on Politics and Pussy….

Honestly, this may be the greatest week in the history of American politics. I always find it fascinating living history. But right now, I don’t so much want to live history. I want to fast forward. I want to jump to thirty years in the future and i want to read a 2046 middle school American history book. I want to know how McGraw-Hill of the future explains to a bunch of eighth graders the controversy of “how the 2016 election was decided on a scandal regarding the presidentialness of a candidate explaining how it was ok to grab women by the pussy.” Seriously… like up until yesterday I was ecstatic that I got to live to see the day where two candidates for president discussed penis size in only vaguely coded euphemisms during a major party debate. That was fucking amazing. But now we live in a world where we are discussing the appropriateness of a man saying that he likes to grab women by the pussy. No thinly veiled comments about hand size. No distracting masculine rhetoric about having the proper “temperament” to be president and arguing about whether or not this is a sexist way of precluding any candidate who was unfortunate enough to be born without testicles. No… those days are over. There are 31 days until the 2016 presidential election and from yesterday until November 8th, this election is now about one thing and one thing only. It’s all about pussy! Down with the cock-driven political rhetoric of the past! Pussy is where it’s at! We live in this world. This is happening… like now.

And it is amazing!

It’s pretty easy to find people blasting Trump on his pussy comments. It’s certainly easy to find liberal complaining, but there are theoretical Trump supporters turning on him. Paul Ryan and Reince Priebus have both publicly condemned him and are creating distance at least tepidly. In the last 24 hours, at least 36 (at the time I am writing this) Republican lawmakers have actively withdrawn their endorsements for him. Even his running mate Mike Pence and his wife Melania have issued statements admonishing him. That’s bad. That’s real bad.

A few weeks ago, I asked for people to point their Trump supporting friends at me and tell me why they supported his call for Russians to hack Hillary. Against type, I went out of my ay to sort of be nice and … well… *not me* in the responses. I wanted to have a real conversation there and I really wanted to see what people saw in him. I was very thankful for those did comment and tried my best to not insult them. I went looking earlier today to see if any of them were defending Pussygate (yes, I’m going with Pussygate… soon to be trending on a social media platform near you). So far none of them have, or if they have, they haven’t done it in a a public enough way that I can read it. I have seen some people defend it. They basically come in three types.

1. Who cares that he said “pussy”? This is how guys talk!
2. Who cares that he said “pussy”? Bill Clinton has done so much worse!
3. Who cares that he said “pussy”? There are much bigger issues on the table. Benghazi! Benghazi! Benghazi! Secret emails! Benghazi!

That seems to cover most of the Trump arguments I can find. Interestingly enough I don’t really see a lot of “yes, he said ‘pussy’, but he apologized, so we’re all good.” And that speaks to something I’ve been saying all along. Trump’s greatest strength is his “realness.” He’s a lot of things, but he isn’t a liar. Trump is honest to a fault. This is what people love about him. He is the dude-bro candidate. Trump’s real supporters aren’t looking for a president who has a stance on campaign finance reform. They aren’t looking for someone to work through the intricacies of the TPP (even though this is one of Trump’s big platforms). What they’re looking for is a guy just like them. A guy who says “look, I’m a red-blooded american male and I like grabbing women by the pussy.” No one wants to say it. Because these are people who know that in 2016 you can’t just say “I wanna grab that woman by the pussy.” But they want to. They want to so bad! And this is a guy who is willing to do it.

Or he was… Here’s his “apology” statement from last night.

Here is my statement. pic.twitter.com/WAZiGoQqMQ

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 8, 2016

That is a man in pain. That’s not a man in pain because he’s done something wrong. That’s a man in pain because he knows deep in his heart that he hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s a man who is being forced to jump through some fucking political hoops because this blatant PC culture that we live in. This is a man who is being forced to say something that he doesn’t believe in. This is Donald Trump being forced into a Jack Nicholson/Col. Nathan Jessup situation. This is a man who you can see is being forced to apologize when he doesn’t want to. He’s a man who really wants to say “You want the truth, you can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has pussy, and those pussies have to be grabbed by men with hands. Beautiful majestic hands like these. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Billy Bush? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Arianne Zucker, and you curse the Apprentice. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that grabbing pussy, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, makes America Great Again!” Seriously. He wants to say it. He wants to say it bad.

And he can’t.

And it’s killing him. It’s eating him up inside.

But see that’s kind of the point. I’ve now said “pussy” 86 times in this post. It’s starting to get uncomfortable. Maybe funny. But definitely uncomfortable. And I’ve done it on purpose. Because really, the word doesn’t bother me. I’m pro-pussy(17). I enjoy grabbing pussy (18). Of course I’m the kinda guy who limits by pussy-grabbing (19) to women who’ve  invited me to do it. I’m a gentleman that way! And in a lot of ways that probably makes me a better person than Donald Trump. What it doesn’t make me is presidential. No one in their right mind would ever elect me president. Why? Because frankly, I’m a fucking lunatic. An eloquent lunatic. But I’m still a crazy person who would probably make a shitty president. I mean, if the American people want me to try, I’ll give it a shot….

And that’s the thing. It’s not so much that he’s talking in “locker room talk.” Maybe “real guys” talk like that and maybe they don’t. (They don’t) The problem is “real guys” is not really what we’re looking for in a president. We’re just not. I some dude on the internet who was clearly being sarcastic… and I’m vulgar as fuck all the time. And even from me saying pussy(20) over and over was kinda weird… and even I did it more respectfully.

But that’s what really creates the problem. Why you’re seeing Ryan and Pence and all the others distance themselves is that it’s really hard to stand for family values officially and stand for the tenets of dude-broism. They’re just incompatible. You can’t do both and for some reason people have been convincing themselves that the worlds most prominent dude-bro, a man who is actively being investigated for sexual harassment and rape charges is somehow also the shining beacon of moral conservatism. He’s not. And he doesn’t even want to be. It’s a two party system. Donald Trump has some conservative principles. And in making him the nominee the RNC forced themselves to believe that he had all conservative principles. He doesn’t. This is a man who really really wants to shout pussy(21) from the mountain tops!

And maybe he should be able to. My new favorite person in the world right now is Ana Navarro, a liberal talking head for CNN. Last night, in an argument with Scottie Nell Hughes, a conservative talking head (and Trump supporter) Navarro made the statement that Hughes (who had been defending the Doanld) and other republicans have to take a long hard look in the mirror and decide whether or not they want to support a man who boasts about grabbing women by the pussy(22). Yes, she said pussy(23) on a nationally televised news program. Hughes then asked Navarro to “please stop using that that word because my daughter is watching.” Navarro then lost her shit over the hypocrisy of someone being offended by her saying pussy(24) and not the man running for the presidency of the United States. (entire video linked below, fast forwarded to the relevant section, but worth watching the whole thing):

Some people have been calling for Trump to leave the race and give his spot to Pence (which honestly, would be suicide for the GOP this election anyway, but would allow them to at least gracefully lose and plan for 2020). A couple of hours ago, Trump released a statement that he will not be dropping out of the race no matter what:

The media and establishment want me out of the race so badly – I WILL NEVER DROP OUT OF THE RACE, WILL NEVER LET MY SUPPORTERS DOWN! #MAGA

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 8, 2016

And I don’t blame him. Because he’s right. His supporters deserve him to stick this out. The dude-bros are counting on him. Unlike the other politicians distancing themselves from him, he really has no political legacy to protect. This is what he is here for.

Me? Honestly… I’m now pretty ok with electing Ana Navarro president.