Oh my god! They’re dragging a lawn mower up the stairs next door. Proof conclusive of the existence of god.(Please don’t let this be a hoax)

Because we all (like Barney Stintson) know that Weekend at Bernie’s is the fucking dream! Bizarre Road Trip! A man drove a deceased woman from Arizona to Michigan, propped up in the passenger seat and wearing sunglasses. And it gets weirder, click here: http://www.myfoxny.com/story/25692232/gruesome-road-trip-clinton-township-man-drives-cross-country-with-a-dead-women-in-passenger-seat

here’s a view of my neighbors unmowed lawn from my back window. Note my fence is six feet tall: https://twitter.com/chrismaverick/status/473215261001396225

For people who wonder when I complain about my neighbors not mowing the grass here’s the transition between our lawns http://t.co/9wFOlrSm1E http://twitter.com/chrismaverick/status/473212002593415168

It’s been two whole days since I pimped the kickball party that I am throwing in a few weeks with Margaret Bashaar. Time to do it again. So yeah, remember when you were a kid and kickball ruled? Wouldn’t it be that much better if you were a grownup and could play it with beer?…

I’m oddly in a mood to play beer pong in my pool. Someone volunteer. Yes, Of course I have a floating beer pong table. What a stupid question.

Really?!?!? Uh… And coming next, the bottle of Dr. Pepper that can only be opened by simultaneous orgasm. Sponsored by Grindr. Coke Creates Socially Awkward Bottles For College Freshmen To help get college freshmen started with new friendships, Coca Cola designs a bottle of coke that can only be opened with another bottle of coke!…

Hellmouth is open! Let’s go! The Gates of Hell Just Opened In Guatemala “This can’t be real” was my first thought. Then I checked the source: The Guatemalan government. This sinkhole appeared last sunday in a street intersection of Ciudad de Guatemala. Just looking at the photo gives me vertigo. [Updated]

Hey, I’m as much of a sarcastic asshole as this guy! I totally have to start blogging regular again so that I can become a neat reforwarded internet meme. The world needs my customer service scam plays!!! The Best Email Exchange Ever. This Man Is Hilarious.

Who’s interested in the kickball party that I am throwing with Margaret Bashaar. Let me know and I’ll send you an invite. And if you’ve already been invited, head over to Mav & Margaret’s Summertime Kickball-o-Rama 2014 and accept already. And yes, I’m going to keep asking until we have like 1000 guests, so say…