On Christian Book Publishing?

As has been the standard for my summer of adjunct online teaching I’ve basically spent every waking moment this weekend grading papers. Wheee!!! So it’s possible that there’s been some erosion of my already tentative grasp on sanity. You know… it’s possible.

So anyway, I was taking a break from grading to eat lunch with Steph and she had on CNN and there was a commercial for a “Christian book publisher.” The commercial made a big deal of the fact that Christian book publishing is NOT just about writing and publishing books on religion. It’s about any kind of book! Just with a Christian/spiritual bend in mind.

Steph said “hey, you should apply to write one of those!”

Really? Me? Who would want me to…

And then I thought about it. Could I really do ANYTHING? Like ANYTHING anything? So long as I connected it to Christianity?

Could I apply to this publisher with A Christians Guide to Kinky Sex?

Like, is that an actual market? Could I write a whole book that was basically sex-positive tips for living in world of non-normative sexuality… but still being Godly and devout? I mean, some of them are obvious… if you’ve been reading my blog for years then you know that I’ve long held that the Catholic school girl uniform is proof that the whole religion was secretly founded on fetishization. And like there’s obvious chapters that could be written on “The Loophole: It’s ok if it’s in the butt” (Thank you Garfunkel and Oates).

But there could be more. It could be like a whole Kama Sutra/How-To guide… but like mixed with scriptures. Like I could do a thing on consent and why it’s important and map it to 1 Corinthians 7:5: “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”. If that’s not about the importance of consent in Dom/Sub play, I don’t know what is.

I could have whole chapters devoted to:

• The divine blowjob
• They’re called missionaries for a reason
• Speaking in tongues and dirty talk in bed
• Mary Magdalane is a saint and sex work is ok
• Sugar Daddies, Sugar Mommas and the fifth commandment
• Heavenly orgies and the good side of Sodam and Gomorrah
• The best Christian gay bathhouses in America
• BDSM for the benevolent
• Solomon was polyamorous and he was the smartest man ever
• Jesus says it’s ok to have a spanking when you’ve been good.
• I mean come on, 13 dudes traveling together?

The chapters basically write themselves… I mean I was being ridiculous when I started typing this… but the more I think about it…  am I crazy for thinking there’s a market here?

Grading may be breaking my brain.