I love football. I always have. I’m a big fan and I watch regularly and like every football fan, I have… let’s call them “opinions”. One of the best parts of football is watching a game and arm chair coaching — yelling at your team for making some dumbshit move that you absolutely would never have allowed if you were coach.. even though you have literally zero experience coaching a professional or even college football team. And really, deep down I know that one of the things that makes it fun to arm chair coach is that actually I know that I’d be a really shitty head coach!
See, because as much I love football, I’m also the dude plays who Madden on my Playstation and says “4th and 27 from just inside my own 10?….fuck it! I can make it! Punting is for quitters. FIVE WIDE! Let’s DO THIS SHIT!” Because I’m a fucking crazy person, with no actual experience, and should not be allowed to coach a professional football team. But the thing is, I actually WOULD’NT go for it on 4th and 27 in a real game. Because I’m smart enough to know that my gut inclination is a really bad idea. That’s a thing you do in a video game for the challenge. It’s a thing you do when you’re overcome with the hubris of “this is a bad idea… but I think I can make it…” And it’s a thing that when you see some idiot who isn’t you making the same choice — be it some idiot casual playing a video game or an actual NFL coach, you would go “What the fuck are you doing, you fucking moron!” Because only a fucking maniac would go for it on 4th and 27 from inside the 10.
And for those of you aren’t football fans… for those of you who don’t even know what “4th and 27 form inside the 10” means and you’re just hanging out for a chance to see Taylor or because you are interested in the half time show and want to see Kendrick murder Drake or the commercials or just want to party with friends… then even you know when someone is bullshitting you about the game. Sometimes, even as a non football fan, you’re talking to an idiot who is trying to show off and you go “wait… this motherfucker doesn’t know anymore than I do!”
Use that logic. There are two types of Trump supporters in this world: There are those who actually have followed Republican politics for years and understand that he’s fundamentally doing a bad job. You’re rooting for the team, but you know the coach is a fucking moron and he’s leading you to disaster. AND then there’s the rest of you motherfuckers. Those of you who know goddamn well that you don’t know how vaccines work, you don’t know how tariffs work, you’ve never heard of USAID, CFPB, OPM, or NIH before this week, you can’t find Gaza or Ukraine on a map, and you sure as fuck don’t know what a COBOL date epoch is. So if you’re watching Trump and Musk and seeing what they say and they sound like they’re making good sense to you, then THAT SHOULD SCARE YOU FUCKING SHITLESS!!! Because you either know enough to make it clear that they don’t know what they’re doing… OR you know enough to know that you don’t know what you’re doing and if they make sense to you, then you should really be saying “this motherfucker doesn’t know anymore than I do!”
Because only a maniac would go for it on 4th and 27 from inside the 10.