Today’s Wistful Career Change Decision: Lancer

No, I’m still not going back to making daily career change decisions… but every once in a while I still do have flights of whimsy… so with that, Today’s Wistful Career Change Decision: Lancer in a five man band of superheroes!

You know how every superhero group is exactly the same? Especially in like the 1980s? You know: Star Trek, the Avengers, the X-men, G-Force, Voltron, the Power Rangers. Well, I’ve decided I want to be in one of those. Why? Because I’d rock at that. Of course I’ll need four other people to work with me here.

There will be five of us:

• The Leader – Your job is to be honest, moral, brave and all around kinda boring. You get to call the shots, and say stuff like “No Mav, we can’t just kill them all! If we do, we’re no better than they are!”
• The Lancer – That’s me. I basically get to be all brooding and sexy all the time. I save the day a lot, mostly by killing a lot of people. Be lucky I’m on our side.
• The Strong Guy – Your job is too be all but and strong and punch stuff a lot. You’re big and scary looking but ultimately lovable because actually being dangerous is my job.
• The Smart Guy – You get to be a nerd and sit in the lab and mostly stay outside of all the interaction and build gadgets that we use to save the day… if you finish before I just start blowing shit up.
• The Chick – Ok, honestly your job here is just to look sexy in a version of our standard uniform that has a short skirt instead pants. Really there’s not much more to it than that. You’re probably hopelessly in love with the Leader, but instead you get to fuck me on the side because I’m dangerous and way more interesting.

Now taking applications. Please note, the interview process may involve cybernetic body part replacement and intensive ninja training aboard a time traveling rocket being shot into deep space and bathed in some sort of cosmic gamma rays while we’re bit by spiders or something. But we have a good 401K plan and the health plan includes dental.